My dad has been told that he has small cell lung cancer and to be perfectly honest my world has collapsed and I am completly lost.
I have searched the web and wish I had found this site first after reading some of your advise to others I agree that I should not have looked for information, my head is now awash with conflicting advise.
My mother has already lost her farther to cancer and my farther his mother to cancer, although many years ago and treatments have progressed I do not know how to pick them up? The one consistent message I have read while trawling the net is that a positive attitude has an essential part.
My farther who is 60 years young and up to May this year worked as a builder. The fact that he can no longer do tasks he previously could is getting him down. He is trying to be positive (on the surface) but when I look into his eyes I know deep down he is not and this is crushing me.
My sister looks to me as the strong one as does my mother but at this point I feel that I am letting them all down.
The doctors and consultants have been slow in coming forward, they say that treatment needs to be fast but due to a shortage in the admin department appointments and letters are going out late all very well but this is getting my father down even more.
Sorry to babble but this has been my first oportunity to get things of my chest.

Paul

Firstly want to say how sorry I am to hear about what has happened. We all understand on here how the earth has suddenly vanished from beneath your family. Yes, it is good to remain "positive" as you say, and sometimes that can mean stubborn and sometimes it can be realy optimistic. However be aware that most of us do have our moments of feeling downhearted and scared - it is only natural, so don't feel that you have to turn into some superhero overnight. It is very hard when you are deemed to be the strong one as it puts a lot of extra pressure on you. I'm glad you have come on here, as at least here you can have a bit of letting off steam if you ever feel unable to keep the mask in place!

It must be dreadful for your Dad after being so active. Yes, it is a terrible feeling not to suddenly be able to do the things that you thought made you who you are. Does he have other interests that can compensate? I have to say I watched an incredible number of comedy DVDs during my treatment!

The hospital delaying things because of clerical backlog sounds a bit worrying. Please make sure that you double-check everything, as it is in situations like this that mistakes can be made. I don't want to alarm you, just warn you that the NHS are not perfect and I had several mistakes made in similar circumstances. Keep ringing them if the letters are not forthcoming, especially as they have said that it is ideal for treatment to start asap. If they start giving you statistics, ignore them!

Finally I just want to wish you, your dad and your family the very best of luck with the treatment. Please keep us posted as to developments, and also how you are coping. Has your Dad been assigned a Cancer MacMillan nurse yet? If not, ask at the hospital for one, as you will also be able to see the CM nurse: they are for all the family and it will help if you are feeling that you are under pressure. With very very best wishes xxx Penny

Penny, thank you for your reply and kind words. My Dad does have an interest in computer games but he is finding it very difficult to concentrate for to long.

Thank you again it is most comforting to know there are people I can talk to

Paul

Sorry to hear about your dad honey, how's your mum coping? My mum has cancer so I understand where you are coming from. I'm absolutely amazed that your hospital can't send letters because of staffing issues, what a joke! Actually as an NHS manager I'm totally flabbergasted! What hospital is he under Paul?

Lots of hugs and keep your chin up honey xxxxxxx

I am really sorry to read about your mum, my mum is very worried what the future holds and is having more lows than good days.
My Dad is under Pererborough District although he has been having tests at Papworth. Its not the first time we have had problems with Peterborough. During a jorney home from Papworth following a bronchoscopy my Dad went into shock (for want of a better word and a lack of understanding) he said he was cold but did not seem to have a temperature. Due to only being 2 miles from home I continued and called Papworth.
After speaking to the staff at Papworth (who I have found to be very good) they advised me to take his temperature and to take him to A&E if it was high. The temperature was slightly up but my Dad wanted to rest so we did not go and I stayed with him to ensure that there was no change. However several hours latter Papwoth phoned us to say that they had spoken to a particular doctor at Peterborough and to get him there asp where a doctor was waiting to administer an injection and to monitor his condition.
On arrival the staff new nothing about the conversation, I gave them the discharge letter from Papworrth which was lost by the staff latter that evening. We then waited from 6pm until after 1:30pm before he was seen (other than to have his pressure etc taken), the excuse given was that there were 3 doctors on duty for 150 patients.
At this time my dad did not know why he was there (nor did the staff)and to this day we are still not sure (unless my Dad has kept that to him self).
They kept him in overnight and for the next day and a half. During this time I contacted Papworth explained the story and a consultant at Papworth advised me to contact the ward he was on and the team he was under and gave me details for them to contact him but they did not as they wanted to wait until my Dads Peterborough consultant returned to work the next day.
I am sorry if this seems a little jumbled but I am getting angry just writting this.
I do not want to worry anyone reading this as I have always found Peterborough District H good in the past.
As a family we are frigtend and worried and situations like this just make things worse.
We now have another appointment mid week this week which I really hope will tell us when treatment will start.
I must appologise I have blabed on for long enough without even asking you how you are coping?

Paul

My dad was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year. My mum relies on me a lot. She visibly gets upset and I know what it's like to feel though you can't because you have to be strong. What I tend to do is help her through the worse and then deal with how I feel alone. If you want to cry then cry, if you want to shout then shout. I have realised that as the main person who carries the 'burden' of supporting mum that I can only do that if I'm strong. But you also have to realise you can't, and won't always be as strong as people want you to be. And when your feeling weak and need support there is nothing wrong with that. When you need it ask for it. If your family are as close as mine then you should be able to rely on one another for comfort and support. Yes it's good to be strong but allow yourself times when you are not. You have a right to dealw ith the illness in a way that is right for you.

There are in fact quote a few of on here with "miscarriages of justice" as it were. My first hospital misdiagnosed me by 2 stages (ie I was actually stage 4), passed me to another one, who instead of looking at the scans themselves, accepted the Stage 2, and treated me with chemo/radio. It wasn't until a chance remark at the end of a debilitating chemo regime that the mistake was discovered. Even so, they did not confirm this, and left me thinking for a month that it was an unrelated condition. I was greeted on next scheduled appointment with "We made a mistake. It's not stage 2, it's stage 4". I got no "Unfortunately" or apology. Thus I am not at all surprised at what happened at Peterborough. I just hope that they will pull their socks up - if not, keep asking for Second Opinion from Papworth - why should we put up with negligent service when good service is available? Good luck and keep the pressue on those eejits at Peterborough. xxx Penny

Well I never! what an utter mess and no it doesn't help when your so worried about Dad. My mum is under the hospital where I work but came across a very rude clinic clerk, I was all set to make a complaint but Dad said no, it might affect mums treatment! and surprisingly a lot of people have that belief but it doesn't work like that. I would advise anyone to keep a hospital diary of everything, time's dates etc. Once you know what the game plan is for dad and things calm down so to speak write it all in a lovely letter to the chief exec, hospitals don't know they have a problem unless patient's/carers/family complain! and trust me if anything your dad will get better care/treatment because they will be looking out for him because of the complaint. (rant over!)

I'm not too bad, mum starts tablet Chemo and bone cancer drug trials next week (I think!) so will know more then, they still haven't given a time limit and probably won't until the chemo etc has finished. I did my why me/why mum/life's unfair/life's a bitch when she was first diagnosed and stumbled across this site, which has been a sanity saver to be honest. Such lovely caring, warm spirited people on here who know exactly how you are feeling and know what to say when your feeling blue. Like one big extended family and I love them all dearly. So Paul, when your feeling like crap, just want to chat or have a rant this is the place to come. Keep your chin up honey and let us know how dad gets on, lots of hugs xxxxx