Holidays

Bereaved spouses and partners

For widows, widowers and anyone who has lost a husband, wife, partner or civil partner to cancer.

Holidays

No. of entries: 8 | Posted on 29 Aug 2013 02:55
  • Hello all, I don't post all that often but read your posts a lot and get a lot of comfort from them. It is nearly 9 weeks since my Steve died and I thought I was doing relatively ok. I have been off with my 2 kids over the summer holiday and kept really busy seeing family and friends but am currently in Florida as have taken the kids to disney world. They are loving it but I have found it so difficult to be on holiday without Steve. I miss him so much and find much as I love spending time with my kids there is no one to help me plan,make decisions,field the kids. It feels out of control as if I can't manage. I think I have bitten off more than I can chew by coming but part of me wanted to prove it to myself and others that I can still do it . I still can't fully believe he is gone. Everyone else seems to have accepted it very easily but I feel so empty inside like something very fundamental has gone from me.i don't want to be a single parent. I want to discuss parenting stuff with him.in fact I just want him. Also battling with worries about a bungled ill health retirement application which has meant a huge difference in payout from pension life assurance. I haven't got the strength to get legal advice etc and the money really means nothing to me without him but people keep telling me its the kids future etc. feel so alone and unsure what I should do. I just want it all to stop. Sorry to just rant but life feels horrible at the moment . Hope you understand and love to you all. Kellyxxx
    Kellyx
  •  Good morning, Kelly,

    I bet the weather in Florida is somewhat different to here!  You are one brave lady - I think Steve would be immensely proud of you.  I took my lot too, but they were grown ups (except for one very excited 8 year old grandson) and it was a year later.  I felt we needed to start to create some new, happier memories and I am sure that is what you are doing for your children, even though you are finding it so hard yourself, which is totally understandable.

    I know you said that you don't feel like you are managing, but the fact is, you are!  You are there, the children are enjoying it, you are up, dressed and putting one foot in front of the other.  We all know on here that any of those things is an achievement - and you are doing them in Florida!

    As far as other people accepting the loss of Steve is concerned, I bet they don't do it  easily. Of course your grief is going to be the greatest, but people are very different in how they show things. We all understand that feeling of something fundamental being missing - I can remember looking in the mirror and being surprised that all of me was still there - I know that sounds odd. 

    On the money side - Macmillan have trained financial advisors who are excellent - they are free and you can access them here: 

    http://www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/FinancialSupport/BenefitsAdvisers/MacBenefitsAdvisers.aspx

    No need to be sorry for anything - you want to rant? Go right ahead!

    Hope that you will have a good day and that the Florida sun will warm your heart as well as your body. Sending a big hug.

    Sandy

  • Kelly You are extremely brave, I too went with my daughter last year, 6 weeks after my wife's death, because I promised her we would be away on her birthday. It felt strange to say the least but, we chose only to go on a short flight, just in case it was a mistake. I am glad to say it wasn't a mistake, it felt as if we were waiting for my wife to come out of the toilets at times, but it also allowed me and my daughter to bond, even more, than we already are. Try and enjoy this break, it feels good, recharge your batteries, be good to yourself, you deserve it! Big virtual hugs to you. Peter

    Peter

  • You ARE a brave lady and by the sound of it you ARE coping too. I've just made the decision to do the same as you, mike died 7 weeks ago and we go in 7 weeks. However, I hv planned to travel out with my aunt & uncle to stay in their holiday home with them. While we are out there we will be crossing 2 big milestones, daughters 11th birthday and a year since mike was diagnosed. I'm hoping I've made a good decision, but like you, you don't know until you try. I bet, if you sat people down and asked, that they've not got over your husbands passing. We all deal with grief in such different ways and I've realised that of course it'll be harder for us wives/husbands.....we lived in the same house, made ALL our decisions together. I'm trying to look at it in a different way. If I have to make a decision, even over what to have for dinner, I ask the kids ;-). Or I think about something, run it by a couple of friends or my mum, not that I need to have their opinion, it's just that extra person to say, yes, that's a good idea! Sounds child like but that's my way at the moment. It's a horrid journey that we are all on at the moment though. You enjoy the rest of your hols and plan something nice for when you get home. I think it's all about planning, being prepared, and, once the children are back at school finding some 'me' time. Like you, I don't write on here often (kids keep me too busy!!) but I do read people's experiences and I know one thing......you're not alone. Make the most of your time away, ask the children their opinion on stuff Big hugs Lynn (())
  • Thank you all for your replies, it is so good to have this outlet when things get really bad and you feel there is nowhere else to turn. Lynn,asking the kids opinion is a good idea, I do do that but often get 2 conflicting opinions! I have also always got this question in my mind am I talking to them in too adult a way? Especially my oldest who is 9 I sometimes feel I am telling him things I would have told Steve and struggle in my own mind sometimes whether it is fair on him. Anyway a new day dawns,Epcot centre today,more scary rides. I like the thought that I am creating new happier memories for them. I will hold that thought! Thank you to all of you and hope you enjoy your on holidays. Love kellyx
    Kellyx
  • Kelly you are so very brave and your post has made me stop and think about my own situation.My husband and I booked a break in Torquay and ive been debating whether i should go or not.My kids are grown up we werent taking the grandkids it was just him and me. I have had sleepness nights worrying about what to do. I read this post this morning after a night of restlessness with this amongst other things on my mind.

    If you were brave enough to ensure the kids got their holiday despite the heartache i know and can see through your post  that must be tearing through you doing new things having no one to bounce ideas off the flights ect I can find the courage and strength to travel to Torquay with no kids.

    You are doing your man proud love and I can only marvel that you found this inner courage to do this as for the rest you will find some inner reserve which will let you deal with it when you come back

    I wont say enjoy your holiday rather look on it as a time of reflection because it is from doing this when you come home that you will adapt to this new situation you find yourself in.

    Take care and thank you

    kat

    Heartbroken doesnt come close

  • Hi Kelly I too want to echo what everyone else has said, I think you are brave and doing very well, your children are having a great time, so try to relax and enjoy it too. I understand about wanting his advice, I too want George's so I just ask him anyway, I know it probably sounds strange, but I do, and then just think of what he would have said. And the emptiness I and others on this site can totally relate to. Just think he will be so proud of you and what you have achieved so far. Just try and enjoy watching the children having fun. Ally x
  • Well done Kelly you have been very strong and I love the phrase " creating happier memories". More you than me on those rides, Im usually the one looking after the bags. Well someone's got to do it, thank goodness. Sally x


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