Dear Husband, I will be there for you, every step of the way, right by your side.

  • Nearly five years on and finally living.

    FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I've revisited my blog once more, such harrowing reading it makes. It brings it all back to me, just how intense and suffocating the cancer journey was , resulting in me loosing my darling husband. Five years - in some ways it feels like yesterday but in other aspects it seems like it happened in another life time . I'm so glad I kept the blog though, it reminded me that I did all that I could to help Bryan on his…

  • Just waiting and waiting

    FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Lots of really really sad tears today. Not for any particular reason, but just incredibly sad. I'm just wondering when the tears stop. I'm waiting for them to stop. I'm waiting to stop grieving. I'm waiting to stop feeling hollow. I'm waiting for something to feel truly worthwhile. I wonder when I will stop having that feeling of dread inside when I deliberate my future. Im pushing on as I have no alternative but I feel…

  • The winds of grief blow long and hard.

    FormerMember
    FormerMember

    17 months of living without my husband by my side. 17 months of grief and heartache, visiting dark places and finally some more happy places. Memories. Over and over they return. How my heart and soul and body ache for him. So much has happened here without him, so much has moved on. I struggled so much with the feeling that I was leaving him behind, I felt disloyal, unloving and down right miserable. But I didn't have…

  • The daily random struggles without him by my side.

    FormerMember
    FormerMember

    July 12th seems like many years away now - looking back down a long dark tunnel. I have no idea how I got through that time and am still physically in one piece. I think the initial body blow of my dearest man's passing has subsided. What I am left with is a series of muddled up thoughts that invade my head and occupy my every single waking minute. And of course I'm left with virtually no energy either.

    I'm functioning…

  • The despair, the darkness & the emptiness.

    FormerMember
    FormerMember

    It's six weeks and five days since my husband passed away. Every day a difficult one, every day a struggle, every day hollow and empty.

    It's not possible to put into words how grief feels. Even if I knew every language in every country I would still not be able to find the words to absolutely convey the misery of loosing my husband. I realise that I had spent so long thinking about him dying that I hadn't really…