Always so miserable.

2011-02-06T12:28:04Z

I was diagnosed with renal cancer 3 years ago, fortunately I had surgery and was given the all clear. I've been trialing a drug ever since called sorafenib and touch wood I've done ok . I had a scan at the end of last year and was told in January that the scan looked ok........BUT..........they were a bit concerned about my retro-crural node (haven't a clue but alledgely its in my chest) has grown by 0.5cm since my last scan. However seeing as I wasn't feeling unwell at all they would leave everything alone until my next CT in March. For the last few weeks I've had a terrible pain in the back of my pelvis on the left and under my ribs on the right. I finally phoned my research nurse on friday who then made arrangements for me to have a CT scan this week coming. I always put on a brave face and pretend that I'm not worried, but inside I always feel really bloody miserable. I cry if someone looks at me in a funny way or if the simplest of things go wrong, I can't sleep when its time to sleep, yet when I'm sat outside school waiting for my children I could quiet easily nod off. I have three beautiful children, a lovely home and a job I really enjoy, so really I've nothing to be miserable about. Sometimes I feel like getting into my car and just driving until I can't drive ant further.

AD-Cornwall

Always so miserable.