We are Macmillan. Cancer Support
I have known my Dad has had bone cancer for three years now and yet I am still shocked to find out only last week he has only 2/3 months left to live, I keep asking myself what is that ........2/3 months ? Its nothing , nothing at all. I also know that no time given would be enough.
My Dad has given a good fight: chemo, stem cell treatment followed by a hip replacement 12 months recovery ( due to the damage the cancer had caused) , only to find out the cancer was on the up and increasing . He has gone through 5 different lots of chemo the last 2 lots the strongest they have to offer, hooked up to a drip for 24 hrs a day, 4 days on the run and still it is progressing .
How can it be that with all the reserch and all the years that families have had to suffer this disease that some times nothing can be done ? How can that be??
I look at my Dad and I cannot belive that soon he will not be with us. I dont think I that I have absorbed the information or I choose not to belive it ?? Everything is so hazey and dream like it just dosent seem real, although I am fully aware of what is to come , dose that even make sence??
Given that the cancer is distroying my dads bones it is difficult for him to get out, he refuses to use a wheel chair and feels cold all the time, I worrie that although he his giving a good fight it can't be much fun sat in all day,& the weather dosent help.
I try and spend as much time with my dad as possible , snatching an hr here, a few mins there an evening on the weekend , but with 2 small children to look after, a 89 yr old grandfarther who is in much need of attention and a part time job to work I often find myself feeling like I am not giving my dad or my children or my grandfather the time that they need as most of the time I just rush round trying to fit every one in. I want to spend every given moment with my dad ..............
Im not ready to lose my dad , how do you deal with this????????????????
I found out that my mother has bone cancer a week back, she is not taking treatment and she has two tumors. I am not clear how long she has something I am trying to get clarity on but she is not in good shape. My feeling is at most till the end of the year.
I dont know what to tell you really beside that this is something that makes the world stop. We have to be those young soldiers going into battle in the front lines. We have to be strong and just push on knowing that this is going to be one of the hardest things we will have to face in our life. One thing to try be mind full of is that it is most difficult for our parents. So as hard as it may be for you it is double hard for them. I keep this in mind and push on into the unknow with as much strength and compassion as I can find. The sooner we can accept their inevitable death and the sooner they can see that we have made 'peace' the sooner we can be of greater support to them allowing them to move on more peacefully. (I write this with tears in my eyes).
Have strength and my thoughts are with you.
I feel for you so much.
In answer to your questions, I don't have the answers but I want you to know that my thoughts are with you. It's so hard to find people to really talk to.
As I replied to Sachka earlier, I've been on both sides of 'the cancer coin'. My mother died of cancer when she was only 52 (and I was 30). Like you, I just couldn't bear the thought of losing my beloved mother and like you, I had two very small children and was rushing around trying to do everything for everybody. Try and remember 'you' in all of this and allow yourself time to come to terms with the situation. All your Father needs is your love.
I know because at 52, I've had cancer four times; the latest being told (incorrectly) that it was secondary and I had a poor prognosis. I feel guilty for mentioning that when you know that your father doesn't have long, but the reason I'm telling you is because during my devastating time, I just wanted to be around my children and grandchildren and enjoy being in their company.
I found it hard at times to 'be brave' and it was helpful to be able to express my fears. I didn't want to be treated any differently. I wanted to laugh ............. and cry ............... and carry on as 'normally' as possible.
I just wanted to make the most of the time I had left ............ doing what I could on good days, but not being hard on myself when I was feeling awful.
I also wanted to still be Mum and it was important to me that my children and grandchildren carried on with their lives. I didn't want to be a burden.
I do hope that something I've said may have helped (even if it's only in a small way).
I'm sure you're doing the very best you can, but I hope it helps that there's 'cyber' support.
Best wishes to you.
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