We are Macmillan. Cancer Support
Ive posted here before and find all the discussions going on a comfort.
My mam was diagnosed with lung, liver and kidney cancer earlier this year. Shes had 3 lots of chemo (albeit not full doses because of her liver levels) and is due for another mid June and after that she will be scanned again.
Shes coping pretty well but she seems so much weaker now than when she started. She can only manage short bursts of energy (i.e. a ten min walk with my dad or even a quick trip into town) but it wacks her out - even her macmillan nurse put her on the naughty step for trying to do too much ha !! Her legs and lower back are weak and shes sleeping so much more lately but she says shes not in pain, just uncomfortable. What im struggling to understand is if its the chemo causing the weakness and energy loss or the cancer itself. We have no idea how long she has left as she is only having palleative chemo but surely this isnt the end already????
Had a really crappy "feel sorry for myself" day yesterday. especially when my hubby brought up the Disneyland holiday which was booked way before mam even seen a doctor and needs to be paid off next month.. We were due to go in August with our 3 young kids (twin 6 year olds and a 9 year old - who by the way know nothings about mams illness yet). We have cancellation insurance but that isnt really the issue. Even if shes doing OK then, im not even sure I could bring myself to leave her and pretend to be happy even for the kids sake... guilty and selfish spring to mind. Rambling on again....
Any advise re mams weakness would be really appreciated.
thanks (with love) Andrea
When Laing was having his chemo he had some good days and some bad days. I think it was his thrid (of four) that really was the worst, I haven't looked at his notes he made for some time. He also tried to do things and thankfully (I think), he was too knackered to manage! He also slept a lot, when he was comfortable.
Is it the end already? you ask. Not in Laing's case. He pulled through it, and we booked up our three week holiday to the Far East - Burma, Penang, Saigon and Bangkok - business class all the way and top end hotels, we didn't skimp, not now we had his pension we didn't have to. Before we went though, the day we left, we saw the oncologist who said the tumour was coming back.
We also managed a week in Venice at Christmas an we got married in January the week before he died. It was after we got married I think he gave up on life. Looking back I should have seen the signs, but I was forever talking him up. Sometimes he was looking on the bright side. Even in January he was looking into going to Japan for a holiday.
You have every right to have a feeling sorry for yourself day, week or however long you want. We surround ourselves with gloom, but I look back at those last ten months from his diagnosis and wonder where we got the energy and optimism from, but whereever it came from, it kept me going then and is still doing that for me now.
It's tough to be strong, but it's also surprisingly easy. Don't burn yourself out. Don't be afraid or ashamed to seek help, from any source, and make sure you see the doctor if you feel run down at any point. If your mother is anything like mine was, she would have given me a good old ear aching nag for not looking after myself, evven when she wasn't well and wasn't looking after herself! I don't know about some mothers do have them, some of us kids (I'm 58 now btw) don't half get lumbered with parents! Bless their cotton socks!
Have a free huge hug from me, and if you need any more, let me know and I'll send over a supply you can call upon when you need them.
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