I havent' wrote a poem today or been on a walk, I've had a very bad day, 2 nurses have been out to mum today, she's not very well, she cant get out of bed cos her blood pressure is so low.....so anyway, I have been driving my step dads car, to take mum to hospital visits etc, and to take my step dad to hospital too as he has angina, I'm trying to do my best and keep everyone happy, so a trivial thing blew up into not so trivial tonight, my son, who is at uni, wanted me to pick him up, my other son who is 8 was going to a BBQ with his paternal grandparents, so I wanted to borrow the car, he basicaly blew up and said "well you know I go to the pub on a friday", and things got a bit fraught, I havent cried since the day mum was diagnosed 4 weeks ago, but this little tiff sent me into an uncontrollable spurt of emotion, I cried for an hour solid, my eyes were stinging, i wanted to stay at home but I had to pick my son up from youth club, so I turned up with puffy eyes and went straight round to mums to give the car back to my step-dad, he was ready to go as soon as I got there, which I was happy about because I knew anything he said would set me off again, mum is very unwell and cant get out of bed cos her blood pressure is so low when she stands up, I thought he might be stayin in as he did last week cos she wasnt well, anyway I took the car back, mum got up, I could tell she wasnt happy, my son is the ight of her life, and she too was so looking forward to seeing him.........I know this is such a hard time, feeelings are fraught, emotions are running high, mum was not happy, but I dont want her to take it out on her partner, I dont want them to fall out at this time, I was so upset, I thought I had recovered by the time I went to mums, but no, she was talking about it and I couldnt hold it back, she looked at me, in the way only a mother can, she knew I was upset, I had tears welling up but I couldnt stop them, my son was sat next to me, I looked at her and she knew, straight away, that I could not talk, I was choked, I didnt want my son to see me, then she got a bit upset, I feel bad, I havent lost it in front of her yet, I have in past times, thats why she knew instincively that I was not right, I laid on her bed for a whille, with her, I love my mum sooooo much, she is my support, I cant bear to see her like this, and I dont want to fall out with family members at this time, but I knew she was mad, she was even talking about getting me a car on her credit card, maybe I should shut up now, but I have cried so much tonight, Ive held it back, was just waiting for a trigger, and it happened, i do feel better for letting it all out, so...........
I would like to post a poem written by someone else, I picked up a newsletter when mum was having RT 3 weeks ago, inside there was a poem, written by a member of staff, it brightened my day, it is sooooo my style, but the author is Anon, I have a little ducky pic, the ducks on my pond at home.......
A duck and her ducklings have taken up residence on the roof terrace behind the upper reception in the Queen’s Centre CHH. Smiths Pet Shop have donated some free pet food and they have water to paddle in/drink and some boxes to shelter in. Originally there were 11 ducklings, but at the time of writing only six had survived. A member of staff has written the following poem:
In oncology, on level 2
A duck and her ducklings, will greet you
Away from her home, mum built her nest
Safe but high up, she’s a little bit stressed
The ducklings paddle, in a tray
