Is it normal to give in to the tiredness (or am I just a lazy bum)?

2010-06-29T16:16:45Z

I've been on chemo (5FU + Oxaliplatin + Avastin) since March, for colon cancer diagnosed in February; round nine is coming up this week. I've been off work since before the diagnosis. Right after diagnosis I got very sick and was three weeks in hospital, lost well over 20 kg, and came out of hospital very weak and with poor mobility. I got stronger in the first weeks, but as the chemo side effects accumulate, I'm finding it harder and harder to find the energy to do even basic household chores.

When the tiredness hits me, I've tended to take to bed, or fall asleep on the sofa. This infuriates my partner, who thinks that I should be making more of an effort to stay active (he conveniently ignores the days when I've managed to mow the lawn, or clear a heap of ironing, or have a meal cooked from scratch on the table for him). There have been several vile arguments, including one in which he accused me of "enjoying" the experience of being a cancer patient. Two weekends ago, after we spent Saturday at a wedding and I got over-tired, I spent the Sunday in bed in pain and running a fever, and I don't think he's ever going to let me forget it ("20 hours in bed!"). It turns out the pain was because I have DVT in my left leg, a classic oxaliplatin side-effect, and although my consultant says that being too sedentary would not have caused this, my partner is convinced I brought this on myself by being in bed too much.

So, a question to the rest of this community. If you yourself have been or are on chemo, how are you coping with the fatigue it can cause (not to mention the depression of being sick with this disease)? Am I being the lazy bum my partner says I am, when I give in to the urge to lie down and sleep during the day? Any tips for coping strategies to push through the fatigue and keep going?

And generally, does anyone have any tips for helping a partner through the experience of being a carer? He's stressed out by my situation, and by taking care of me, but we've reached a point where he can't see things from my perspective.

Battling on Two Fronts

Is it normal to give in to the tiredness (or am I just a lazy bum)?