Treatment

11 minute read time.

I began treatment later in March and I was nervous that it would hurt as it was going to be going into my body and it's something that I had no experience with.....I had a walk through of the chemo ward and it was a very daunting place rows of chairs and medical equipment surrounded the room and about 10 nurses were all attending to patients getting treatment...it was scary! On my 1st day I had to be there for 8am and my sister came with me to keep me company - we weren't to know we would be there until 8pm that night what a long day that was! The nurses were so nice and helped to get you relaxed and the chairs were comfy and you could recline them to get comfy as you'd be there for some time...good job really! I was given a portable DVD player and number of DVDs to choose from (this was donated to the ward for patients from a former patent) and then I was prepped for the treatment, a canula was put into my arm and blood was drawn I was then given a bag of saline to start me off then a number of other bags were put up then the chemo bag appeared it was covered with a red bag to let everyone know what it was - I had to wait a while for it as it had to be mixed for me, it's the same for all patients. In between the bags of fluid and what not came the injections, they're all administered by the canula, the steroids caused a weird stinging nettle pain between my bum and lady area but this passed after a couple of seconds that was weird when I fist felt it, then another injection which would cause a weird taste at the back of my nose that I would 'taste' the steroids made me really tired and I ended up falling asleep, little did I know this would be the normal occurrence for me.

I was provided with food and drinks, you could help yourself to hot drinks all you wanted....good job I was across from a toilet as all I did was wee! I was exhausted by the time I got home but relieved, it wasn't as bad as I thought and having my poor sister sitting with me bored out of her head and missing his daughters, she got someone else to pick them up from school so she could be with me and she did this for most of my sessions until I told her she didn't need to come with me so my Nan would insist on coming and my mum came once and only once....that's a different storey in itself!

I would take magazines and my phone charger to keep me entertained as I would be there until at least 7-8pm, people would come and go and they were mainly elderly and at 28, we didn't really have anything to talk about as cancer wasn't a topic I wanted to discuss. After my first treatment I felt fine until about 3 days later when I woke up with the most horrendous pins and needles pain in my feet! They felt freezing, walking sitting anything would make me cry in pain, I would sit in a hot bath crying cus I couldn't take the pain, nothing would take the pain away nothing! After about 2-3 days the pain slowly went away.....

I had treatment every 3 weeks and would see a doctor before each treatment to ensure I was ok to proceed. One day my sister and her boyfriend were taking my nieces to the beach and she asked if I wanted to go so I jumped at the chance to make memories if at all anything else, I brushed my hair and this is when I realised that I had cancer my hair was coming out loads not in lumps but about 50 hairs each time I brushed and this was the start. It didn't bother me as I was waiting for it....I got dressed and we had a fab day I loved it.

On my 2nd round of treatment the nurses were struggling to find a vain and mentioned that they would have to use one in my neck or foot - veins freak me out and the thought of them being pierced makes me panic and this is where my phobia of needles comes into play - luckily they found one in my arm to use (phew!) and this point it was mentioned about a pic line (a tube that is inserted into the arm and on end is exposed but covered and this stops the vain from collapsing and is used to collect blood and administer drugs) due to my phobia I refused but agreed to have some paper work on it to decide and think it over. I was in the hospital again until 7pm so it was another long day again....a couple of days later as I still had energy I went to the park with my sister and the girls (nieces) and when I brushed my hair loads more was coming out, about half my hair had been lost at this point - washing my hair, stroking my hair, putting it up anything would cause hair to fall out - so I put it into a plat as that's all I could do. A couple of days later I had an appointment at the hospital and again brushed my hair and this time it was coming out in clumps this time I cried and screamed as I was frustrated as I wanted it to stop just so I could do my hair! I eventually managed to do something with it and went to the car where my auntie was and she asked what was up and I just ranted about my hair falling out and being annoyed that I couldn't do anything with it....she looked at me sympathetically and at this point I decided that cancer wasn't the boss I was!

That night I cut my hair - my hair was half way down my back and really thick - I cut it above my shoulder so I couldn't manage it better for when it fell out as I was told not to shave my head. It was also at this point that the other side effects kicked in, water infections, sever sickness, mouth ulcers, horrible taste in my mouth, full body aches, extreme tiredness, depression, anxiety, insomnia, no energy, mood swings, issues with my bladder and bowls....not everyone has the same symptoms btw! It was also the start of my extreme weight loss, weight loss is normal when going through chemo but my weight loss was due to lack of appetite and when I did want to eat I couldn't or I would become bored of what o was eating after a couple of mouth fulls then would physically be unable to eat anymore. I ended up having the district nurse out a few times for anti sickness injections and this was the only thing that worked, but by god they hurt as they had to go into muscle and I was not getting my bum out! 

My issues with my bladder I would wake up and I would be poring urine out of me but cus it didn't feel like I was weeing I didn't know what it was! Then when I was having chemo again (I have a very sensitive bladder) because of all the fluids I would be constantly going for a wee but I would have to concentrate on keeping the wee in me whilst trying to run to the loo with a bloody thing on rickety wheels that wanted to go in the opposite direction! Once or twice I didn't make it on time so I had to wear incontenence pads and still do now....it wasn't until a couple of month later when I was examined (they like doing that - I hate it with a passion and would cry) that I wet myself slightly (I didn't tell anyone about my issue as I was worried) the doctor asked me about it and I told her and when a scan was done to check my cancer it was picked up that the cancer had caused a hole in my bladder (it was pressing against it and had shrunk which is why the hole had suddenly appeared)....I am still waiting to this day a year on to have this fixed! I am awaiting a date for my op....

During my chemo I was admitted to hospital 5/6 times because of water infections (it's come to light now that the debris from the kidneys was sitting in my bladder and wasn't being washed away due to the leaking and the lack of being able to keep anything down) so a couple of days in hospital and antibiotics I began to feel better. As part of the chemo it attacks everything in your body and as your kidneys are sensitive the chemo can cause issues with them so I had X-rays and scans on them plus over 100 blood tests done....it was following one of these scans that it was noticed that I had cancer growth in one of my kidney tubes and it was affecting my kidney from working correctly so I was told I needed to speak to a specialist about it. I got a letter with a date and cus I was hard of hearing I had my nan come with me....I was greeted at the hospital and told to go to a ward, strange! So I asked a nurse what was going on....it turned out I was having stents put into my kidneys! No one had told me this but everyone acted surprised when I mentioned this - I was going to be awake for the hole thing! As I had had breakfast not knowing I was having an op I couldn't have any anaesthetic - I began to panic and the doctors tried to calm me down but it wasn't working much, then when they attempted to put the canula into my hand it burst out and loads of blood came out so this made me worse!

In the operating theatre I was told they would only be able to numb my back....I had about 20 people in the room a lovely nurse was talking to me and held my hand throughout and they began....the most painful experience of my life! I screamed, cried and wanted it over I felt everything!!!!! Them cutting my back cutting my kidney, shoving the stents into my kidney, down my kidney tube and into my bladder! I was told they needed to do both sides but if I couldn't cope they would do one side and the other another time - as I knew I wouldn't be having the other side done another time I had it done at the same time agony! Was told that fully grown men cried and screamed and refused to have it done on the other side, I am 5ft 1, I weighed about 8 stone and had no body fat on me - this did not impress me at all! The surgeons who did the surgery said they wouldn't be able to go through with what I had done - no fucking shit!! Neither would I if I had known!!! I couldn't lie on my back for 3 days, when I went back to the ward I had a wee cus I needed one although I was told it was the stents - I know when I need a wee! And I fell asleep as I was exhausted and in a lot of discomfort....when I came around I wanted to be sick but as it was day surgery I wanted to go home also but because they won't let you go unless your eating and drinking I had a cup of tea and some toast whilst trying to hold it down I begged the nurse to let me go, I slowly and very painfully got dressed and found my Nan who had to sit in the waiting room but she didn't mind. As soon as I left the ward I went to the toilet and threw up and this was the procedure for the next couple of days - I was told I didn't need antibiotics after the op even though a nurse asked and guess what I had an infection - so I was hospitalised again 3 days later! I wasn't able to bend or lie on my back for 2 days I couldn't take the dressing off as I was scared so the nurse took them off for me I hospital....I now have 4 scars on my back where the incisions were made and have had numerous water infections since.

I carried on with my treatment of chemo and ended up losing all my hair from my body eye lashes and eyebrows which were the last to go, at this point it didn't bother me....I was so weak and skinny bathing became a chore I would wash every other day if not every day before cancer, during I was lucky to have the strength to bathe every 10 days - my mum would have to help me in and out of the bath and I had to wash my scalp but as I only had a bath I would have to move onto my side to lie back in the bath as the bones in my bum and back would hurt against the bath (they still do now), I also had to start sleeping with a pillow under my hips in bed and still do now as I get pressure sores and ache so I am constantly tossing an turning at night.....

The joys.....I will carry on my story another tome

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