Struggling coming to terms..

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Struggling coming to terms..

No. of entries: 13 | Posted on 13 Apr 2008 09:07

Struggling coming to terms..

  • My beloved wife has terminal secondary liver cancer and the hospital has told me it could be very quick ending, i am at my wits end here with emotions, I am strong on the outside when i with her but go to pieces when sitting alone like now, she had breast cancer 5 yrs ago and we thought all was going to be fine. She came home from work (nursing) 3 weeks ago complaining of a sore stomach. she had a blood test and it showed up liver abnormalities, then a ultra sound scan showed lesions on the liver. Last week she went in to get some fluid removed from her stomach, they removed 7 litres and kept her in for 8 days. Before they let her home the consultant spoke to us and basically said go home and be comfortable..... She is now on morphine, cannot walk more than 5 steps, very yellow and i basically watching her die in front of my eyes and i finding it very very difficult. She told me tonight she has no fight left in her and that has destroyed me. I am sorry if this does not make sense but i had to write something to try and relieve myself of some emotions.
  • My dear BillP2
    Im so sorry. My heart just burst when I read your story. I know I cant take away your pain and distress - or that of your lovely wife, but all of us that use this site wish we could, and Im sure you will find many people on this site who can be of emotional support for you, as they have been, or are in similar circumstances.
    I am praying for you and your wife.
    Luv
    Christine.
  • billp2



    My heart goes out to you and your wife. I am so very sorry
    Your emotions are understandably all over the place. I know when we found out about my husband you just feel complete devistation and complete shock. I cryed on my own but didnt let him see me either
    Im sad to say I understand how you feel I wish I could ease some of your pain
    Bless you both
    Were all here for you
    Debsx

  • Billp2

    So sorry for what you're going through,

    After 5 years its a terrible shock, but breast cancer it a perverse disease, it can suddenly reappear after years.

    My thoughts are with you both

    Lorna





  • hi billp2 i am so sorry to hear your tragic news and im thinking of you and your wife.my mam had breast cancer 6 years ago she got through it after having the breast off,chemo and radiotherapy she is ok at the mo but my dad has just been diagnosed with uncurable oesophagul cancer me and my mam are devistated and so is my dad,we want to cry but dont when my dads around we dont want to upset him to much.everybody on this site is suffering and wa all try and comfat one another if we can i hope you find it supports you at this very sad time,take care of yourself and your lovley wife and god bless you both.luv diane
  • You are making perfect sense Bill and I am thinking of you and your wonderful wife. I do think it is very difficult for the relatives and I also wonder how the patient is feeling,. You can tell that you love your wife very much. Do you have family and friends around you to bring you comfort and support?

    I think that the grieving process starts the day that you are told of a persons illness and some days or tougher than others. I found it very sad when your wife said she had no fight left in her and I dont know what to say to that as it must have been really upsetting for you. I suppose there must come a time when the patient has just completely had enough, I remember my dad saying in hospital "I wish they would just leave me alone now", he had just had enough of x-rays, scans, surgery, appointments, chemo, radiotherapy, sickness, etc, etc it was very upsetting. Feel free to say anything on here as there are some amazing people on this forum who can help either from experience or because they are suffering themselves so share your emotions on here.

    Thinking of you with love Suzanne xx
  • Dear billp2,

    I know it may not mean a lot at the moment but I'm so sorry to hear about your wife.
    My heart goes out to you. I had to force back to tears when i read your post. I know how your feeling and what your going through. I watched my little sister at 18 yrs old fight against cancer for a year. She became unable to walk or even use her arms and hands. Even though she didn't say it i knew she had given up fighting. It's so hard to see the one's you love like this. Try to be strong and positive in front of her and if you need to cry, try not to show her. Tell her how much you love her. I told my sister every day but never had a heart to heart with her and that something i really regret.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you
    Nicole x

  • Hi Bill I am so sorry to here what you and your wife are going through. I can understand how you must have felt when she said she has no more fight left in her, bless her. My husband told the doctor's and myself last Wednesday that he had had enough and did not want any more intervention, and would like to go into a hospice. To say I was in total shock is an understatement, cant really discribe how I felt. He is now in the hospice, but at one point it was doubtful if he could be moved as he was so very ill, I am just so pleased he got to where he wanted to be, and is getting the care he needs. Yes I am in pieces but I am learning to deal with it, he is comfortable and that is all I can ask for. I wish you both all the very best and hope your wife also gets what ever help she needs.
    God bless Rosemary
  • dear bill, so sorry to hear your news, lost my mum three years ago to this god awful deisese, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your dear wife, god bless you, love karen.
  • I wish to thank everyone for their kind words and support, I am glad i have found this forum it is doing me the world of good because until last night i thought i was alone in this. It saddens me that there is so many people in the same boat and i am sure we can all support one another. again thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

    Bill
  • My wife is rapidly going downhill, this morning she is very very weak and she can hardly move. I am desperatly trying to get her to take some food but all she wants is cold water and oranges.
    I am really struggling here to keep it under control, i know i have to for her sake but i finding it very difficult.
  • Hi Bill, its so difficult to watch the person you love just fading away, the emotions are too numerable to mention, all i can say is try not to force your wife to eat or drink, just go with what she wants, thats wat the Mac nurse has told us to do. My thoughts are with you and if you need to talk please feel free to do so, i know how much this site is helping me, just to be able to write things down and know people are reading it is a help. stay strong but don't be afraid to shout if you need to.
    hugs and best wishes, Mandy.
  • Hi Bill

    I am sorry to hear that your wife is not too well today. Will she talk openly to you about things? Although you are remaining strong for her, you are also suffering and it may help if you both talk about things. It is very well saying this as my own father, who passed away on 21st September 2005, would not open up and we did not know what he was thinking or feeling as he just changed the subject.

    My friends husband thought my friend was scared of passing over and it was in his head all the time, he sat by her bedside one day and they talked openly about everything, she was not afraid and she just said that she was going to go somewhere better and she would wait for him. My friends husband now says that he has great comfort knowing all the things she talked about, he is happy that she was not afraid and he wont tell us all what was said that day, but he said it was wonderful and said he was very happy that they had their talk. He said that he was afraid of asking her questions in case she got upset and my friend was upset of asking questions in case she upset him.

    I am thinking about you and your wife XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    PS I bet you have a house full of oranges now !!!!!! - when my dad felt like something, he suddenly had bags full of whatever it was and it is funny he wanted fresh orange juice all the time. The fridge was always full of fresh orange, he also had a liking to suck on Wethers Original and he ended up with bags and bags of them (eventually went off them). Just wanted to raise a smile with my little add on there. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX