Geri is the thyroid cancer specialist nurse on the Macmillan Support Line.
She checks this group and responds to medical or factual questions where members could benefit from an expert answer. You can also post questions specifically for her - she'll aim to reply within three working days.
I say welcome to this group but I'm sure you'd give anything to not be here. I am very very sorry to hear your Mum's diagnosis, everything you describe sounds so normal under the circumstances. I see you mention RMH, I am at The Marsden too and you are at an excellent hospital, they will do everything they can. Try to take any support you are offered and ask for help if you need it because then you can concentrate on spending precious time with Mum for however long she has left rather than always doing stuff.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Lauramarie, I am SO SO SO sorry to read this. Anaplastic is an absolutely dreadful diagnosis and I feel so bad for you and your mum. Coming on top of your Uncle's death, this must be just too much right now.
I don't have experience to share but I can suggest a book that you might find helpful. I read it over Christmas and it's Lisa Niemi Swayze's book 'Worth Fighting For' which tells of her final months with her husband Patrick (yes, THE Patrick Swayze). Her attitude to making the most of limited time is really inspirational. If you can get a copy, I think you might find her infectious enthusiasm for not wasting the little time you have left and enjoying every moment together could be helpful.
Huge hugs to you. You're not being selfish at all, you know. The stuck in glue feeling is a natural reaction to the sudden bad news.
You might already have found these pages on the site, but if not, they could be a useful starting point.
Are you in touch with your local MacMillan Centre? Because they can help you as well as your Mum.
Thinking about you
Very sad news for you and not easy. Big big hugs to you.
Your not being selfish you need to time to think and don't be hard on yourself for that. Maybe sitting down and making a list of questions might help you.
It will naturally happen talking to your mum I hope, it can sometimes be tricky. We have had several family members die of cancer over the years and its not an easy thing for some to talk about.
I haven't looked on here, but I am sure there are some pages on being a carer and what to ask. I know there are carer groups you can join. Cancer Research Uk also does good info pages with most having questions that you can ask about.
All the best to you all and keep posting if and when you want to. We are all here to help as best we can.
Hi so sorry to hear this There does not seem many people on here diagnosed with this my Dad was diagnosed on March15th 2012 they said he had 3-6 months he is nearly 81 and still doing well he had 36 treatments of radiotherapy but the tumour is eroded in to his windpipe and round his vocal cords so can not be removed he is finding it difficult to eat and does not have a lot of energy but he is still with us there is a little more information on the American forums ive found. Big hugs to you all there are lots of emotions going round in your head at the minute x
Hi Lauramarie. I've been trying to post for a while now but the site kept chucking it back at me.Sorry to hear your news.Things have improved in the treatment of these rarer thyroid cancers over the last few years. You are under one of the best cancer centres so that is a def. plus. I always think it is worse for the family watching a loved one go through treatment. I should think you are all stilll in shock things do get a bit easier when treatment starts. As for talking to your mum I find my daughter and I have most of our indepth chats in the car one to one on our way to my appointments. I hope you find some solace on this site. Keep posting Good days to you and yours...Fran
You are scared and upset and your mother is a thousand times MORE scared and upset. The two of you will get snappy and say things you may regret. It's all entirely understandable.
Your days together are numbered and if there's ever a time in anyone's life to make allowances, to forgive, to look the other way over the harsh words and actions, and to put the other person firmly in first place - even when that means fighting all the instincts to fight back or say something unkind - then this is it.
You will have time to grieve later but now you have only time to love and to care for your mum. If she gets snappy then please tell yourself it's the cancer talking and not your mum because you don't have forever and you don't really have time to fall out and make up again. Love her while you can and try to find the strength for the time that remains. I'd also suggest - regarding moving house - not to make too many big stressful changes in your life that will compete with spending time with mum.
Good luck and be brave.
I am so so sad to hear this. I want to just give you a huge hug. She will have know your love for her, don't worry about any of that. There are never any words or things that help, you know you are thought of here and that you can seek out our support when ever.
I am never good with words at times like this, but I just wanted to say something there and for you to know I am thinking of you at this time.
I'm so sorry and sad to hear that. It was so quick...Please, don't feel guilty because you didn't get to hospital in time, you mum would not like that you feel guilty... I encourage you read the poem and say things you've learned from your mum and mention some nice times together. Your mum would be happy of you doing that and to see you are being strong and fulfilling your dreams. I think it is the last chance to say all these things.
That's all I can say... xx
I haven't posted for a while, cos I had a problem logging in - but i have read your posts. I'm so sorry for your loss and you are allowed to feel upset and emotional at this time.
Please don't feel guilty - I am sure your mum knew you loved her and that is all that matters. I am sure the poem will come from your heart and this sounds like a lovely way to remember her. If you break down whilst reading it - then fine - that is allowed!
About your Aunt - I am sure she does not feel that you are in the way, but why not try being open with her. She is probably worried that if she opens up, she will upset you too. But maybe if you both open up, you may help each other through the grieving process. She is grieving her husband and your mum too.
Don't worry about sorting through your mums things - my friend's mother passed away a year ago and it is only just now they are sorted through her stuff. You will deal with that bit when you are ready. As for funerals, speak to the funeral home as they can advise you on the finance side of things.
It will take take time before you feel ok, - I know it is hard (my aunt died leaving 4 young kids last year in between my surgeries - so I didn't get a chance to talk to her either - and we are all still grieving her loss), but you have a lovely little 3 year old who needs his mum.
And don't forget - If you are feeling really low, your GP may be able to provide information on bereavement support groups.
Take care of yourself - and come back to us if you need a chat or help with something else.
I am so sorry to hear your terribly sad news. What a traumatic time it has been for you and your family. The loss of a parent is so incredibly difficult, try not to feel guilty, you have done all you could to make your Mum's last weeks comfortable and she is no longer suffering. All of the emotions you are feeling now are very raw, it is important that you do what makes life bearable for you now and get as much support as you can.
With regards to the funeral costs, it might be worth trying the financial advice service offered by Macmillan. I don't know if you have a Maggies centre close to where you live, but they also offer lots of support for the families of people affected by cancer.
I imagine your Aunt is only too happy to help and perhaps you being there is helping her to feel less alone too. At times like these, families can be a huge help and source of comfort...take what support is being offered, because it will help you all in the long run.
It may be worth spending some time with friends and family deciding what you think she would have wanted for her funeral, but when all is said and done, it is one day. It does not compare to the years of love and affection you shared...that is what counts, and what will keep you going through this painful time. When the hurt has subsided, the love you felt for her and your memories will still be there. I wanted to read something at my Mum's funeral, but I just couldn't find the strength. I would suggest you ask a friend or family member if they could read it for you, and then if you feel able, you can read it yourself, but if not, you know your poem can still be shared.
Keep posting Lauramarie...there is always someone here.
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