AJ's blog

He is gone

2009-04-30T18:08:20Z

My father passed away this morning, peacefully, he never regained consciousness. I will post again when I feel more able.

Dad is unconscious

2009-04-29T19:03:18Z

On Monday morning I found Dad unconscious on his bed and in a bad way. Its a scene I will never forget. I called for an ambulance and we rushed him to hospital with the whole flashing lights and sirens going. He was in Resusitation for an hour before anyone would tell me what was going on. They believe he suffered a fall, either before or during a Ischemic Stroke. I did not see him over the weekend and boy do I feel bad about that. The last person to see him walking about was the Ocupational health team who came to discuss him having a carer to come in and help with the personal hygiene side of things and that was on Friday. From the look of things he had been in that colapsed state all weekend. He has never regained consciousness, and we have been told that its unlikely he will and to prepare for the worst. They are keeping him pain free and comfortable and that is all they can do. So I guess we play the waiting game now. It seems that the Cancer might not be the thing to take him in then end but the results of the stroke. I am a wreck, everytime I close my eyes I see him lying there on the bed where I found him. I have been to the hospital every day and stayed all night monday. I feel sick everytime I have to walk into the room where he is. This could go on for some time until he finally decides its time to go. I hope I can get through this.............

Hospital

2009-01-15T19:27:37Z

Last night my Dad became quite ill, vomitting and lots of pain. My sister took him to the NHS walk in centre where they tested him for urine infection, it showed keytones meaning dehydration. The Dr there said that there were no signs of infection but because of the amount of pain he was in she suggested taking him up to the A&E department. He was admitted to a day case ward and stayed there all night, seeing a Dr this morning, who ran the same test and it showed infection. She said that it was not related to the cancer, because 'his cancer is getting better', why on earth would she say that. He has terminal pancreatic cancer and has been told months not years. She has given him false hope! He may live for a while longer than 'months' but the cancer will kill him eventually. Anyway it gets better, my sister and I went up to the hospital to visit him today, and the nurse came into give him his anti-biotics and I asked if she could check his notes as the pain he had been in was severe and I wanted to make sure they were telling me everything, she said she would check and never came back. So I went to the nurses station to ask again, a short while later she came back in and I explained that she said she would come back, she then said 'and I told you that it was just a urine infection' so stroppy and abrupt. I am angry and my sister thinks they are treating him this way due to the drinking problem he has, like because is an alcoholic he doesnt deserve to be treated in a nice respectful way. My dad is very subdued and was very very scared last night, he didnt think he was going to wake up this morning, to say he is quiet is an understatement.

Having a hard time accepting....

2009-01-09T08:51:42Z

......that Dad will not change his drinking habit 'just because' he has cancer. Am I being selfish for wanting him to be sober when I visit him with my 5 and 8 yrs old kids. He has diabetes too and that doesnt even make him slow down on the hooch.

No more chemo, what now?

2009-01-05T19:08:00Z

We went with dad to chemo clinic today, the Doctor has suggested dad stop the chemo, dad has agreed. I am not totally sure of the reasons why, resistance was mentioned and thats fine if I was 100% that was the reason. Last week we went and Dad had been having issues with his memory and some pains down in the groin area. We spoke about this with the Dr and Dad confessed that he drink 4 Pints of beer a day. I of course know that this is not true its more like 4 pints 2 whiskey chasers and then 4 cans from the off-license. He is an alcoholic in denial. It just seems wierd that the Dr this week has suggested he stop the chemo after the confession last week. You see chemo thins the blood and so does the alcohol, he will never give up the alcohol so I guess for him to avoid spending time in hospital with infections every 4-6 weeks would be to give up on the chemo. What now? How long can we really have left with him? What do we do when the cancer starts to get bigger again? Does anyone at that hospital realise what a spin this has left us in?

Good Result

2008-12-08T19:10:25Z

Dad had his mid chemo (3 months of chemo then a scan) today. The tumour has shrunk, by 25%, we are all so thrilled, the chemo is working. We now he will never be free of it, but its shrinking and that means that we have longer with him.

1st Chemo Session over

2008-09-15T21:36:01Z

Well even my Dad said it wasnt as bad as he thought it would be, despite a fair bit of waiting around the actual chemo process took about an hour, which pleased Dad immensely. Dad being Dad of course wanted to get down to his local for a pint afterwards, guess that'll never change. We spent some of the wait in the Macmillan centre at the hospital which was much more relaxing and less clinical than the chemo waiting room. Such lovely people there too. Can't help wondering what the next few days will bring for my Dad, all in all though it was a very positive experience. Keeping my fingers crossed that it stops the cancer in its tracks or at least slows it down. AJ

Dad starts chemo on Monday

2008-09-13T18:10:33Z

Well after 6 weeks of uncertainty and anguish, Dad will finally start chemo on Monday. He is relieved that something is at last moving forward in a positive way. He had a CT scan yesterday so that they have a starting point, he will do 3 cycles of therapy (chemo once a week for 3 weeks then one week off) and they will scan again to see where we are at. I have noticed that he is feeling pain more now, which as I am sure you will understand, worries the hell out of me. Anyway thinking positive the chemo can start to kick this thing in the pants on monday. AJ