hi everyone ive read so many stories on here my heart goes out to each and every person, i was diagnosed with neuroenderine tumour in my liver in 2008 and i went through surgery and a yr and a half later i was told it was all clear my partner was amazing even though i did try pushing him away and to start a new life but there was the four children to think of tryed to get back to normallity, and now in 2012 in june i went to the docs feeling unwell and worried because i was passing blood in my urine i had lots of blood test done and had a smear test , which did come back clear then two days after i had been docs i got a fone call saying there was high levels of hormones in my blood and then they said the word we have refered you back to the CANCER doc ,i was gob smacked, my partner knew that it wasnt good news now i am going to christies hospital to see what is going on if this is CANCER again i dont want my kids even though they are a bit older and my partner not so good himself i dont want them to go through this i sound silly i know but it breaks my heart to see them crying and running around after me, i know families are there fo the support but no one is giving them any help , i carnt help the way i feel i love them all so much (DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL THIS WAY ) or even think i am wrong for saying this , i have always had( POSSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE )and will always thanks for taking the time to read this i want to share my experience

god bless X DEBBIE X

Hi Deb, I know exactly what you mean... my biggest fear is for my family, I dont feel like im the only one with cancer, but they 'have it too' ... i dont want them to be hurting, what mother or wife would?

yet i know they are... and it breaks my heart too.... x x its hard trying to be honest and open with them, let them know how your feeling etc, share your fears, without the instinctive need to protect them kicking in My children are grown, adults really of 25, 23 and 20...but they are my babies, always will be...so its very hard when you know the thing that has turned their life upside down is yourself, (my cancer is inoperable and uncurable) Dont worry that its wrong to feel the way you do, id say its pretty normal to care about others the way you are..... im still pretty positive on the whole, as they are... I hope your fears are washed away, and they find nothing major... you seem to be a very caring and unselfish lady and i wish you all the luck in the world. Stay strong flower. J x

OF course you are not alone in feeling like that. I can't imagine anyone wanting to put their family through it. However, they are your family and imagine if it were the other way round. If one of them got cancer, you would be so hurt if they didn't tell you, wouldn't you? and you would want to care for them because you love them.

They will feel the same. It doesn't have to be all tears and running around either. If you have a positive attitude then you can pass this on to them. Tell them, but be positive about it and tell them you don't want to put them through it and you want to be as normal as possible ...

I had a good chat with my son and partner. Of course they were worried, but we did it together with humour and positivity. IMy son has said it has been a positive experience for him. It has made him stronger, as did my partner. It doesn't have to be all bad. There can be positives too. You will be giving your children courage for the future and in life things happen that are not always good and if your kids can see something bad happen and you deal with it in a positive manner, then you are teaching them a valuable lesson.

My mum had cancer when I was young. I think she gave me a gift. One of courage and a good outlook and the ability to laugh even when things look bad. I am so grateful now that i got that lesson. It has helped me in my life hugely.

So, of course non of us want to put them through it and of course you are not wrong for saying it. We would all say the same, and all our families would say the opposite!

Good luck with the tests

Little My

hi Deb

I am so sorry to read  about what has happened to you. May I offer a perspective from a carer's point of view?

You did not ask for this horrible illness - why would you have done? The situation is what it is. And your loved ones love you, you know. They want to be with you. I'm guessing they wouldn't be anywhere else. It is hard for them but it is very hard for you. The only way to deal with everything is to work together. Your family and friends will find strength, believe me, from who knows where. But just as you love them, recognise that they care very much about you and want to stand by you.

I know my husband did not want me to suffer, but I tell you, I would go through everything all over again and again and again because I loved him and I love him still. And my children feel the same.

What you feel is what you feel. Noone can tell you it's wrong. But please believe that your family are there for you because they want to be. Allow them that. And work together, talk together and share together. 

Good luck. 

Huge hug,

Little Jen X

First, let me say I am so sorry for what you are going through. Cancer is never an easy battle and the worry of it coming back can be overwhelming.  

I do remember me having blood in my urine about 6 months or so after my radiation treatments. I knew it was bladder cancer. I mean, why else would I have blood in my urine?  

Mine ended up being cystitis.  That's not what I am saying you have, I am just trying to say that the worry will never stop and there is nothing wrong with you being worried like you are. You have that right and you would be not normal if you didn't worry yourself.

Be assured that your family loves you and evidently is going to be by your side through thick and thin. Don't shut them out, but do know, that all your emotions and feelings are perfectly normal. 

In my story, I actually wrote on the page "coping with cancer" how there is not a right way or wrong way to feel. No one can tell you how you should or shouldn't feel.  People can just give you support and be there for you.  I prayed like crazy and God somehow gave me the strength to get through one of the toughest times of my life. I have been cancer free for 18 years now of stage IIB cancer. Pray every night Debbie and let God guide you, he will show you the way.  As the poem goes---

"where were you when I needed you most? Your footprints were not there.."

Jesus replied:  "that's when I was carrying you."  I love that and I think about that every time I feel as if I'm alone in my battles.