annief's blog

stable

2009-12-16T06:44:30Z

No - not the sort with ox and ass. Ali is stable six months after diagnosis of inoperable pancreatic cancer. She is enjoying very good quality of life - still doing her Arabic Dance and doing lunch with friends. The first month on steroids she was high as a kite but now has dose sorted so she is not high but not feeling sick either.

We haven't a clue how long we have left and clearly don't forget it but have managed to make a quiet life together in the face of it.

I am having pre-bereavement counselling at the hospice which is extremely helpful. Ali is happy with the Macmillan nurse who seems to enjoy visiting.

Sometimes I want to kick the cat or throw a total tantrum but we are still here six months on in the impossible situation and still telling each other the truth.

So good and hope it helps for anyone else who has refused chemo and decided to just go on until it stops.

intensity

2009-07-20T18:56:09Z

O my God it is so bloody intense. I am worried about her - she is looking a bit green around the gills today and has has a couple of nasty bouts of nausea. She is worried about me - sometimes I actually look more ill than she does - tired and pinched. I had a really hard weekend at work and just feel desperately upset most of the time. We have just come to the end of a fortnight of visits from relatives from whom we don't usually have visits. Sometimes I feel as if the whole show is just held together with a rubber band. How on earth do we cope?

What is so great about chemotherapy?

2009-07-09T20:03:20Z

Yesterday I went with my Civil Partner so that she could talk with the Oncologist about possible ways forward. There was an underlying assumption that she would want chemotherapy and even that she would want to join a trial. She was very distressed by this rather aggressive attitude and finally decided to postpone a decision for another six weeks. She has been told that she has less than a year and six months of that could be spent in chemo. At the moment that looks like a really dud choice.....we are not convinced. Any help?

Tangled up in blood vessels

2009-06-29T19:57:05Z

Hello out there, My Civil partner was diagnosed a few weeks ago with an inoperable adinocarcinoma and the biopsy has confirmed it. She is 54 and was working until diagnosis. We now know that we have possibly a year together until she dies. We have entered a new and strange kingdom called Cancerworld which is full of MST and movicol and trips in all directions. We are waiting for the Oncologist to leap into action and offer palliative chemo....another decision she has to make. Maybe someone who has similar can help me with how best to help her. So far we are trying to be as straightforward as possible with each other but is this too brutal? Surely I will have to take some of the stuff elsewhere as she gets more tired and ill? I feel very alone even though friends are queuing up to offer support.