hi.

My husband was diagnosed in december with lung mets and in feburary with brain mets from his original brachial plexus sarcoma.

he received surgery to remove the brain tumors but 3 wks later 3 more had grown  and he was given whole head radiotherapy to minimise symptoms. his lung tumours have more than doubled in size.

This week his legs, which have been getting progessively weaker, have buckled a couple of times, he has also developed a bad cough and his breathing has gotten worse.

He is only 30 yrs old and i know that he is going to die soon, i just need to know what to expect?

none of the health proffessiionals have really told me how he will deteriorate and i just want to know to be prepared.

we have 3 children 7, 5 &1 yr old so the better prepared i am for what happens next will help me to make it easier for them.

can anyone offer their experiences please?

shari

x

Hi Shari,

I'm so very sorry that you and your oh are in this situation, but you have come to the right place for advice and fantastic support. I hope you have family support at this time. I cannot comment on how your oh is going to progress as i dont have experience on his illness. But I'm sure you are going to have replies that will help you thru this. My Father has cancer  and its been like a rollercoaster ride. I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through with your oh being ill and your very  young  family to care for.

My thoughts are with you, please make the most of this site,

JoBo

Hi Shari,  so sorry to read about what you are going through.  My father had lung cancer and when he was very poorly he went to a hospice. They gave me a leaflet about death which was very informative - how the person withdraws from the world (loss of interest in tv, newspapers etc). It is so very difficult to predict when someone will die, some can be hours, days or weeks.  

With regards to your children, when my 6 & 10 yr old knew that their Grandad was very poorly and the medicines he was being given werent helping, the 6yr old said for me to tell the drs to give grandad calpol or neurofen, because that always works for him !   I told him I would suggest that. I then told him a few days later that they had tried it, and that didnt seem to work either !  I also borrowed a book from my health visitor which was very informative as it explained how to prepare children for the death of a loved one.

I also asked my children to draw pictures for grandad, so that when he was awake (he slept 22-23 hrs a day towards the end) and we were not with him, he could look at the lovely pictures that they had done and it made him smile, cheered him up and made him feel a little better.

Also, when he passed, we put the pictures in with him and the children took some comfort in this.

The only other thing I would suggest is that you have childcare pre-planned for all the children, so that if you need to just be with your husband you can, as the time you have will be very precious and you wont want to be worrying about whether your children are OK.

I also found wonderful help, advice and support from others  on here going through similar experiences.

I do wish you and your family well during the difficult times ahead.

Big hug

Debie X

Shari,

So sorry you, like many, find yourself on this site, but you will find lots of support from everyone here.

I find myself in a similar situation to you, although my children are a lot older and are aware of the situation, but it doesn't make it any easier.

If you look under the Cancer Information section, you may find some of the answers you are looking for.

With regards to your husband's weakness in his legs, is he on steroids? I only ask as my husband is on a maintainence dose of dexamethasone which seems to help a little in his mobility, although he is now finding it  a struggle to sit himself up in bed and we are now talking about getting in a hospital bed & moving him downstairs.

I hope that you are able to get all the help & support that you need at this time.

Thinking of you & your family.

love

Debbie

x

i think...with everyones case being different..and what may happen to one might not happen to another.....you need to sit down with your hubbys specialist and have a good open talk about everything...hubby should have a macmillan nurse and the mac nurse will sit and talk to you and give you lots of help, they can even see your hubbys specialists and find out anything you need to know...

sometimes things can work out better then you think...

go to the unit / hospital were your hubby gets his treatment...the nurses etc will help you...im sure they will....honest theyv got to answer your questions...threaten to report anyone who wont ...

all the best to your hubby , you and the family...

Dear Shari,

MY husband died of lung cancer 5 months ago ,he had been in hospital and I was asked where I wanted him to die ,which was at home they put in place the pallative team which were so caring and came as soon as I needed them,,Ian was not in much pain  more discomfort ,At the end he was sedated but awake enough to know our children were there ,his last words were that he loved me.The one thing you must do is when help is offererd take it ,I thought I was wonder woman and wanted to do everything but in the end I needed help ,just the everyday things so I could sit with Ian.Our 3 granchilren were also in the house playing they were told to be quiet ,but I told them that they were ok as there grandad loved them so much and noise was alright,they just excepted his passing they are5,4,and 2

As bad as it was ,he went very peacefully for which I will always be grateful,I think the fear of the unknow is the hard part

You must ask your mac nurse for info I was on the phone with ours everytime I was worried about something or needed help she was great .she was a great go between us and the doctrors and explained everything .dont be affraid to ask questions I would write them down so I would remember what I wanted to ask.

I hope my ramblings will be of some help ,when I say I know how you are feeling I do its hell I wont tell you to be strong we always are .

Just keep reading and posting there are some great people here will give you some good advice

Love and hugs

Sharon

xxxxxx

thank you all for your kind replies and support.

Things are still plodding along with little change, other than stronger painkillers for my oh and a wheelchair, which he is refusing to use, Well, would you want to at 31?! I keep trying to convince him that its a good thing and we can take the boys to the park etc, together but hes having none of it. i do understand how hard it is for him, afterall in feburary he was still cycling 40 miles a couple of times a wk, and now he collapses on the kitchen floor if his legs give way, but if he would only admit what was happening to him and accept help, maybe we could enjoy quailty time together rather than just having him fall asleep in front of the tv all day every day. .