• Two very different days

    Monday was not a good day, everywhere I looked the big C was surrounding me.  I couldn’t get away from it.  I get that TV adverts are a great way of raising money but TV is a big part of my life and I don’t need reminding of the alien being every 15 minutes.  Then there’s the news, this disease always seems to be the trump card of newsworthiness when really there’s plenty of others to choose from too. …

    • 5 Aug 2020
  • Getting stuff off your chest

    I am a volunteer coordinator for a charity that helps homeless people in my local area, I’ve been doing this for 3 years nearly and I am very proud of the work we all do.  What with Colin and Covid I haven’t been able to do much this past 5 months, in fact the charity has had to scale back operations significantly.  I have, in this time of shielding, felt very isolated from the group and this morning I finally…

    • 1 Aug 2020
  • Menopausal musings

    Today, I had my phone and my drugs in my hands as I entered the living room and put my phone on the side table and tried to plug my drugs into the charger, there really is no hope

    • 26 Jul 2020
  • The new norm

     It’s the first month since last October that I feel normal, ok it’s a new normal but I don’t have to visit a hospital or have bloods every other week.  My treatment is straightforward, I know what’s in store, it’s easy to plan around and I feel ok most of the time.  I am so looking forward to my shielding becoming not quite so strict and I’m determined to get to the sea very soon.  I hope…

    • 18 Jul 2020
  • Hiding Away

    The end of shielding is approaching and as much as I want to be able to go out again I am also terrified of the world, it’s far too peoplely for for me and I don’t think many people get what social distancing is about.  I’ve decided to use a stick, not because I  need it but because it’s a way of stopping idiots  getting too close and I’m going to shout at people who get in my way!

    • 8 Jul 2020
  • Spicy not nicey

    I have had a couple of days feeling really not well at all.  I’m feeling much better now thank goodness and on reflection I think my poorliness was due to some very spicy food I had on Monday.  It really got to me today of all the drugs I am taking (there’s some in the fridge and some in my special drugs box) the one thing that floored me for a couple of days was bloody chilly sauce!

    • 2 Jul 2020
  • Summer Time and the living is drippy

    Just a quickie tonight, it’s the hottest night of the year so far and I’m melting, it’s so puthery and the hot flushes are volcanic.  I discovered cold water in a spray bottle is my new best friend.  I’d rather look drippy from that than the sweat pouring off me

    • 24 Jun 2020
  • Family

    I am lucky enough to have a stepdaughter and stepson who are the bee’s knees.  They both work in retail management and are both great at their jobs.  This weekend, my wife and I visited them both, at a social distance and it was bloody ace.  We have adhered to the shielding rules for weeks but having a colin and shielding has been really hard!  I’m not the best at hugging but boy when it’s out of the equation it’s really…

    • 21 Jun 2020
  • Town Life

    I live in the middle of the town centre, there’s not many streets like mine here, my house is Victorian and was built to last, the newer houses are being built on surrounding fields, miles from amenities. I always wanted to live in the town, I love the countryside but I couldn’t live there.  Saying that, being at home over the past 3 months has made me realise just how lucky I am to live here.  There’s birdsong…

    • 17 Jun 2020
  • Nostalgia

    Since the Colin invasion I find myself constantly wanting to be nostalgic, I eat stuff I’ve not eaten in ages and do stuff I’ve not tried in a long time, it’s weird but cool to just think ‘fuck it’.  Sterilised cream tastes the same as it did in the 80s, home brew beer is ok and relatively alcoholic.  Wanting curry for breakfast is perfectly acceptable and spending all day in bed is reminiscent…

    • 14 Jun 2020
  • Nostalgia

    Since the Colin invasion I find myself constantly wanting to be nostalgic, I eat stuff I’ve not eaten in ages and do stuff I’ve not tried in a long time, it’s weird but cool to just think ‘fuck it’.  Sterilised cream tastes the same as it did in the 80s, home brew beer is ok and relatively alcoholic.  Wanting curry for breakfast is perfectly acceptable and spending all day in bed is reminiscent…

    • 14 Jun 2020
  • Pain

    Yesterday I had my monthly jabs at home, which is an awesome service that I am very grateful to be able to avail of.  The nurses come to me and stab me while I sit in my own chair.  They don’t quite get my curiosity about the stuff I’m injected with and expect me to find them painful (which I don’t).  My blood tests have only hurt once, not one cannula has either.  The Colins in my bones are also supposed…

    • 9 Jun 2020
  • Shielding day 1 million and three (at least)

    Apart from the odd trip to hospital or a short walk or drive to get stuff to my Mum (who lives around the corner but driving means no people) or just for my sanity, I’ve not been out since 19th March, like I said at least a million days ago!  I’m not ill, I just have shit blood atm which makes shielding even more depressing.  It’s the fact that I’m not able to which frustrates me, I tend not to go out much anyway…

    • 8 Jun 2020
  • Morrisons Doorstep Delivery

    Whilst unable to sleep due to activity from the flush monsters, I have received and read an email from Morrisons (with a spelling mistake - another bugbear of mine) that reminds of their doorstep delivery service, so of course, food shopping is just the thing to contemplate at stupid o’clock.  However I discovered that the service expects a shielding person to be a geriatric (but interestingly there’s no incontinence…

    • 5 Jun 2020
  • Dawn Chorus

    I always try to see the good in everything, even when it’s hard because you’re really tired or grumpy.  It’s 4.30am, I’m tired, the hot flush monster is stopping me from sleeping combined with it being a warm night but it’s June and it’s sunrise and the dawn chorus is keeping me entertained.  I live in the middle of a small town but there’s always a plethora of winged creatures to listen…

    • 2 Jun 2020
  • Fighting battles

    Over the last two weeks a client and I have been in a battle as to how he has decided to dispense with my services.  It’s a long, boring story suffice to say he has been using his partner’s illness (the big C) as an excuse for his shoddy behaviour.  Today I decided to trump him by telling him about my Colins.  Apparently a partner’s Colin justifies you being an arsehole so I reckon having a few Colins all of…

    • 29 May 2020
  • Sunday Sunday

    Sometimes I have wobbles about the Colin, especially about ‘milestones’.  Will I see another Christmas, birthday, anniversary, longest day, so being reminded of them soon to occur is not what I want to hear!  Positivity is me but when you have a diagnosis you just don’t know what the future holds.  On a more amusing note I was busy doing the vacuuming today wondering why nothing was being picked up when…

    • 24 May 2020
  • Lockdown Entertainment

    Prior to lockdown, I can’t say I was the most sociable person on the planet but I did like a trip to the pub or the cinema or even an art gallery or somewhere with creatures.  Since lockdown finding stuff to do has been pretty frustrating, I’ve watched ALOT of TV, quizzes, dramas, films and soaps, I’ve taught my wife my take on dominos (I don’t understand the rules that came in the box), I’ve kept my tiny garden…

    • 23 May 2020
  • My Corona

    I have managed 9 weeks of lockdown bollocks before getting stroppy but today really did get me down.  I have a prescription to pick up, a letter to post and a cheque to bank and because the bank shuts at 1pm none of these got done today because I’m relying on others to do them.  I’m not ill, far from it but my immunity is not good so even though I can work (I work from home) I can’t sort the simplest stuff outside…

    • 21 May 2020
  • Hot Stuff

    In December 2019 when I started my treatment I experienced my first hot flush, they are as described, bloody hot and bloody annoying but the thing that really gets me is how the prelude wakes you when you’re sleeping, so you can experience the full flush in all it’s glory.  It’s hard to describe the sensations you feel, suffice to say they are hot, flushy and annoying.

    • 18 May 2020
  • Befuddled Brain

    My Colin is a hormone reactive one, so part of my treatment is a suppression of my hormones causing menopausal symptoms, it’s weird having it happen almost over night and it means my brain is befuddled quite often.  I have never been the most articulate person on the planet but now I struggle to speak, crap constantly comes out of my mouth, if anything at all.  Tonight I called nail clippers, pliers, because I couldn…

    • 17 May 2020
  • The Scan after party

    The CT scan was fine, blackcurrant is much better  than lemon for the iodine stuff.  Came home to a a crap phone call about work (am self employed and still working) but it didn’t upset me like it would have before, life changed with the Colin, it made me re-evaluate what matters and what doesn’t and work isn’t important anymore, the bills will be paid and there will be food and Guiness so who cares.  

    • 15 May 2020
  • Scans

    Tomorrow I go for another scan, I’m losing count as to how many now, I think it’s either 8 or 9 in varying forms and that’s in 6 months.  They are ok if but long, the radiographers are amazing and explain everything and there really is nothing to worry about.  I find them relatively relaxing, at least there’s no phone calls or social media mid-scan.  I am also doing a trial so I have to give the research…

    • 13 May 2020
  • The Colin

    When I first discovered the unidentified object was the dreaded C I decided to name it Colin because I didn’t want to speak that horrible world and I I’d never met a pleasant Colin in my life, so apologies to any Colins out there who happen to be nice but it is my alien and I can name it what I like!  Talking of doing what I like, the fact that I can do what I like and just blame Colin is one of the very few…

    • 12 May 2020