Losing body parts is not something anyone wants, particularly not a woman who faces losing her breasts because of poxy cancer.

Some ladies won't need a mastectomy - they will have the lump cut out, which is known as a lumpectomy. In either case, both involve scars and can feel like a part of your femininity being taken away.   

I was gutted when the consultant said they'd have to take all of my breast tissue on my right side. They'd spare my skin and I'd have an implant, but the nurse annoyingly kept saying: 'it'll be a long time before you look normal again.' (Yeah, thanks!)

I suppose I had kind of accepted how I looked. It was ok if no one else saw, anyway. Of course, looking back, two years on I realise now how I detested my body and how angry I was at cancer for making me look like this freak.

But there's no point in being angry at cancer, because cancer doesn't care about how you feel or how your boobs look - it's selfish, you see. 

So last week, I finally got to look normal again and underwent a reconstructive surgery called a DIEP flap procedure. This is a long operation where the surgeons take tissue from your tummy to rebuild your breast.  

I now understand what people mean when they say they are proud of their scars. It shows they fought for something. I never felt that with my mastectomy scar.  I felt that I'd lost and I had lost. I lost my breast and my confidence but most of all I lost all trust in my body. 

But this time around I gained.  Not just a brand new body but my confidence and self esteem. And the new scar on my tummy and scar on my breast remind me of that.

Of course in time the scars will fade, along with my memories of cancer. To others perhaps they may be unsightly but to me they are beautiful and I couldn't be more proud of them.


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