It's not about me

  • 5th November

    Its been over 6 months now since we lost mum, I've not posted for ages, but today is mum's birthday. I took some flowers to the cemetery yesterday, and shed a few tears. I'm still numb, think about mom every day, though just trying  to get on with things as best I can. I still feel wierd around 7pm, that was the time I used to ring her. Miss her so much. I've got so much I could tell her, mainly about the boys…

  • 18th May

    Well I can't believe it's been over 3 weeks. Mum's  house, my childhood home, is virtually empty of her things now. It was her funeral 2 days ago. It went well, just what she would have wanted. I didn't wear black, I warned her I wasnt going to, in fact I warned everyone. So glad to see others not wearing black either.  We decided on a cremation, and at some point will be having her ashes buried with Dad, at his grave…

  • 24th April. The end of mum's journey

    Heartbroken. Numb. Tortured. Relieved. All words describe how I feel today. Had only just set out today when I had the call from my brother. He had arrived at the hospice and had given mum a kiss when she let out a breath. It was to be her final one, she had waited for him to arrive. I am devastated that I wasn't with her but at the same time comforted that she wasn't on her own.

    I don't know if I shall post…

  • 23rd April

    I'm sitting with mum on my own writing this today. Arrived about 1pm, my brother had been here since just after 8.30am. Mum was asleep, but there was a noticeable difference in her breathing today.  This is something I've almost been looking out for, another sign that she is nearing the end. She's been quite settled all day, just a little agitation, but nothing really to talk about.  That is, until my brother went to…

  • 22nd April

    Another emotionaly exhausting day.

    Got to hospice and mum was so much more settled today, dosed up on whatever. She was sleeping soundly, just with the occasional ramble. 

    There was a lot of us there this afternoon, mainly immediate family. I told my brother that I no longer want other people visiting Mum, I don't want them there, this is our time now. Feel selfish, but it's what I want. Mum's had days where it…