I was told on Thursday that i have got breast cancer, im shocked, upset, very scared as im sure you all were and still are.  My doctors havent told me much yet, if anything to be honest.  I was in total shock when i was told and all i could hear was the word cancer, every word after that i couldnt hear.  All i know is that the lump is 3cm, ive got to start chemo first.  How long i have had it, i dont know as ive had breast pain for quite a while also pain in my back the same side that the cancer is, has it spread?  So many questions are buzzing around in my head but im afraid to know the answers.  How will i cope?  My mum died of womb cancer 3 years ago and i will never get over that.  She was so brave, never cried and always positive.  Wish i could take after her but at the moment i feel like a 4 year old, im hurting and scared and want my mum.  Im actually 48 years old lol.  I have 3 girls and having to tell them broke my heart so i have no choice but to be brave and put on a face to show my girls that everything is going to be ok, but inside me i breaking up.  Im not scared for myself its my children. They are not ready to be left on their own.  im hoping to make a few friends on here that will be willing to listen to me moaning and telling them how scared i am as i cant let my family and friends know how i feel, it wouldnt be fair to worry them anymore than they already are.  So heres to new friends and a fight ahead of me. xxxxxx

Hi Amanda, 

I am so sorry to hear your news.  a cancer diagnosis is shocking, upsetting and scarey and your reactions are totally normal. my diagnosis came last December so I hope you will believe me when I say you will get through.  You've done the hardest bit in telling your daughters - try to take one step at a time and if you can I would encourage you to tell someone in your circle of family and friends how you are really feeling. There's lots of advice on here and also if you have a Maggies centre near your hospital make use of the help and support that they offer.  You are not alone in this.  Your message ended on a very positve note I felt....you have found a new friend in me and I'm sure there will be many others who will stand with you in your fight against this dreadful disease.  

Sending you lots of love and hugs and prayers

xx 

Hi Amanda - Firstly Im sorry you find yourself on this site. I know how scared you are feeling - I was diagnosed last September. However you will find lots of help & support from all the ladies on this site. You will be able to have a rant & rave as there is always someone here to listen & support you with good advice - belive it or not you will even find humour here - hard to believe for you at this early stage I know.

I know what you mean about never getting over your Mum - I lost mine to colon cancer in 2004 & my sister to womb cancer 2 years ago tomorrow. I am 54 & just want a cuddle from my Mum & for her to tell me it will be allright. The further on down the road of this nightmare you get you will find it easier & as hard as it is to believe now the light at the end of the long tunnel will burn brighter with each bit of treatment you go through. 

I dont know how old your girls are, I have 2 sons of 14 & 18 & I found being honest with then was the best thing I could do to help them cope. Children are more resiliant than we give them credit for no matter what age.

Dont forget - if you need a moan you can always contact me or someone on here.

Take care & remenber that each day passed is a day nearer recovery. xxx

Hi Amanda, This is my first post although I've been following all the threads and have taken real comfort from the ladies on this site. I was diagnosed the beginning of February with a 2.5 tumour. Like you my first thoughts were for my children aged 8 and 11 and wondering whether I would live to see them grow up. I can really identify with what you said about only hearing the word cancer and the rest being a blur. You will be able to take more in as the days pass but if you're anything like me I could not cope with too much info at first. Like you I am having the chemo first - 4 FEC and then 4 taxotere then the mastectomy. The idea of having the chemo first is to stop the risk of spread. Are they going to do an MRI to get a fuller picture? Will be thinking of you and keep us posted, Mateface67

Hi Amanda,

I was diagnosed in March with IBC. I'd been googling away for a couple of weeks so thought I wasn't going to be shocked by what the consultant told me but I was. It's taken weeks for it to start to sink in. I also started with chemo and will then have surgery followed by radiotherapy so we have long roads ahead of us.

For me, it has helped to be very upfront with people and tell them I have cancer. I try to use the word so it won't be a taboo. I have a secret Facebook page for my closer friends and can update them there on how I'm feeling and receive support too. No-one else can see the page unless I add them so if you're a Facebook user, it might be something to think about.

I find emotions come over me at the strangest times. I had to leave my OH in Tesco yesterday and go and sit in the car and have a little weep. I have no idea why but I just needed to do it so if you can try to go with how you feel, that might help. I haven't liked some of the tests I've had but feel I'm in good hands so trust my oncology team.

There is no right or wrong way to get through this but get through it you will. There is so much support here and people really DO understand where you're coming from and I find that hugely helpful. I don't always post but read most of the posts and feel I'm part of a community.

Be as gentle as you can with yourself, be kind to yourself and try and take each minute as it comes. Some will be good, some will be bloody horrible but they will all pass.

Sending you hugs,

Shelley xx

Hi Amanda I am sorry to hear your news, i am guessing it is still very raw for you having only found out a few days ago. I know as a mother myself that you want to be strong and brave for your children but just make sure you have someone that you can truly express your feelings to, I know you will find lots of support on here. My dad has lung cancer and he always puts on a bravado and it's sometimes easy to forget he is ill as he seems so normal, I know he is scared about starting treatment and though he hasn't said so I just know, I hope he is confinding his real feelings to someone as its too much to deal with by yourself. I have a breast specialist appointment Tuesday, about breast pain and am worried about the possible cause, I am to young for a mammogram so will be having ultrasound. Just remember breast cancer is so very treatable these days and I am sure you will find comfort talking to all the brave ladies on here that are fighting this battle or have fought it and won xxx

Thank you so much for replying to my post, knowing that someone has taken their time to read my post and to reply already makes me know im not alone.  How are you doing? what stage are you at with this horrible disease?  sending you hugs too xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Amanda,

Your post sounds just like me.  I was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago, 5 weeks to the day after my dad died of cancer (he had been given 6 months 5 weeks previously) so I have been living a constant rollercoaster.

I have 3 children aged 7 - 15 and I just pray I get long enough to see them all grown up.

I have already had my op (quadrectomy and sentinel node biopsy) and start chemo next week followed by radiotherapy, herceptin and tamoxifen (I was greedy and had a triple positive hormone receptor test).

I really hope everything goes well for you, keep posting, I find that lifts my mood.  One day you will feel up and another day you could feel down but keep talking.  Everyone is very supportive on here.

L