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Breast cancer

Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women in the UK. Men can also develop breast cancer, although this is rare. This group is for anyone affected by breast cancer to get together, ask questions, share experiences and support each other.

Scared!!

No. of entries: 33 | Posted on 07 Apr 2012 02:39

Scared!!

  • I was told on Thursday that i have got breast cancer, im shocked, upset, very scared as im sure you all were and still are.  My doctors havent told me much yet, if anything to be honest.  I was in total shock when i was told and all i could hear was the word cancer, every word after that i couldnt hear.  All i know is that the lump is 3cm, ive got to start chemo first.  How long i have had it, i dont know as ive had breast pain for quite a while also pain in my back the same side that the cancer is, has it spread?  So many questions are buzzing around in my head but im afraid to know the answers.  How will i cope?  My mum died of womb cancer 3 years ago and i will never get over that.  She was so brave, never cried and always positive.  Wish i could take after her but at the moment i feel like a 4 year old, im hurting and scared and want my mum.  Im actually 48 years old lol.  I have 3 girls and having to tell them broke my heart so i have no choice but to be brave and put on a face to show my girls that everything is going to be ok, but inside me i breaking up.  Im not scared for myself its my children. They are not ready to be left on their own.  im hoping to make a few friends on here that will be willing to listen to me moaning and telling them how scared i am as i cant let my family and friends know how i feel, it wouldnt be fair to worry them anymore than they already are.  So heres to new friends and a fight ahead of me. xxxxxx

  • Hi Amanda, 

    I am so sorry to hear your news.  a cancer diagnosis is shocking, upsetting and scarey and your reactions are totally normal. my diagnosis came last December so I hope you will believe me when I say you will get through.  You've done the hardest bit in telling your daughters - try to take one step at a time and if you can I would encourage you to tell someone in your circle of family and friends how you are really feeling. There's lots of advice on here and also if you have a Maggies centre near your hospital make use of the help and support that they offer.  You are not alone in this.  Your message ended on a very positve note I felt....you have found a new friend in me and I'm sure there will be many others who will stand with you in your fight against this dreadful disease.  

    Sending you lots of love and hugs and prayers

    xx 

  • Hi Amanda - Firstly Im sorry you find yourself on this site. I know how scared you are feeling - I was diagnosed last September. However you will find lots of help & support from all the ladies on this site. You will be able to have a rant & rave as there is always someone here to listen & support you with good advice - belive it or not you will even find humour here - hard to believe for you at this early stage I know.

    I know what you mean about never getting over your Mum - I lost mine to colon cancer in 2004 & my sister to womb cancer 2 years ago tomorrow. I am 54 & just want a cuddle from my Mum & for her to tell me it will be allright. The further on down the road of this nightmare you get you will find it easier & as hard as it is to believe now the light at the end of the long tunnel will burn brighter with each bit of treatment you go through. 

    I dont know how old your girls are, I have 2 sons of 14 & 18 & I found being honest with then was the best thing I could do to help them cope. Children are more resiliant than we give them credit for no matter what age.

    Dont forget - if you need a moan you can always contact me or someone on here.

    Take care & remenber that each day passed is a day nearer recovery. xxx

  • Hi Amanda, This is my first post although I've been following all the threads and have taken real comfort from the ladies on this site. I was diagnosed the beginning of February with a 2.5 tumour. Like you my first thoughts were for my children aged 8 and 11 and wondering whether I would live to see them grow up. I can really identify with what you said about only hearing the word cancer and the rest being a blur. You will be able to take more in as the days pass but if you're anything like me I could not cope with too much info at first. Like you I am having the chemo first - 4 FEC and then 4 taxotere then the mastectomy. The idea of having the chemo first is to stop the risk of spread. Are they going to do an MRI to get a fuller picture? Will be thinking of you and keep us posted, Mateface67
  • Hi Amanda,

    I was diagnosed in March with IBC. I'd been googling away for a couple of weeks so thought I wasn't going to be shocked by what the consultant told me but I was. It's taken weeks for it to start to sink in. I also started with chemo and will then have surgery followed by radiotherapy so we have long roads ahead of us.

    For me, it has helped to be very upfront with people and tell them I have cancer. I try to use the word so it won't be a taboo. I have a secret Facebook page for my closer friends and can update them there on how I'm feeling and receive support too. No-one else can see the page unless I add them so if you're a Facebook user, it might be something to think about.

    I find emotions come over me at the strangest times. I had to leave my OH in Tesco yesterday and go and sit in the car and have a little weep. I have no idea why but I just needed to do it so if you can try to go with how you feel, that might help. I haven't liked some of the tests I've had but feel I'm in good hands so trust my oncology team.

    There is no right or wrong way to get through this but get through it you will. There is so much support here and people really DO understand where you're coming from and I find that hugely helpful. I don't always post but read most of the posts and feel I'm part of a community.

    Be as gentle as you can with yourself, be kind to yourself and try and take each minute as it comes. Some will be good, some will be bloody horrible but they will all pass.

    Sending you hugs,

    Shelley xx

  • Hi Amanda I am sorry to hear your news, i am guessing it is still very raw for you having only found out a few days ago. I know as a mother myself that you want to be strong and brave for your children but just make sure you have someone that you can truly express your feelings to, I know you will find lots of support on here. My dad has lung cancer and he always puts on a bravado and it's sometimes easy to forget he is ill as he seems so normal, I know he is scared about starting treatment and though he hasn't said so I just know, I hope he is confinding his real feelings to someone as its too much to deal with by yourself. I have a breast specialist appointment Tuesday, about breast pain and am worried about the possible cause, I am to young for a mammogram so will be having ultrasound. Just remember breast cancer is so very treatable these days and I am sure you will find comfort talking to all the brave ladies on here that are fighting this battle or have fought it and won xxx
  • Thank you so much for replying to my post, knowing that someone has taken their time to read my post and to reply already makes me know im not alone.  How are you doing? what stage are you at with this horrible disease?  sending you hugs too xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Hi Amanda,

    Your post sounds just like me.  I was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago, 5 weeks to the day after my dad died of cancer (he had been given 6 months 5 weeks previously) so I have been living a constant rollercoaster.

    I have 3 children aged 7 - 15 and I just pray I get long enough to see them all grown up.

    I have already had my op (quadrectomy and sentinel node biopsy) and start chemo next week followed by radiotherapy, herceptin and tamoxifen (I was greedy and had a triple positive hormone receptor test).

    I really hope everything goes well for you, keep posting, I find that lifts my mood.  One day you will feel up and another day you could feel down but keep talking.  Everyone is very supportive on here.

    L

  • HI Amanda,

    I went to the doctors with a lump lass than a month ago and had cancer comfirmed by a biopsy, had a wse on Wednesday and waiting for the results and my treatment plan on 13th:))

    I too only heard the word 'cancer' and though it was a death sentance, but the more you read the more you find out how treatable it is.

    Take one day at a time, go to the middle of nowhere and have a good scream if thats what you need to do.

    There are lots of people on here to talk to and loads of useful imformation, I started a blogg as I thought it would help me:))

    All the best

    Carole B

  • What a lovely lot you all are, thank you so much for taking time to send me replys.  Ive read other newbees first posts and basically we all say the same, just how scared and confused we all are.  Its comforting to then read from others that are going through treatment, and even better to read the ones from ladies that have made it through to the end.  Sending everyone on here loads of love and hugs xxxx

  • Hi Amanda - you asked at what stage we are at & by your last posting I hope I can give you a bit of a cheer-up.

    I was diagnosed in sept 2011, had a biopsy in October & a mastectomy in November. The thought of the chemo filled me with horror. I started it in Dec & managed to keep my hair until 3rd Jan when I went to my best mates armed with the clippers & a big bottle of wine. Losing my hair has been more stressful than losing my boob but even that I've got used to now. I have just got a 2nd more "funky" wig which everyone loves.

    I had my last chemo on March 28th & cant believe its finally finished. I lived in 3 week cycles so perhaps thats why it seemed to go quicker than I ever imagined. I did get side effects - but they dont last forever & I am still here to tell the tell & now fighting fit ( Well I will be ) to continue with me life. I have 25 sessions of radio starting on April 23rd so will be finished 31st May.

    You will get through it as impossible as it seems at the beginning - it seems an impossible mountain to climb but with guts & determination - positive thinking & as much humour as you can muster you will get there a stronger person at the end of it.

    I was trying to get my waitressing job back but I heard the restaurant is now looking for topless waitresses - my arguement is that they would only have to pay me half wages !! 

    Take care - you need a rant anytime I will always be willing to listen & give any support / info I can. xxx

  • Hello Suzie, thank you for taking the time to write to me, im not quite sure how to use this site yet, so im hoping you get this message.  Im sure you have heard it many times, but this comes from my heart, youre such a brave lady, all the ladies on here are.  I know im just starting the road to what i hope is recovery and i can be the one writing to newbees on here and telling them all will be alright.  Like everyone i never thought i would ever get cancer so the shock was amazing, then i thought not,why me, i thought well why shouldnt it be me, im no different from anyone else.  Lost my mum to womb cancer 3 years ago, God she was a brave woman, never cried, always positive.  I dont take after her at the moment, im so scared about what my future holds.  My life is a busy one, i have 9 children and one husband and 5 dogs that all rely on me, telling them broke my heart, as a mum its your job to protect your kids not break their hearts.  All they can see is my mum dying and think that is gonna happen to me.  My plan is to be truthful with them throughout my treatment, but do plan not to let them see it troubling me, so my release will be on here.  Knowing there are people like you on here to turn to will help me so much. 

  • Hi Amanda. Sorry you are here on this site but please read your post again. You will see how you are going to get through this. Your post reads from someone who has accepted, in a way as we never really accept it all, and are working out in your mind how to play it, to the least effect on your family. That's the first stage for most of us women on these paths. And it's this attitude of love and caring for family that will get you through. I too was horrified at my diagnosis, so scared for my kids, as a single mum although they are 17 and 22. Thought how on earth do I get through it - well it's a ride you get on and you can't get off till it's done. And you will find strength, we all do. I'm now through mastectomy, lymph node clearance, chemo and radio and I'm not brave. Just has to be done. It went by so quickly in hindsight and there are times when you feel low but you get up and get on with it im now on a 2 week break before back to work, was diagnosed in sept 2011. Feels like yesterday. Yes looking back there are things I would have done differently but none was about treatment, just throw everything at me was my request. You sound like you have a strong family and that will help soo much. I wish I'd had that. Hide your bad days from your children if you need too but share them with someone, you need support as well as you supporting your family. You can do this. I did it. :-) xx take care and we are all with you xx
  • Hi Amanda - I just want to say I agree with all Janice just said on her post. I - like her - was diagnosed in Sept 2011 & am a single parent of 2 boys 14 a 18. Sometimes it felt that I wanted to curl up in a ball & say " leave me alone I cant do this - dont want to play this game anymore" but you just cant do that as that means the gremlins have won. Your husband & your kids will be your reason for being strong - it must be hard for you having 9 kids but thats 9 good reasons for you to stay positive. 10 with your husband.

    I know exactly what you mean about how you feel about your Mum dying. I felt the same with my boys & my Mum but mostly my sister as they were very close to her & she was only 55 when she died 2 yrs ago ( I'm now 54 ) I dont know the ages of your children but be honest as you can with them - explain to them that breast cancer is a different thing to womb cancer. Thats what I tried to stress to my boys as my sis died of womb cancer. They may not want to start the conversation with you but its important you reassure them by not trying to ignore it. Its a hard conversation to have but nessesary to make then aware of whats going on. You will be suprised at how resiliant they are - I know mine suprised me thats for sure & Im proud of them for it.

    Take care & keep posting to let me know how you are doing. xx

  • Hi ya Janice, so glad you are recovering well and im sure you are a very brave woman.  You are right tho, there is nothing i can do to get off this ride until its over i realise that.  Im off to the hospital on tuesday 10th April to find out a bit more.  All i know at the moment is that i have a lump which is 3cm and that ive got to have chemo first.  Hoping its to shrink the lump and not because they already know its spreading, my mind is playing bad tricks on me at the moment , i dont know that im accepting this, i think its more that i still dont believe it.  Im sure it will sink in very quickly once i start treatment.  Im hoping your kids were a support to you as you are on your own.  Im lucky that i wont have that problem, ive got a good husband and great kids.

    You take care, and its lovely to think there are people like yourself ready to listen to me xxxxxxxxxxxxx