Dad has cancer for the third time in his life, this time we knew it was different, symptoms completly different, friday after weeks waiting for appts ct scans, biopsy etc he got the new that its terminal lung cancer so aggressive that it grew so aggressivly in such a short space of time,we had a flicker of hope when the biopsy went well as the tumor was easy to get to (on the chest wall, we now know this is the worst place for it) this cancer is totally unrelated to his previous lung and testicular cancer in the past, his treatment will now be palliative, awaiting the inital macmilllan visit this week, he will get one shot of radiotherpy at high dose and after that just palliative care, i cant cope, ive not been well myself with ongoing pnuemonia which has resulted in broncholitis oberlitons, im struggling feeling guilty that my mumhas to deal with this, my dads other children have been there visiting, they will take him for radiotherapy appt next week, im going to visit on sat with my husband and children i need to see him before he gets too sick and thegrandchildren love him so much, i feel so bad for mum i feel useless, i dont stop crying, constantly googling, thinking about mum being on her own, guilt hits me like a bullet, childhood arguements, experiances come into thought constantly, never thought it would happen this quick and not this year,im 37, my dad is 72 my mum is 64, im in a lost place, myself being stuck at home with my illness its all i can think about, cant bear his suffering,he is in pain on morphine, so thin, really dont know what, where, how, why??????

I am so terribly sorry to hear your devastating news, and you are clearly very close to your dad.  I think the way you are feeling is really normal and talking to someone and sharing your experience I hope helps.  I think the grief can become so consuming so trying to focus on something else can really help, but I know it's easier said than done.  Please don't feel useless though, being part of a family is about sharing the responsibilities.  My own dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 weeks ago - Mesothelioma, cancer of the lining of the lung, so I can empathise with you!  He is going to be having some palliative chemotherapy and when he was first diagnosed I felt a huge weight of responsibility on my shoulders, being the eldest of 4 and my mum is unable to drive (i'm 42, dad is 72).  However, I've realised that all the family want to do their bit to help dad and so sharing the lifts to hospital etc. is a practical way for everyone to feel useful.  Like you I have been terribly weepy and can't bear to think of him suffering towards the end, I just pray that the doctors/nurses will be able to make him as comfortable as possible - i'm putting my trust in them!  Life seems so bloody unfair sometimes doesn't it??  I myself am in remission from cancer and just when life seemed to be getting back to 'normal' (whatever that is) this happened.  Anyway, I probably haven't been of great help, but having a good cry really helps to relieve the stress and I'll be thinking of you.  

I'm so sorry to hear this and I really don't know what to say. My husband who is 59 was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in January. I am 54. The shock was unbelievable especially since we lost our 29yr old son in law to a brain tumour last summer. What we have found is that we have now 'settled into' the situation and I am better if I don't think beyond what we have planned for the next couple of months. We are fortunate in that my husband is receiving chemo but it is only palliative with the aim to give him about 3 more months. He has had 2 out of 4 sessions and is to have a chest xray this Friday before we meet the oncologist to discuss whether the treatment has worked and whether to continue with the chemo. Like you I was googling all the time and trying to make sense of everything and as I said to my doctor even though I was looking at the same websites and reading the same info it was if I was hoping to see a private message that said that all this didn't apply and that my husband stood a fighting chance! I've stopped all that now as I have realised that every case is different as is every day. We're not negative and shock others at times with our black sense of humour but it's how we survive. My daughter, who is 25, is worrying and is very sad for my future but I have told her that I'll be fine and life will go on. It won't be the same but it will be another phase in my life and one which I have to make the best of and not waste. My husband and I met 13 years ago and have just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. We are so very happy and I will be devastated when he is no longer here but I am blessed to have shared these years with him and I owe it to him to use our love to get me through it. I have explained all this to my daughter and I think it is helping but I have also stressed that although I will need her love and support she and I have our own lives and that I don't want her to feel thast she has to constantly by my side and I actually wouldn't want that. As mothers and daughters we are often torn between our roles. Be kind to yourself and think of the good times, talk about them often and grab any chances you have to enjoy the time you have left with your father. I hope that this has helped more importantly that it makes sense! Take care and let me know if I can help you any more.

Thank you so much for your replies, your words have helped, it's a warm feeling to know that you are not alone with these feelings, if I can be of support to you then we can do that on here xxx I think it's easier to get a honest opinion from some who is unconnected from your own life, be strong ;) this word palliative is actually more of a scary word than the cancer word. Thanks again to you all xxx.

I know exactly how you feel, we're four month into this nightmare with my dad, diagnosed in November with a kidney tumour and secondary bone tumours, we were all very positive at the start, he's battled through two rounds of chemo drug which had he responded well they said could have given him 5 years, he 's been so brave and positive but last week the scan results showed the tumours had grown not shrunk, so no more chemo, just morphine which keeps being increased to manage his pain,. Like you I can't cope I feel so helpless, we live 120miles away and have been traveling there every other weekend,we try to help with all the things he can't do any more, we chat, I cook to give my mum a rest, we try and stay positive, I take my mum food shopping cos she doesn't drive, I ring and speak to them every day,my brother isn't in the country and he's struggling as well, he' s planning to get here soon, my son will start his gcse's soon, and I worry constantly about them all. I try to keep busy at work every day so it keeps my mind busy, but it gets me everyday as I drive home I think this has become my time to let go and wollow in it, my husband and kids have been great and they all want to spend as much time as they can with my dad, that's all we can do now is cherish what time we have left, but I'm so angry about how cruel it's been, it's never given him a chance, he had no symptoms at all from the kidney tumour it was pain in his ribs that he went to the drs with, since then he's lost over two stone and has fought all the side effects from the drugs so bravely, back in September he was in the states sailing with my brother quite unbelievable now, sorry I going on about my own sorry situation, your not alone and it's ok to feel so sad, try to spend as much time as you can with all your family, x,

its the speed of this disease that amazes me, my dad was never himself from the previous cancers but he was in remission and had a life, albeit a quiet one, now its just sleep, pain, hospital he cant even face his beloved garden anymore just to step out in it. im worried for my mum, they have their first macmillan visit tommorow, so that may be of ease to them, who knows, it would be a lot easier if myself wasnt sick as well. but knowing that im not alone in the situation is a ease, everyones experiances eases the guilt, i wish you and your families all the best, im logging in here everyday :)