Looking at the trees blowing in the pale blue sky the World could harldy be more uplifting and life affirming. Today God seems good.
God hasn't seemed very good over the past year.
It even shocks me that I can have moments of complete happiness, despite the fact my 15 year old daughter was diagnosed with a bone cancer last February. It's been a really long haul - we've survived but we're all bloodied and bruised. Life will never be the same; and yet I'm not sure if it will all turn out badly.
My daughter has endured: 14 cycles of chemotherapy, radical radiotherapy, a surgical excision on her lung, high does chemotherapy with a stem cell transplant. All in one year! She' s had excrutiating pain, terrible sickness, many emergency admissions to hospital - usually in the middle of the night - and has been distraught beyond my wildest imaginations.
And yet here she is on a sunny day - just one month after a stem cell transplant - slapping on fake tan, tons of make-up, high heels and heading out for another night on the town. Oh - and I forgot - the new wig she's just brought as her hair is taking some time to come back.
Life has been really really tough over the past year, but today feels ok - even good. Maybe it's the optimism of youth or maybe it's her tough Irish roots. Not sure, but I'm so proud that my daughter is a survivor and a fantastic one at that.
I've been pretty useless. I don't feel bad about that, as I've done everything I possibly could to make things better - even bought her a huge golden retriever puppy. Guess who walks him now? Like every other carer I feel a huge feeling of uselessness. And as a Mother, I think that feelings even worse. Why didn't I stop her getting cancer, why couldn't I stop them making her so sick, why oh why!!!!
But it's happened and thank God we're all still here. And one thing is for sure I love her - and my whole family - far more today than I did a year ago. It all feels far far more precious.
