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Dad has widespread pancreatic,bowel,liver etc cancer.

No. of entries: 25 | Posted on 7 Feb 2013 1:35 PM

Dad has widespread pancreatic,bowel,liver etc cancer.

  • Hi I'm new here and I'm just sort of hoping that talking will help,talking to people in the same boat as me. He was diagnosed end of October 2012 and for me now it seems as time is passing by too fast he is losing wait and starting now too struggle with walking,I know I can't stop this happening but lately I've over indulged with drinking in an attempt to block it out but this as we all know doesn't help,I'm scared to lose my dad and scared of life when he's gone
  • Oh Mark

    really sorry to hear that. :-(

    Don't dwell on the over drinking, I have done it as well.  Have you stopped now?

    People keep telling me to enjoy what time I do have left with my Dad, I know that is hard, but I think people are right.

    We can do our grieving when they are gone, so it's best to make the most of the time we have left with them.

    Do you have anyone else around you?


  • Yeah my wife ,but worst part is I'm tending to take it out on her verbally,for some reason I just can't get my head around it,I've slowed the drink down a little. Sometimes I'm so tired but my head feels so busy and I struggle to sleep,so I thought the drink would help me sleep,but then the problem is still there the day after,it's like a vicious circle.
  • It sounds to me like you need to see your own GP, perhaps to get some therapy or medication.

    Are you your Dads main carer?  

    I am my Dads, my Mum died last year and my Sister a few years back, and I am single.  I'd be nowhere without medication I am sad to say.

    It's a case of whatever gets us through this stage I think.


  • Sorry to hear about your mum and sister,he has got community nurse and McMillan nurse and I'm helping a lot as he has just spent 3 out of the last 5 weeks in hospital and he lives an hour away so I will soon be moving in until the inevitable becomes reality,it's a struggle to balance the family here and the effect it's having on my marriage,but he's my dad and I told him when we found out I'd be there till he end( which his initial reaction was no you've got a family! You need to be with them) but he's ok about it now. I've been doctors as I'm now on sick leave from work as of last week,was going to talk to the doctor but haven't as my friend pointed me to this web site and I thought I'd give it ago first.
  • Do you get bad dreams? I keep dreaming about him dead and the funeral etc etc,is that normal ? Some days I can feel good then I have 3/4 day periods where I'm so low and depressed
  • My heart goes out to you, having lost my mum to this type of cancer, it took over so quickly, one minute she was fine, not a care in the world, then a huge abdominal pain, then 5 weeks later we lost her! She was young for her age, fit and healthy and we felt like we had been hit by a bus and run over with a steamroller!!! 

    Go and stay with your dad, don't give work a second thought.  "Enjoy what time you have" is incredibly hard but just spend as much time as you can and be there for him.


    Keep posting / reading, there is a lot of support in here


  • I am glad that you have some time off work - this should give you some space to think.

    It's best you don't dwell on things, maybe find something to do.

    Yes, I have bad dreams... well, more bad day dreams for me I think.  I suspect its normal, the brain dealing with things.

    Did the Dr not consider anti depressants ?

  • Just feel low today not even fancied a beer don't really feel like doing anything,wish I could motivate myself. Got people around me but feel so alone it's strange.
  • Thank you,my dad is in more pain day by day and his bowel movement has stopped yet again which causes him more pain,he is increasingly more and more tired,he is only 55 and I am sorry to hear about your loss,I know this is happening but I don't want it to I just want to wake up from what feels like a nightmare
  • No doctor just told me to contact her if I needed anything,so maybe I will. Why is life so cruel? I find myself questioning so much these days.
  • Oh Mark, I so know this feeling!  Its a foggy nightmare at the best of times, sending you a hug xx

  • Thank you it's good to know that on here people understand fully what I say,that helps.
  • Mark 1234 - dont beat yourself up about drinking - it doesnt help its true - but its an understandable coping mechanism - i tried it when my hubbie was first diagnosed - just made me feel cr@ppier. you are stronger than you know because you have no choice but to be.This site does help if you want to get things off your chest- I felt hesitant initially about expressing some of my thoughts but there is no judgement on here just support.  wishing you well 

  • The dark days for me seem to get more frequent and I understand they will but I've never found it so hard to get through a day,and yes I agree the drink makes me feel a lot worse,yet I still turn to it sometimes,I feel I'm searching for answers on how to cope but the answers don't exist. It makes me feel quite pathetic sometimes because my dad always seems strong about it and even if he's not he still finds the strength to make it look like he is just to ease my pain,when in reality he is the one with an indescribable deathly pain. Even after lengthy chats with my dad about his 'death sentence' I cannot begin to imagine how he feels about facing death,funny thing is I don't hate the cancer (yet) don't know why?. I'm unsure as to whether knowing someone's dying and watching it,yet having a chance to say all you need to is better than if my dad had been just knocked down by a bus??? Again I don't have the answers. All I know is that for now the dark cloud on mine and my dads life is still there and there's no sign of it leaving.