Search this site
Hi all, im looking for some advice here i know its a long shot but i dont know what to do!!!!
Right here goes....... My mum was diagnosed in may 2010 with pc, after attempting the whipples procedure which they couldn't do because the tumour is attached to a main artery so they couldn't move it. The day after we were told that the prognosis was 9-11 months. She was given palliative chemo up until 4 weeks ago, when they recieved her body scan results back and it has spread now to liver, lungs and stomach. She has coped really well for over 2 years now, even though the last 6 months have been a struggle for her. Its been a nightmare 2 years for us
I live 4.5hours away from my parents and family. Even though i play a very large roll in phone calls for meds, pain relief etc. She does enjoy coming to stay here (as i live by the sea too). Shes goin into hospice for a week tomorrow so they can assess fully her pain relief as shes taking too much oromorph.
I have set up a life here with my husband, job etc. But now im questioning whether to go and stay with my parents for a while to give them both support. They have both said no to me in recent conversations, as they dont want me to mess my life up what I have here.
I love my Mum to bits and would have this cancer for her if i could and suffer for her but obviously cant. So my big dilemma is what am i supposed to do???? Me and my husband are here with no family we just have each other.
I am going home tomorrow for a couple of days to support her as she has to see the consultant to find out if they are going to offer her anymore treatment, which i think the chances are very slim, and when he told her he was stopping her treatment due to the spread she broke down for a couple of days. She is such a strong lady to get this far, so much so im finding it hard to make this decision as normally im very stern with her but i dont want her to think im goin home because im thinking somethings goin to happen as she might give up!!!!
I know we are by the clock now n im the only 1 in the family whos researched all of this stuff to know the averages(which she has overcome). But now im scared and confused on what to do next!!!
Any advice from any1 would help greatly thanks
Very scared and emotional little girl of a very strong lady xxx
I'm Caz, 28 years old, and helping my mum deal with pancreatic cancer first diagnosed in april 2010.
non curable pancreatic cancer
Thank you both for taking the time to reply to me........ Just to update you, we saw the consultant and he has given her just a few weeks prognosis. So on that note I just had to come home to be with my family, my husband is supporting me every step of the way, even though he cant be here with me. Its tough at the moment being away from him but I seem to be getting alot from being here with my Mum, visiting her every day in the hospice, and being able to cheer her up. Also I have found out that Im pregnant in the last few days too and shes over the moon and knitting a cardigan already!!!!
So for me I feel that I am doing the right thing for me and my Mum, and I only made the decision through all the advice and support Iv had from people (family and friends).
I know what comes next and I just need to be here with her so shes not scared and Im getting a lot of motherly advice about pregnancy from her too.
Thanks to everyone for the continued support in all this
xxxxxx Caz (devoted daughter)xxxxxxxx
My thoughts are with you and your Mum at this very tough time for you. Draw strength from your family and keep your Mum smiling with thoughts and chat about the baby.
It's a hard road, but you will find the strength from somewhere to give your Mum all the love and support she needs.
Sending you huge squidgy hugs and much love,
Everyone is gonna hurt you. You just have to work out which ones are worth suffering for.
So sorry to read about your mum. She sounds like such a strong, amazing lady. I'm a similar age to you, and lost my amazing dad to pancreatic cancer in December only 4 weeks after diagnosis. The weeks after he was diagnosed passed by in such a blur, but we all pulled together as a family and rallied around him. He was at home all the way through, and we had great support from our GP, Macmillan, Marie Curie etc. It's great that your mum is getting good care from the hospice and you're able to visit her. Spend as much time as possible with her (as you are doing) and talk as much as possible. The last few weeks with dad were such a tough time but also beautiul too (if that makes sense) as he was surrounded by so much love. It's not easy but, as someone said above, you really do find the strength from somewhere.
If you have Facebook there's an amazing support group on there - search for Families in Support of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness. The people on there have all been touched by this horrible cancer in some way, whether it's a lost loved one, a loved one currently suffering or having the cancer themselves. They've been a brilliant support to me and my family over the last 7 months.
I can sympathisse what you are going through. My uncle is now in the final stages of PC and my Father (his brother) has dimentia. My mother is about all that is holding things together but we are helping where we can. All are in their late 70's and 80's. I live 3 hours away and my sister about 2. Whilst we all want to be by our parents or relatives side offering as much support as possible, we have to respect what they are telling us. My uncle is a resolute grumpy old soul and no one is going to move him from his house into care. So if thats his wish we have all agreed to honour it and thus its down to the rest of us to try and mnake sure he is as comfortable as possible.
I think there comes a time when we all have to face the harsh and bitter reality of what lies ahead. My Uncle is now fully aware he is not going to pull through and he has a right to decide how he wants to end his last few days. Its probably harder on us as we all have a born in natural want to try and do the utmost. I know my parents welcome any help they can get, but they wouldn't want us to jeopardise our job's or current domestic situation which I think is posibly where your mum is at. Its sooo hard and I can only sympathise with you.
My uncle is now reduced to fluids only as he cannot handle solids so we know his time is not far away. We can only do the best we can for him. Thankfully my dad is oblivious to most of what's going on.
Never be afraid to ask.
If you have any questions about our organisation our Macmillan team would love to hear from you
You can also follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Flickr or YouTube.
© Macmillan Cancer Support 2010
what are these?