So Lonely even in company

Bereaved spouses and partners

For widows, widowers and anyone who has lost a husband, wife, partner or civil partner to cancer.

So Lonely even in company

No. of entries: 8 | Posted on 11 Sep 2013 08:02
  • My sis is here for a few days Im hardly speaking. I am so damn lonely what is wrong with me, i have company but the tears are only under the surface. Some day soon everyone will go back to their unchanged lives whereas mine is changed beyond recognition.

    Im angry that hes left me angry that he couldnt stay yet wouldnt wish him back going through the pain of the final few weeks. I cant cook i cant fix things that go wrong he did all of this for me. Im 50 years old and honestly have no idea how to fend for myself. I dont eat unless its something my sis makes or take away. I want the freezer to be filled with his home made goodies.

    Im falling apart and unravelling tonight

    Heartbroken doesnt come close

  • Dear Kat sending you a big hug, and how I understand your anger, I still rant at George for leaving me and desperately miss him, but like you wouldn't want him back in the pain he was in the last few months. I feel so lonely and understand feeling that way even with people around me. George used to be the cook in our house too, I just live on ready meals of jacket potatoes now, really miss his cooking. Maybe when we feel better we should take a cookery course, or try and follow some recipes etc.? I think our husbands would want us to look after ourselves the way we looked after them. Thinking of you x
  • Kat lady I was the same as you I hardly spoke for months , my daughter would call and ask " mum are you talking today and I would say no " but I did text my good friends and slowly began to talk. You need to take a task a day that's all you can manage at this time mine was a bath I have to have a bath , I may have survived on a piece of toast with peanut butter on it for weeks on end , it's really a bit of a blur all you can do is what you can manage if people ask to help let them bring you food and if you can't face people tell them to leave it by the door ,, it's your grief and your rules. Take care I'm the same age as you and went through the exact same thing I feel your pain xx Niamh x
    Niamh
  • This is so hard tonight the pain is washing over me in what i can only describe as waves. 4 weeks ago today we were planning his discharge from the hospice, planning his break with the boys and our holiday. 2 days later he's gone 

    I cant make sense of this tonight

    Heartbroken doesnt come close

  • Dear Kat

    I so understand, in the early days I didn't talk much and certainly did not want to eat. Kim was a chef and did all our cooking. Take care of yourself, I hear M&S do frozen meals which might be enough to get by.

    People do go back to their lives, it has happened to all of us. Do you have anyone to talk to? Counceling can be quite theraputic, just getting it all out to someone who understands. 

    Kim refused to get angry about his cancer, he said it was no ones fault, just bad luck. He was very upset about it but he was more sad than angry. We have our eldest son's 21st this weekend, Kim would have loved it but he never got to see any 21st's, never got to see any grandchildren or any weddings. All things that made him very sad, there were many tears before he died.

    You need time, take any help you can get and most of all, look after yourself. Make sure you eat, sleep - it will get easier but it takes time. I'm only sorry there is no magic answer.

    Christine X

    Christine in Oz

  • Sorry Kat your feel down tonight ,I know how you feel I could be with a thousand people and would be so lonely ,I look at pictures of my husband russ and it seems years have gone by since I last saw him and it was three weeks ago.

    This family wedding I am going to on Saturday should be fun I will be like you and not want to talk to much and if they mention russ in the speech they will finish me off .I think I will go back to one day at time which I keep being told to do.

    I hope me rambling on makes. You  feel a little better,will let you know what happens Saturday,hoping

    Your day tommorrow is a little bit easier

    Helen x

  • Kat I understand your anger so well I went through weeks of being like that, I would break things to try and make myself feel better as well as shout and scream at Mike for going off and leaving me on my own. There is no right or wrong way to behave you just have to go with the flow and hope that you will ride it out. Strength for us all to cope with what life throws our way today. Need someone to talk to right now. Sally x


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  • It has to be this way Kat as grief is a healing process and can't be rushed or shortcut... I have perhaps done a dear friend no favours by perhaps unwittingly shortcutting her grief, and while fine when I have the time to be in contact with her, she regresses when I am unavailable... I am not taking any credit at all for helping her, rather stating a fact that perhaps I have not. All you can do at the moment is to survive... do whatever it takes to do that, and if that is not communicating at the moment then that is how it must be... it seems selfish, but you need to be selfish at the moment for all that matters is your well being and survival. Not of great help to you in your present state perhaps, but I had played at Eirwen's funeral the dark waltz by Hayley Westernra as it states "We are the lucky ones"... for me and Ei were ever so lucky to find each other and marry, even for nine short but happy years, when her life expectancy was only for two years when we met... a tragic love story at this later time of our lifetimes, after both losing spouses a year and a half earlier.... for she proclaimed to me that she had fallen properly in love for the first time in her life on her death bed.... truly tragic. I promise you Kat that it will become easier... I was where you are as have all of your fellow MacWarriors, and some of us are now at last starting to look ahead and live again having come to terms with our terrible loss... it will become easier very slowly and must not be rushed, for as I have said before on here, the healing has already started, what you feel now is part of it. Love and hugs to you and to all MacWarriors... and of course a cutch for someone special... :) XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    " MACWARRIORS " attributed to LittleJen early 2013 ... (and borrowed by me ever since). " To take your loved ones forward into your new life safe in your hearts forever " .. (attributed to me early 2013)

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