Hi All

Wondered if there were any other Gay/Lesbian patients, partners, carers, relatives, friends etc on this site.

Have you found it harder/easier being Gay/Lesbian with your diagnosis.

Have you been forced to "come out" with your sexuality because of your illness.

Have you lost/gained friends through your illness?

Has it brought you and a partner closer together or further apart?

Have you come accross any isolation or discrimination with treatment, or other patients?

I would love to hear all stories.

thanks

Hello there!

My wife has a Grade II brain tumour and has recently had radiotherapy. I have had nothing but support here and the only time the 'gay' thing was mentioned was when someone commented that I was a great man, caring for my wife. So I made a correction but then again, with a name like "Dutchcloggie", it doesn't show if I am male or female (I had no picture with my profile yet back then) so it was a logical mistake to make.

I have to 'come out' every time we see a new doctor who obviously asks what my relation to the patient is when we go for the first visit. But nobody has ever even batted an eyelid. Not the oncologist, not the radiotherapy nurses, not the neurosurgeon, not the people on the ward, not the GP, not the other patients in the waiting room of the radio therapy suite.

Perhaps that is because I never 'come out' as such. Everybody talks about their partners and so do I. I don't make a point of saying it is a woman. I just say 'My Wife' or I just talk about my partner and use the word 'she'. If I don't make a point of it, neither does anyone else.

But maybe we are lucky like that. Obviously being officially 'civilly partnered' makes the whole point of legal issues and 'access rights' moot as I am officially the next of kin and so on....

As for bringing us closer together or gaining/losing friends, I am not sure that has anything to do with my sexuality. But perhaps if you are isolated and your partner and closest friends are the only ones who know you are gay, then maybe it will bring you closer together or you are forced to come out to other people who might not like it....but I have never experienced that.

As you have not put your name or picture or sex on you profile, I assume you prefer to remain anonymous. PM me if you want to talk aboutu it a bit more openly in private?

Marieke

Hi ya I'm gay with CML.

hi im gay with Non-hodgkins lymphoma. not really out to many people but haven't encountered any problems either

Hello,

Well, in my concern I didn't notice any discrimination in my hospital, council or social services (maybe because I live in London), but for sure isolation in the community is high, because most of gays or lesbians people don't want to "know" and want to live an hedonism live, with drugs, alcohol, clubs, pubs...like you can see on those rubish magazines available on Gay Bars or internet .... Every men or women should be perfect, and when you see those pictures, is pathetic to see men and women drunk, all showing their bodies in their 50 and try to ignore that one day our body will change...and they want to ignore, for most of them, the simplicity of the life...Seeing those picture tells you that you can't get from them any help...and about young generation, well is very hard when someone call you Daddy....

Of course, not all people are like this, but in London, is obvious....even in the hospital when silence is more common than friendship....

Also, there are a lot of family in this website, and is not easy to share some experiences or maybe some part of our lives, like sexuality or relationship, when for example they ask you if you are married, got children and so on.....

Even if UK got a civil partnership, there are a lot of taboo being Gay, Lesbian or Transexual in this country, and is most difficult when someone lives in the country side.

In France, sexual style is a private matter, and in my culture, is only a personal matter, like race and religion. After all, we are all human being. Cancer don't make difference between straights, lesbians, gays and other sexualities. We all suffer from this dreadfull desease and, all we want the same goal, to be cured. .

But maybe help from other people like us could be a "plus", I really don't know, because I tried and gave up.

As far I'm concerned, I did never find any group to help people like us, except if you're HIV, but this is another story. And maybe that's why I don't have any real friends in this country since I came 5 years ago, and I lost few of them when I told them I have cancer....fortunately, I have my friends in France and my family too.

And is worst when you have a colon cancer in remission, but still a stoma bag, waiting for surgery..."la cata" like we say in France....again, a perfect body is only the option for a lot of people...

Well, I'm talking about me, but maybe I'm wrong.

David

Well wont duplicate my profile too much, but I am 31, Female with a CP wife of 3 yrs.
In remissio, if thats what you can call it, as it never goes away, from Liposarcoma in right thigh.

Great replies from everyone, i just wanted to see if anyone had any complications relating to their sexuality with the diagnosis, as many people on the site are from all over the world where sexuality isnt as accepted as some places. It doesnt have to be a bad thing either, I found the nurses were more accepting of my sexuality because of the way i was open and proud. But some heterosexual people sometimes overlook that gay people can, and do have an added pressure f their sexuality when it comes to health, and next of kin issues still. Even now, a trip to the dentist when asked could i be pregnant, i say no, they ask am i sure, and when i say im a lesbian they look at me as if to say oh ok. but reality has shaped into a scenario that lesbians these days can still be pregnant!!

keep the replies coming, and add me as a buddy, thanks dave, or pvt msg me

x
krest

Sorry, I did not look at your profile at all. Naughty me! I always forget to click on people's name to check their profile!! My bad.

See, even when asked "Is there any chance you might be pregnant" does not mean I have to reveal my sexuality to anyone. They ask straight women he same question and they give the same answer: No. There is no chance I could be pregnant.

Now I went for a smear test recently (Yes, the Jade Goody-effect) and the nurse told me off for not having one before. I then said that I do not sleep with men and that I never had done so in my life and she agreed that that does indeed mean my risk was reduced, as she said it, to very very low.

I don't hide my sexuality at all but I do not talk about it unless it is relevant. Which I have found, especially in health care, it rarely is. And that is a good thing.

Mind you, when my wife registered at her GP years ago, the nurse asked her if she had sex with men. When JD answered No, she wrote on the form that JD was not sexually active! We wrote a letter of complaint and got an apology from the doctor and the nurse who said she merely meant that JD was not sexually active with men and therefore not at high risk for Cervical cancer and that the note on the form would have been expanded upon when she put the information on the computer system.

With JD's hair now almost gone after her radiotherapy and the remaining hair cut really short, she looks more like a lesbian than ever before though :-)

really interesting to hear from all of you posting to this thread. I wondered if there was any gay/lesbian people caring for their partners. I am - and I could really use some help at times.