Yesterday i started my chemotherapy treatments. Day one.... started badly as i was so anxious in the morning i was really trying to stop myself crying,its a number off issues,not the the cancer and the treatment. But i got in the taxi and just managed to hold it together.  The taxi was also late,but thankfully so were the staff at clatterbridge! And the pharmacy were late too so i had some good time to sort my head out and get strong again. I think having strangers around me made things a bit better. Ive been getting real emotional whenever i see friends and family lately. It hard when all they can say is "you will get better,you will be fine,dont worry' only so many times i can out up with that. God love them all,they mean well and it must be so hard for them to sty strong. That must be the only way they can,tell themselves ill be fine to stop the thought of what might be? They will never know the demons that now lay in my head just waiting for those weak moments to pounce and try and ruin everything.... everyone on here has been brilliant,every random person ive spoken to over the last three months has helped me immensely. I thank you all from the bottom of my hopefully fully working heart.....?! hehe!

Anyway,back to the day. I had the obligatory questions and go through my history,12 years means a long conversation whenever they ask this,so tedious but i have to prove im of sound mind?! Got through that fine and had the checks on my breathing and my scar from the op. all looks well. the consultant said im more than fine for the chemo. For the age of people they get in they mostly present firgures of around 40 to 50,that  mean good for chemo but keep a close eye on them. i came out at 107!! so i just pray that that means im gonna have it relatively easy. I pray......

They started me on the pre-hydration,two bags of i think it was 400 litres,it took an hour and a half to get inside me,had to monitor my urine levels to make sure im passin it through ok,that my liver is working to its full potential. looks that way.

started that at 11am,got onto the cisplatin at sometime around one to half past i think. and took my first vinorelbine tablets. one big one and one small one. olus loads of different types of anti-sickness pills. felt a bit like keith moon at one point haha! got through that,then post hydration. another hour and a half. then i could go home. All pretty painless,now just waiting to see what happens. back next thursday for more vinorelbine tablets. They said that after a few days i would start to feel tired and after ten days or so my bloods will drop so thats when i have to be very carefull. I also have to take my temp everyday,if it goes above 37'5 then we all panic haha!  got home about half seven pm,long day but now ive started and i can get strong now i know what happens. the mental side of things is a slight worry but i just have to keep talkin to you lot and all my friends and family to keep me up there!

Its wednesday morning and ive woken with a full head of hair so thats a plus!! gonna take my anti-sickness about 12pm so i may update a little later tonight. ill try. Bye for now......

The anti-sickness pills are working but it is giving me a little heartburn sensation. but shortstacked on her gave me some good advice as her hubby has been through the same thing as me. he still is,god love the pair of them,such a nice couple (thanks guys!) but yeah,nothing really to write home about today. bit more sicky than yesterday but i suppose it to be expected. see how i get on tonight.

Im off to see the Super Furry Animals in concert in Liverpool so looking forward to that one!

talk to you later peeps. i hope this reaches you well! xx

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Super Furry Animals was great,loved the whole night,stayed out a bit later than planned and was a bit worried about how id feel today but im not too bad up to now,fingers crossed. bit sicky and ive no more anti-sickness pills to take,just the steroid ones so today could be interesting i think?! gonna grab some breakfast now and drink lots. hopefully that will set me up for the day. got plenty of chocolate for later and a couple of movies.

Temp is 34.9,was 32 then 33 yesterday so pretty steadily rising,just keep an eye on that one. 

talk to you all soon. hope everyone is well today......xx

 

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Ok,so we got through friday with minimum fuss. felt a tad more sicky than i did do but it could have been the late night and the fact id taken all of my anti-sickness allocation. who knows? we'll see. i am starting to sense a pattern in certain times of day as to when i feel bad and when i feel ok. mornings arent great,neither are evenings. midday seems to be when my body is strong and can fend things off. common sense really no? i got an annoying bout of hiccups again last night late on so ill be dealing with that asap. 

The one thing im being naughty on is not drinking enough. i really need to drink more. *slaps wrists*.... so today im gonna drink loads and see how that  makes me feel later tonight.  i already hate the feeling of all this liquid inside me. its not right.

I am feeling better in myself. sometimes the demons creep up and remind how long ive got left of this,its always when im feeling weak too,they pounce,swines. im managing to keep them at bay somehow. although the timescale of this bears heavy on me. i know it isnt as long as some of you but hey,its all relative isnt it?

anyways..... temp today is 33.2 getting pretty even now.

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last night (saturday) was my most hideous yet. went ot my mothers for some post bonfire night fun with sisters and the kids and i didnt even last an hour,had to come home cos i was so tired and brain dead. then slept all night and woke about half one. managed to get back to sleep about half three and slept til ten but god i hope that isnt repeated in a hurry. feeling ok up to now,fingers crossed. maybe a good long sleep was all i needed.  my belly just feels wrong. full of stuff that shouldnt be there and its just moving around in a wrong way!

temp according to my new thermo this morning is--36.3!! normal i think?! either that or im about to explode haha!

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sunday was better,thank god!! felt better in myself and felt i could handle the dodgy feelings better. still getting the same feelings but i dont know,maybe a lot of it is mind over matter?  maybe i have to get my head around it phsycologically? and then my body will react accordingly? lets see eh?!

i ate quite well yesterday too so that was good,at least my appetite hasnt vanished yet!

Temp today is--35.8.....

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Did i do monday? or have i just missed that off completely? oops! couldve sworn id checked in? anyway,monday was a definate improvement. and tuesday i almost feel normal again. forgotten what it was like! got my vinorelbine on thursday at halton hospital. so hopefully we cn carry on for another week as we are. 

Temp today is-36.2.......

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Today i feel great,a little tired but the most normal ive felt since we started this journey. i feel like ive got a bit of strength back now. ready for round two. got my second lot of vinorelbine tomorrow so we will see how im doing there,blood tests and stuff will be done and general checks to make sure im ok and all the rest of it. but im not worried. im ready for more now. batteries are recharged! lets get this over and done with once and for all........

Temp today is-36.0 bang on.

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Had my second dose of vinorelbine today,was a relatively painless experience and i was in and out in an hour so all good! feeling good too so cant complain. just got to count the days down until the next cisplatin day. and then wish that away! soon enough ill have wished the next 9 weeks away and we will be free of chemo woo hoo!! hehe! and hopefully free of cancer.........??????

temp today is-36.1

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Well last night was interesting,slept all day after my vino and then when i woke i was sick within 20 mins,purely from the drugs,and had the worst case of diaohrrea(?) all night. wasnt pleasant. i think its passed now thank god. it wasnt painfull or anything,just unpleasant overall. i think enough time had passed fro me to digest the vino,i thought maybe i have passed the tablets through but about 7 hours had elapsed so i think im safe. ill see how i am today and if anything else happens ill be ringing the nurses.

Aprt from that im still feeling pretty good. can feel some slight side effects from the vino but nothing near as bad as the cisplatin. the devil drug! haha!

Temp today is-35.9

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Back to normal today. nothing to report. feeling good and looking forwards! going out tonight to watch the boxing so should be good,ill be on the orange all night,thats the only downer! ah well. next year is massive party year! and a big drink will be had!

Temp today is 35.6

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Its monday and the weekend was ok,quiet but ok. im starting to get a little bored of being stuck indoors now though! cant really go out because its too cold and i cant risk catching anything so im resigned to sitting in and finding ways to amuse myself indoors?! there are only so many daytime shows you can watch!! my Xbox is coming in handy and my laptop but im getting a bit bored of these too?! everyone else is at work,i never thought id be jealous of people working but i am?! i wish i was in work right now,annoying my colleagues! ah well,soon enough eh?! feeling-wise i feel fine,tired but good. no complaints......

temp today is-36.2

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Tuesday,feeling good,bored but good!! im gonna have a day of eating i think! my appetite is one thing that hasnt suffered in all this,ive been eating like a horse! ive defo put weight on so that can only be a good thing!

temp today is-36.5!

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Same as tuesday really,feeling good,gonna eat a little less today! dont want to end up a fatty! hehe! the belly is already trying to bust out!

Temp today is-36.2

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Another day indoors.... weather is grim,feelin good but cant go out as its far too miserable! cant wait for payday so i can maybe do a few things! bit skint at the mo!  Mentally its the hardest thing,being stuck in while everybody else is out at work,im jealous of peoples routines now! haha! I WANT ROUTINE! and not the routine that gts up at nine thirty,makes breakfast and watches daytime tv for two hours while surfing the interweb? then makes lunch and watches tv for two more hours while surfing the interweb?! aaarrrggghhh!! i need more hobbies,my guitar is making my fingers bleed im playing it that much,my xbox is getting to tough to complete all my games,and it costs me a small fortune in batteries! and i cant play my beloved football?! untill end of jan,they arent gonna know what hits them when i get back haha!

temp today is-35.9

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Had a great weekend,even had a little drinky too! was a bit tender yesterday so didnt bother posting! hehe! back to clatterbridge tomorrow for round two of the dreaded cisplatin so should have some interesting stories over the next week!

feeling good since last week,hope this is the pattern cos it should be easy to deal with if so......

temp today is-36.4

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ok,had my second chemo session yesterday,the cisplatin,was a rough day but im through it now so its all smiles again...!! just hope now im not too bad this week. i know what to expect and they have given me a few more drugs to help me cope. so here we go. batten down the hatches and swallow those pills and lets see how the next 6 days treat me?! ill keep you all updated......

temp today is-35.9

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Ok,day three on cycle two............. bit sicky but the pills are kicking in so hopefully this wont last too long. im feeling good otherwise. not gonna bother going out until i know im right as the sicky feeling isnt quite under control yet. dont wanna vomit int he soup isle of asda haha! the hardest thing is working out the timing of taking the pills? if i take them too early then im left all day and by evening time im still sicky im screwed. best to take them between 9 and 10 am i reckon. any later is a bonus too but depends on how you feel in the morning really.

temp today is-35.8

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Day four,had a rough night. couldnt sleep very well,kept waking up. got all the pills i need but still feel all sicky and distracted. guess its parr for the course really. im not gonna feel good on it so suck it up and count the days down eh?! see how we go today. hope its a bit better. could do with getting some fresh air and some retail therapy! PAYDAY WOO HOO!! hehe!

temp today is-35.8

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skip to day nine i think? wow,weekend was real rough,felt awfull and just couldnt concentrate on anything at all. felt sick and bloated the whole time. couldnt sleep right,kept waking up and then couldnt sit still at all. the anti-sickness pills they gave me almost made me feel worse? i got so sick of putting things in my mouth that that was even making me wretch? so i stopped and things seem to slowly go back to normal? go figure? i dont know. ill habe to inform them of this when i go back on thursday for my vinorelbine tablet....

temp today is 36.1

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stayed in last night,was gonna go to quiz night but still wasnt 100% so decided against it and waking up this morning i think it was a wise idea,i feel right as rain after last nights rest. thank god!! never expected that to last  whole week.  but as a wise man told me in this very blog its now a week thats behind me rather than in front so have to look forward and think im halfway....

temp today is 36.1

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------sorry its been a few days but ive been feeling good and had to get out an get busy after being cooped up in my bed for too long. still a bit sicky every now and again but feeling loads better than i did do. the nausea tablets actually make me feel worse.... not sure what that is about but ill mention it next time im in for more chemo stuff. i also keep forgetting to take my anti0biotics?! oops,they told me of last time for not even bothering so i said this time ill be good and take them properly,oh dear...... took one this morning and hopefully ill remember now.... trust me?! lol

temp today is 36.3

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feeling good still,week three and nothing to report really. i love week three!! i feel human! i can also drink! woo hoo! had a drink at qiz night last night and felt like everyone else,totally normal! i even cracked a few jokes that got the whole table laughing! ah,small moments eh?! gotta love them! so ive got last night and hopefully saturday night(going to see Ian Brown in concert) to leave me with some lasting memories to get me through next week. the dreaded cisplatin week one...... but lets enjoy the remainder of week three first! woop!!

temp today is 36.1

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Hi all,well,day one of cycle thre and i dont feel too bad really,got some better anti sickeness so lets hope they do the trick... do feel alittle sicky but no wretching just yet,thats good.. im just trying to keep my mid sharp and hope my body will follow suit really.... tomorrow will be the real measure i think.... i do hope its gonna be easier ive got a xmas party on monday so i have to be right for that! anyways,for now ill leave you with my temp!!! i know you are all dying to know what it is?! hehe

temp today is 36.1

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Woke up at 20 past 5 this morning,not impressed,had heartburn and felt sick,moreso than i have before,was a little bit sick when i went to take my antisickness pills,go figure?!  took all my pills and waited for it to calm down. i think it has now hopefully so gonna have an afternoon powernap.....!!! will keep you updated on my day.......

temp today is 36.1

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Well,woke up early again,slightly sicky but not as bad as yesterday so that was a refief. managed to get back to sleep until ten. since i woke i havent taken any pills as yet and i dont feel too bad. touch wood this is defo easier than cycle two. was a little scary yesterday but hopefully that ship has sailed..... gonna drop all my pills now and hope the day goes quickly. im getting really really bored now. and the prospect of taking pills is actually making me feel sick. last day on a few of them today so thats good news. hope i can gt to my xmas party with vic on monday or i will be gutted.....

temp today is 36.2

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Wel,got to the party,was a long night but i got through it,and wasnt sick or embarrassing at all woo hoo!! had a really nice night meeting all the parents hehe! eek! also got through the whole of xmas and new year without incident,had a really nice new year too. best one in a little while if im truthfull. long may it continue i say! **raises glass**!! well,its now sunday the 3rd of january and ive got my last chemo on wednesday! last one! well,last time on the drip at least,then a tablet next thursday and tat is really it! cant wait to put an end to this! im feeling really good this morning,i looked in the mirror and even though ive just got up i felt like i looked really good,best ive looked in a long time... this has been a very hard journey and ive had some amazing people get me through it. ive also realised that my resolve is a lot stronger than i originally gave it credit. ive been so strong mentally in all this and ive been on my own for the most part. positive thinking has never been so important in my life until now. ive learned a lot of lessons and my eyes have been opened to a lot of things. this has been the best thing that has happened to me cos its woke me up. now im gonna live my life the way i want to live it. i said previously that its nit life changing,i want to change that cos it is life changing to me now. ive realised just how much. my outlook is changing to what i wanted it to a long time ago but i just couldnt see a way to make it happen. now i can,and im so thankfull that things were noticed in time and i get to have time to make these changes. i lost a friend from here that i was a shock,wasnt expecting that at all. r.i.p. to her..... 

anyways,ill leave this little bit of pathos now. will check back soon. hope all who read this are well and happy. stay that way,for me!!!!

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ok,day two of cycle four. up to now it isnt too bad,i feel sick but its par for the course really. nothing that isnt too unpleasant. if i take all my anti-sickness at the right times then it is very tolerable. im bored more than anything and just counting the hours away until i feel a bit normal again! the heartburn came back for this cycle,but ive still got some tablets for that and they seem to work grand. i keep waking up early again. 5 o clock this morning,managed to get back to sleep and then slept until 9am so all good. i need to venture out to the shops too cos ive no breakfast stuff in but its like ice out there at the moment so not relishing that. might see if i can blag the postman into going for me haha!

temp today is 36.0 bang on!!!

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Day three,still feeling sick but not being sick. generally feeling ok,just sick and tired. spirits are up though so this is getting me through it. plus the fact this is my last cycle is making me smile. its been so hard but ive done it. ive got through it. i just hope its all worth it now and i get better and better. im dying to just live a normal life now and get back to doing the things i love. fingers crossed. no more emend today so this could be interesting. plu the last of the steriods today so i should start to sleep through eventually!! keep waking up at about 5 and 6 am for some reason! i do get back to sleep but its annoying! 

temp today is 35.8

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Day 7,ok ive not been here everyday but seems pointless to post the same thing day in day out! also while typing this i kept missing the 'E' out?! maybe the chemo is making me ignore the letter 'E'?! lol who knows. anyway,day 7,last cycle of chemo! woop woop!!cant wait for tomorrow when i will have had the last of my chemo and ill be on the road to recovery! no more feeling sick and tired all the time! no more having to take loads of tablets! no more having a faint bell ring in my ear everytime i yawn!! (the tinnitus!) no more having to guess when the last time i went to the loo was?! no more having to stay still loads cos if i move ill feel sick. no more having to taste metal in my mouth instead of how good food should taste,im going for such a slap up meal at the end of the month!!! but for now lets just get this one out of the way. not out of the woods just yet, ive felt a little nauseous on this one,all the time. been a weird one. not unpleasant but not very pleasant either. like the fairground ride again but not as bad. i think the fact that its my last one has helped me too. ive been very positive throughout so its kept me going. now for tomorrow. ill be having a chat with my consultant to see what the next plan of action is regarding check-ups and scans and the like so ill fill you all in tomorrow once im done!!.. ola......

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Had my last tablet today. no more treatments. no more drips,tablets,anti-sickness pills,steroids,heartburn tablets,constipation pills lol! no more! get this out of my system and then its building my body back up to what it used to be before all this started. peak fitness. gutted i lost all my hard work but i guess it was for a valid reason!! haha! gonna start some light running in a couple of weeks and then start back at football and kung-fu in a month or so. exciting times ahead. my life starts again from here...... you all came with me. i hope it helped some of you. ill keep posting for a few weeks yet to keep the progress on my recovery updated so i wont be dissappearing. gonna have to find another thing to write about though to keep all the friends ive made in here together!! amazing people,all of them.......warm.loving and most of all...inspiring. thankyou..... 

Anonymous
  • Small correction........................love you Sue but ....................he didn't lose the fight he livid like a bugger through all of his troubles with this demon........................he laughed, cried, partied, fathered,played football, shouted, dressed up, holidayed, moved out, moved in, moved out, moved in, gigged,sung, laughed some more, cried some more, Danny lived like he wasn't ill. To say he lost is an injustice and one up for this vile disease.......................Danny Won hands down I love you my sweet Vicky xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx You will rest in a out Out kinda way ;)xxxxxx

  • Danny sadly lost his fight on 29th December 2011.  RIP Danny Boy xxxxxx

  • Hello,

    It's really a pleasure to come along your

    profile,  I am Joy by name, good looking young girl and in search true love. This is why i have decided to contact you for a good relationship and also get to know ourselves. Age,race, and religion is never a problem to me, all that matters to me is true love. Kindly contact me on my Email (joy.musonda@yahoo.com), to enable me send you my pictures so that i can tell you more about myself. Hope to hear from you soonest, Joy

  • Hi you lot. I''m back. Sunny Spain has had rain, cold, wind, even snow, just like home. Good relaxing time though, nice tan [weatherbeaten]. Demons under control and back in box. I lit candles for us all in a beautifull church. Funnily enough that was when all the demons disappeared. As a group we terrified them !!!!

    Hope you lot have been behaving yourselves [as if ] and all is well with everyone.

    Love Bill xxxxx