Babybear's Blog

3 years

2011-09-18T20:28:33Z

It was 3 years ago today that Bert was diagnosed with his AML. he fought hard struggled through his chemo which caused all sorts of problems. He achieved remission and we were delighted. However, exactly a year later to the day he relapsed. Devastated was an understatment. They found him a Bone Marrow Donor and got him into remission yet again. We went to the Beatson in Glasgow the week after they told us he was in remission to prepare for his pre transplant chemo, only to be told that "you have active Leukaemia in your blood, go home you will be lucky if you have weeks left".

He lasted 12 weeks his last 2 weeks he was so heavily sedated he did not even know I was with him and he passed away on the 25th Feb 2010.

I still miss him so much almost 20 months later, xxxx

Insurance for Holidays

2011-07-04T10:10:36Z

Hi Folks not been on for a while looking for the name of holiday insurance companies whe will nor charge an arm and a leg to take my mum on holiday. She does not have cancer but has multiple other problem

Thanks

Love Teri

Sad day

2010-12-08T19:03:34Z

This time last year all of our hope and dreams were dashed as the consultant so calmly said to Bert " you have active leukaemia in you blood just go home you will be lucky if you have a couple of weeks left" Why do they have to deliver such bad news in such an unforgiving way. I think if Bert had been fit enough he would have thumped the Dr. Not for what he had to say but how he said it.

He never wanted to know the prognosis right from the beginning and after 18 months of keeping it from him this man single handedly told him. Bert never forgave him for it. I still cant forgive him I know that to them it is "just their job" but it was our lived he was destroying and while I am aware that it was the leukeamia it didn't help Bert. He was never the same, The "Quality" time we were suppose to have we never got as he went downhill so quickly when the leukaemia spread to his spleen and his brain. He never knew me before he died his last words to me were "excuse me Can I speak to my wife please" when I told him I was his wife he completely lost it and had to be sedated, He never never woke up after that,

I often wonder when these memories will go away and the good ones will return.

Love to all

From Teri

Re Protocols for Lung Cancer

2010-08-03T17:35:46Z

Hi Re my post earlier in the week asking about protocols for Lung Cancer.

I was asking as my sister had told my mum that she had Lung Cancer, However the pieces did not fit and I was questioning what the Dr had told her apparently according to her the Consultant just told her it was there without doing any further tests. don't know whether to be relieved at the fact she does not have it or angry for the lies she told my mum who thought it would be a good idea to tell me. I have spent the past 2 weekends in tears anyway without that being thrown into the mix. I am just about at the 23 week mark and it has been much worse this past couple of weeks than it was in the beginning, Hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected in the circumstances you are in

Love and hugs Teri

Protocols for Lung Cancer

2010-07-29T20:33:10Z

Hi can anyone from the Carlisle area tell me what the protocol on treating Lung cancer is. My sister said she has been told she has lung cancer but will not get an MRI for another 2 weeks I was under the impression that an MRI was a diagnostic factor in these cases. I would appreciate your input. IF it is true that she has this then 2010 has been a hell of a year for me

Love Teri

To All my Mac Friends

2010-06-25T16:05:07Z

Hiya its now been 4 months since Bert died and I thought you would like to know that I am beginning to pick myself up and start to get on with my life. I have just returned from 3 weeks in Canada with my step sister and it done me the world of good. I still miss Bert every day and everywhere I go something reminds me of him,but I can honestly say that I am glad that he is no longer suffering as you well know he fought a really hard battle and never really had any chance of surviving but he refused to say that he insisted right up until he had to be completely sedated for everyone's safety including his own, that all he had was a blood disorder. I know he knew he was dying but refused to talk about it all I think perhaps he thought he was protecting me if he did not speak about it. I don't use the site very often I still read the blogs and posts and even though it helped me enormously while Bert was ill I think I need to move on now. I just wanted to thank you for all your support when I needed it.

Bertiebassett's Boys

2010-03-22T08:22:29Z

Bert never lived long enough to meet his new grandson but he said all along it would be a boy, never faltering. He kept telling me he had seen him and I thought he was hallucinating. Who knows. Meet Murray Albert Whitehouse.

Greg his other grandson so so happy when he got to see him before he was sedated this is a picture of them both 2 weeks before Bert died.

Bertie

2010-03-06T18:48:16Z

The Service was all he would have wished for his choice of songs went down a treat and there were loads of laughs just as he planned. I was astounded at the turnout, for an Englishman in Scotland he knew more people than me. He was very popular for being just "a nice guy".

How proud he would have been of the family. Claire for all the support she has been to me and all the running around she and Joni have done The song Joni found for him was just perfect. and Christopher for his recording of Wipeout. I swear I could hear him shouting "turn it up it's not loud enough ". We raised almost £500 at the funeral which will go to buy something for the ward he spent most of the last 18 months in . Bert I will see you every time I look at our children you will never be far from me as long as I have them.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥Bye Bye Bert♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

2010-03-05T06:53:25Z

I don't think there is anything I have to say today except to Bert. Sleep well I love and miss you this much

[♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥]

and way beyond. Wherever you are play those drums for me and you can play as long and loud as you want to. You would be so proud of the kids they have looked after me well

Bertie Bassetts Final Journey

2010-03-01T15:25:43Z

Before I write anything else, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart foe all your support not just in the past week but the past 18 months I needed your strenght to give me mine.

Bert's funeral will take place on Friday 5th March at 12. I make no apologies for the choice of music as he chose it himself. His First song will be

ACDC Highway to Hell

Wipeout (recorded by his son)

A beautiful song called Keep me in you Heart for a while. ( Warrenn Zevon)

www.youtube.com

and finally Don.t Worry Be happy.

I am sure it will be a bittersweet day for us all, I am so relieved it is finally over but so unhappy at the same time. I don;t think ever in my life have I ha sucheh mixed emotions.

Again Thank you to everyone I may not be on the site for a few days but good luck to everyone waiting for test results

With much love from Teri

BertieBassetts Final Journey

2010-03-01T15:24:53Z

Before I write anything else, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart foe all your support not just in the past week but the past 18 months I needed your strenght to give me mine.

Bert's funeral will take place on Friday 5th March at 12. I make no apologies for the choice of music as he chose it himself. His First song will be

ACDC Highway to Hell

Wipeout (recorded by his son)

A beautiful song called Keep me in you Heart for a while. ( Warrenn Zevon)

www.youtube.com

and finally Don.t Worry Be happy.

I am sure it will be a bittersweet day for us all, I am so relieved it is finally over but so unhappy at the same time. I don;t think ever in my life have I ha sucheh mixed emotions.

Again Thank you to everyone I may not be on the site for a few days but good luck to everyone waiting for test results

With much love from Teri

21st Feb Bertiebassett 2010

2010-02-21T17:29:36Z

It is now day 23 since they asked me if I wanted resus if Bert needed it. They stopped all treatment except sedation and pain control 9 days ago, I have lived in his room never leaving it in all that time. They tell me on a daily basis that the end is near. He has a dreadful cough, secretions on his chest, bedsores and is obviously in pain at times. He is on a syringe driver for pain control and sedation. also getting breakthrough Morpine and Midazolam as and when required. They expected him to die a couple of days at the most after treatment stopped. I honestly don't know why he is still here with me. It is torture watching him go through all of this. He stops breathing for longer pauses every day but still he is here.

While I love him to bits I don't know how much longer I can watch this. It is so difficult. Not just for me but the family also.

Love and Hugs

Teri

16th Feb 20120 Bertiebassett

2010-02-16T19:33:04Z

Bert is still fighting, I din't know how but he is. We had a few scares at the weekend where I had to call the kids in several times but he keeps on rallying round.

He is sedated all the time now because the agitation was just getting worse, the fact that he could not remember stuff really upset him. He has to get his lungs suctioned several times a day to get everything off his chest so he can breathe. It sounds like he is drowning in his own secretions it is so hard to watch. They told me on Saturday they did not expect him to last the day also on Sunday then again Monday and today. The Consultant said he is a stubborn old boy and will go when he is good and ready, but it does not make it any easir to watch.

Will catch up later in the week,

Love to all

Love Teri

Feb 11th 2010 Bertiebassett

2010-02-11T04:09:24Z

Doesn't look like we will be getting home at all now. Bert has a Temp again, perhaps a chest infection as they say his chest sounds very crackly. He is passing so much blood. It is so heartbreaking to watch the man you love in such pain and be completely helpless, the most I can do is wet his lips for him and just be here. I am losing track of the days myself now.

He is hallucinating almost all the time, even when he does not need his morphine. at least he is a lot calmer than he was last week.

This disease is so cruel you would not watch an animal suffer in this way.

They are doing as much as possible to keep him comfortable which is all they can do

Love Teri

9th Feb 2010 Bertiebassett

2010-02-09T15:00:53Z

Yesterday Bert slept all day , in fact he has been sleeping most of the time since Saturday. but he awoke a little aggressive again,so had to be sedated again. Today he woke with a temp and his catheter was blocked so he was in agony. after yet more morphine as he threatened to start throwing things about I have noticed that that aggression gets much worse when he is in pain, They took the catheter out for a while and he managed to go without the pain. But he is asleep again. We are still hoping to get home on Thursday the prescription is all arranged the ambulance is booked just need to wait and see how thing go.

They don't seem too concerned that he is now refusing all his medication and are really just keeping him comfortable not there really is nothing left for them to do so it is just a matter of time.

The part I find most difficult to comply with is after 17 months of drumming into me that he needs paracetamol for his temp, it is now ok for him to refuse it.

I think he is trying hard to hold on until he sees his grandson born in 6 weeks, but judging by the way he has been over the past week I really don't think that will happen. But who knows.

Love Teri