cant get over losing my mum after 2 years and dad finding someone new

Sue, you don't say how old mum or dad are or who has the myeloma.  I would like to help you but am not sure how.   Some people never move on to find a new partner but others need to have someone else in their lives.  There is no right or wrong way in this.  It is obviously what your dad wants and needs but is difficult for you to deal with. I cannot for one second imagine that your dad is replacing your mum with someone new just that he has moved on to a different phase in his life.  I can understand how you feel, as I have often wondered if my own dad was 'moving on'.  I recently lost my own husband to cancer and can never imagine taking another partner but a friend of mine did after less than a year and it was the right decision for her.   I do hope that in time you can come to accept this new person for who they are rather than a replacement for your much loved mum. x x

thanks for taking the time to send me a message of support.Im really sorry you lost your husband and hope you have family to help you through this hard time . Mum was 63 when she died of myeloma and dad is an active 67. Mum was my best friend as well as a mum . I want my dad to be happy but in the other hand im not ready to see them together yet as i think my mum should be beside him. People say as time goes by it gets easier but it seems like yesterday she died. Ive kept how bad ive been from my dad because i dont wont him to worry i wanted to be there for him.He said it took him by suprise his feelings towards her, they were just friends at first then dad went away for a month in his caravan and when he came back thats when he realised he had feelings for her. Ive not got anything against her but finding it really hard to come to terms with. xxxxx

can i just say....from the other side so to speak.... i am terminal... so in my healthy days i used to think if something happened to me and my hubby met some one else i would come back to haunt him....lol

now the reality is ... i have been very happily married for 30 years, and although the thought of my hubby being with some one else is gut wrenching..... i really truley do not want him to spend the rest of his life alone... he is a bit of a loner and not only am i his wife i am his best friend..... i spend more time worrying about how it will be when i am gone than i do about dying myself.(i am 49 my hubby is 51)  in reality he could be alone for 20 or 30 years, who could wish that on anyone? what is a suitable mourning period?? i have no idea but i suppose at least a year... possably 5 who knows... but people do say people who were happily married seem to feel the need to have that again... not really sure if i agree with that but the idea of dave having no one saddens me, i have told my daughter that i want her dad to be happy and hope if he does find someone she will not stand in his way.

no one will ever replace your mum for you or your dad... you can be sure of that, and this new lady may just be short term, but maybe just maybe your dad needs a hug. take care. liz xxxx

I found this site by accident and cant believe people are taking time out of there day to help me like yourself, when my problems seem small compared to what your going through.Im really sorry your ill but you seem like a strong lady. Reading your message did make me think as my mum was ill for along time and perhaps like you and your husband they to spoke about it.Im not saying i dont like her , she lives across from my dad and has done for years , its seeing them together when i think it should be my mum. Its my dads birthday on sunday and we always come together and celebrate it but he wants jean(his lady friend) to be there.My brother has met her and his fine with it but my dad and brother have moved on and im still on the day my mum died .I dont know how to move on and just feel im existing and not enjoying life anymore. I dont want my dad to be lonely and i know somehow ive got to over come this but everytime i think i will go and meet her i make myself ill.Im very emotional person and i dont want her to feel uncomfortable when i see them together i'll  get upset.Sorry for rambling and thank you from the bottom of my heart for talking to me it means alot.You to take care love sue xxxxx

try thinking what your mum would want for you...... i bet the thought of you being so sad would upset her.... i only have one child my  shes 29 and due to give birth to my only grandchild in 2 weeks.... i know she is going to mourn for me.... but i would hate for her to be suffering for so long... i want her to think  of not what she has lost but what she had .... a mum who loves her very very much..... i want her to think of me and smile... tell my grandson (we know) what i was like ... how i smelled .... how we laughed... i want her to be happy... i know your mum wants the same for you ... you can make her proud just by living life... thats all a mum wants. take care enjoy life smile when you think of your mum... liz xxxx