Bereaved spouses and partners

For widows, widowers and anyone who has lost a husband, wife, partner or civil partner to cancer.

Another ......Sunday

No. of entries: 16 | Posted on 28 Apr 2013 10:39 AM

Another ......Sunday

  • it's 9 weeks today since I lost my soul mate. You probably all know that by now! I do tend to repeat myself and so apologise in advance.

    Another miserable, lonely Sunday looms long infront of me. Everyone spends the weekends with their families... I cried for an hour yesterday because my SIL was texting me and she said she had to go cos her hubby had just appeared back from doing something and he would be 'wanting a fry.' I would give everything/anything to be making Jeremy a fry...

    Woe is me. I think I will always hate Sundays. Mind you, other days arent much better.


    Sunday hugs to all my suffering friends



  • Big hug to you,  I know exactly what you mean as I am here thinking exactly the same thing.   Its been 4 months for me and here I am sitting crying, wanting to make Steve breakfast, just like you want to be making Jeremy breakfast, I like you just want him back, and knowing that is never going to happen is heartbreaking.   

    Take care Heather, I'm here holding your hand


    Helen xx

  • Please don't apologise Heather, we all count the hours/days/months... Eirwen could rattle off to the minute how long she had been with Keith, and used to if anyone asked how long they were together... ashamed to say I couldn't with Florence's time, just 34 years  and with Eirwen as each 18th passes I think "thats another month without her".

    I determined to keep busy yesterday and did for as you say the weekends are worse... but today I slept late. 0730, poor Millie had wet in the hall by the front door as used to being up early with me now, so after I had attended to that and lit the woodburner, I find cannot get into gear at all today, just sitting, make the occasional coffee or tea... no phone calls, no e-mails, no callers, even this place is quiet.

    I can't bear to listen to music or watch TV so can't immerse myself into that. I have tried but turn the TV off after 10 minutes as I just can't abide it... just the news every other day, and that usually early morning.

    Yes, Sundays are crap, can't even be bothered cooking a proper roast... something and chips I think today... soon be bedtime then Monday thank goodness. I used to hate Mondays, now I am glad to see Monday as it means Sunday is over.

    Alan X

  • Hi,

    It is 11 weeks since Russell passed away and today I looked out in the front garden and felt like sobbing my heart out, as there are weeds growing through the shingle drive, and there is no way he would have allowed it to get like  that. He would be out there, pulling them all up and getting the garden prepared.

    I haven't got the energy and feel so depressed at the thought of doing any gardening at the moment. I'm having a new patio built and have  decided to splash out on a hot tub, so i can sit in there with friends and family and put some fun times back into our lives after cancer sucked out any hope we had and ruined our lives from June 2011 to Feb 2013.

    Sundays are horrible, any day is filled with sad thoughts for me, and I am trying so hard to keep moving forward,

    Love to you all today and every day, my friends going through this nightmare experience called grief,

    Take care of yourselves,

    Julie xxx

  • Hello Everyone.

    Made the effort to take the dogs out with my friend & a coffee by the river, it's nice because she is happy for me to talk about Mark & very easy company, it's a lovely walk & all the time I think why didn't Mark & I come this way, there is no joy in anything without him.

    Now I'm home &, like you all, there is a long day stretching ahead, lunch which I won't want to eat, pop to see my Mum in law at her care home, she will ask me how Mark is because she has dementia and can't remember that he is no longer with us.

    Like you Julie I look at the garden, by now Mark would have probably have mowed the lawn and been sitting out with something cool to drink.  The thought of being without him for years to come is unbearable, I know he will be willing me to buck up but I tell him "it's not that easy" and I can't see that it ever will be.  This will sound mad but I hate the sunshine & longer evenings as he's not here to share it with me.

    My heart is with you all.

    Shirley xxx

  • It will be 3 months in 6 hours since I lost my darling husband. I have been to church today to light a candle and now the ironing looms. I still struggle with being in the house on my own and find when I close the door and turn around there's no one to talk to and feel very sad. Im sitting looking out of the window and wondering whats gang on behind everyone's doors. Husbands and wives enjoying Sunday afternoon together, it's not fair that I can't. Feeling sorry for myself although I've had a busy weekend I still feel lonely, even when people and family are here. Just need to cope with the next few hours then what.Sally xx
  • Things I have done to pass the time this Sunday: stayed in bed this morning and watched 3 hours (2 episodes) of a terrifying Swedish drama - concentration essential because of sub-titles; watched my daughter apply for jobs over facetime and listen to her life, and shown her blossom from my window!;........made enough vegetable soup for every lunch time next week and, possibly, every evening meal too - just need to add milk and salt&pepper to each portion I heat; taken 3 bags of clothes which were probably useful and not necessary to get rid of, plus 2 almost new duvets covers (1 used as a rug for a picnic and the mud would not shift! , the other had a stain when I opened the packaging and I could not face complaining) to the recycling .... needed an excuse to get out; read the paper with a cappuccino in Costa; wandered aimlessly near the shops; done a pile of ironing plus a load of towel washing; gone for a drive in the car, then scared myself by being spooked my teenagers huddled on a corner!!....... and it is still only 6pm ......eaten 4 pieces of cranberry loaf, 1 yoghurt, 1 yoghurt drink, 1 fruit smoothie, 2 fruit scones and now about to make a mushroom sauce to go with lobster pasta ........ lots of cups of tea........; Next weekend is a long one and I have planned to take a friend to Devon........ just hope she does not bale.......this is meant to bring a smile to some of your faces - futility of life without Tony - but not all is gloom - even the occasional wry smile at how pathetic I am or how lovely it is to see the blossom and hear the birds...... make friends I am told - but why do I want friends who never knew Tony? And Tim, I thought a trip to Cambridge was planned ..... I am away for nearly 4 weeks soon........ Penelope
  • Only 2 and a half hours then it will be 3 months since I lost my darling husband. Am trying to get though the next hours with wine and cheese. Feeling very sorry for myself.the weekend has been busy but its now i need company. I miss having someone to hold me and tell me it will be ok. Even right up to he end Mike said we will get though it know very well he wouldn't. This house feels like a lonely shell without him here. Friends are great but don't really understand as they go home to their husbands and partners. It doesn't feel like home now just a house. Sorry feeling really sorry for myself.and don't know what to do. Will be ok in the morning when I can pretend to the outside well that Im coping. Do people really believe or just don't want to ask or know? This probable doesn't make sense so just ignore. Sending a huge hug to everyone. X
  • Penelope,

    Cambridge has to wait until after the bank holiday weekend. As for making friends - I've made plenty here who never knew Laing. You know what, that's all to the good. Those who knew him are special (like the two ladies I lunched with last Sunday), but they cannot be the core of my life. I need and must expand my world.

    When you think how badly we have been affected, you come across those who are suffering in different ways you realise we cannot allow ourselves to let self pity be our watchword. This woman is amazing. She can feed herself well on a restricted income and promotes the idea you can do it on a web site. She isn't telling people, she's showing them by her deeds. Some of the recipes look enticing.

  • That's it now 3 months. No one bothered to phone not even the kids. Seems like out of sight out of mind. Need to sleep now. X
  • Here's what I posted when it came up for my 3 months.

    You have to rely on yourself. It's not easy. I know. I've only got me.

  • So sorry you had no calls Sally, I have been thinking of you, and many others have on here I am sure. A new and better day tomorrow.

    I am trying not to count the weeks and months now as it does hurt to make anniveraries of them, but it is unavoidable to take note I know..

    Sleep well... Alan X

  • Thankfully Sunday is nearly over folks. I had friends in when 9 o'clock came. I kept looking at my watch but didnt want to say 'This is the time Jeremy died.' They probably wondered what I was doing. Oh how I miss him, more and more and more, each and every day.

    Hugs to everyone and thank heavens for all of you. Not that I would wish anyone to be in this position. I just cant get over how alike we all think and feel.

    I have been listening to this old song. Very apt.



    Bread - (I Would Give) Everything I Own Lyrics

    You sheltered me from harm
    Kept me warm, kept me warm
    You gave my life to me

    Set me free, set me free
    The finest years I ever knew
    Were all the years I had with you

    I would give anything I own
    Give up me life, my heart, my home
    I would give everything I own
    Just to have you back again

    You taught me how to love
    What it's of, what it's of
    You never said too much
    But still you showed the way

    And I knew from watching you
    Nobody else could ever know
    The part of me that can't let go

    I would give anything I own
    Give up me life, my heart, my home
    I would give everything I own
    Just to have you back again

    Is there someone you know
    You're loving them so
    But taking them all for granted

    You may lose them one day
    Someone takes them away
    And they don't hear the words you long to say

    I would give anything I own
    Give up me life, my heart, my home
    I would give everything I own
    Just to have you back again

  • Look after you it's all that matters bless you it's so tough but you have come this far we can do it together !! We all get it sleep is a lovely thing when it lasts xxxx Niamh
  • Sending love to all on here and saying goodnight and goodbye to Sunday. Wishing you all a better week, it is tough, life is cruel, but we have been able to chat to eachother and help in some way. I find when I get stressed, I can type away on my laptop and someone, somewhere understands what we are going through each day,

    Sleep well if you can,

    Julie xxxx