Bereaved spouses and partners

For widows, widowers and anyone who has lost a husband, wife, partner or civil partner to cancer.

Why did Laing turn up for breakfast?

No. of entries: 15 | Posted on 30 Mar 2013 7:55 AM

Why did Laing turn up for breakfast?

  • I've heard about this happening before, but this morning, not 10 minutes since, I selected a blueberry muffin from the hotel buffet, and as I was going back to my table I was thinking in my head "It won't be as good as yours Laing". I sat down, and just for a fleeting nanosecond I saw him smiling at me with that his 'I love you Timbo, because you're really a child trapped in a grown up's body' look. In my head I asked him why was he here with me for breakfast of all things? Of course, there was no reply. I had to speedily finish my breakfast and return to my room.

    My eyes are as wet as the streets of Zurich right now (and believe me, it's wet here). 

    I know the title of the post is a question, but I also know there is no answer. Yesterday I said to Heidi I am, as she could see, still wearing his ring. I mused about the idea of going to a medium and give the ring and say, "Right, tell me all about this ring, its owner, and everything". I also said that I was worried that if there were a real spirit world that Laing would give me a right quick up the you-know-where (I refrain from crudities as I know I have a female readership of delicate sensibilities) for going into that mumbo-jumbo as he called it.

    So what I am trying to say in my usual jumbled up way is, in bereavement, one believes that one sees the deceased, in my case oh so fleetingly. It does happen, maybe not to everybody or it may be for longer than I experienced. In my case, it was so loving, it hurts, it numbs me.

    It's nearly 9 in the morning now, so I'll shut up shop and go out with the camera and maybe do a lot of heavy shopping in the Bahnhofstrasse. When in Zürich, do as the Zürichers do!

    Love and hugs and hoping you're all warm and safe back home.


  • Hi Tim, Su from Cambridge here,

    Haven't been on for a while not having a very good time....

    Just wanted to say I am glad you had that moment I can't remember if I have said on here before but my Jim has come to me on 3 or 4 occasions and usually when I am just falling asleep or just waking up. I feel him when I go to bed sometimes he holds me tight. On every occasion my overwhelming feeling is of complete calm and after he has gone, (sometimes he says "I have to go now") even though I am still hurting I have a small very real smile on my face.

    I hope Laings visit has left you feeling like this. Do not question it, enjoy it....

    Have fun shopping and maybe speak soon.


    Take care. Hugs

    Su xx 

  • Tim, You are lucky; I wish I could believe and see Tony.... maybe I can't because he loved blueberry muffins and I can't stand them - perhaps I will try one and see..... But your post has brought my wry smile back which has turned into a grin .... It is cold here in Weinheim but it is good to be visiting our daughter. ... we are meant to be going out for the day but, just like it would be with my Tony, she is her Daddy's girl - sound asleep with me wide awake and desperately trying not to nag to get the day started! Hang in there; Laing is with you wherever you go, always. Penelope
  • Su, thanks. I k ow thousands of things running through my mind right now all related to the incident. Getting it out there in the open is on of the best things to do, as I know others will have had such an experience in some shape or form. Seems weird, smiles TIm as he types with a smile Laing always commented on as my you're saying something witty or pertinent or clever face, to say some shape or form in relation to an apparition, I guess is the best way of describing it. 

    I'm feeling better for your words. Hearing from you has reminded me I promised somebody or other to be dragged off to Grantchester sometime!!!

    Love and hugs back at you


  • Penelope, you don't need to believe. It may happen to you, it may not. I didn't seek him to appear. It was, like much I have realised since he was diagnosed, a random event. Everything is without rhyme or reason, but it happens. Despite the shock of the event, I'm OK (or as OK as a loony like me ever could be).

    It's not so warm in Zürich, and I do declare the cloud is a slightly lighter shade of grey than it was half an hour ago. That's enough to put a spring in anybody's step.

    Give your daughter a good talking to, it's nearly 9.30 for goodness' sake! The day won't last forever!



  • Oooooooh, Tim. I am so happy for you but have to admit to being envious. I will Jeremy to 'come' to me but as yet no. I do however think perhaps that a wee robin that looks in the window at me might be him. I hope so. I would give anything for a wee visit. 

    Jeremy didnt give me any instructions on how to conduct my life after he died. Mainly because he knew I would be completely overwhelmed and would have to cope in my own way, in my own time. The only thing he asked me was not to become obsessed with mediums. He asked that because he knows I probably would have.

    I have some blueberry muffins. I may just have one for breakfast.......

    Enjoy the wetness of Zurich and the fabulous shops.





  • Hi Tim, I hope it was comforting for you to see Laing, albeit a fleeting visit. I truly believe in afterlife or spirit world or whatever individual people want to badge it. I've had a number of complete melt downs over the last week, normally late on in the evenings, asking David to come home. I find myself wailing like a banshee then all of a sudden a huge calm comes over me and I stop crying. I'm answering my questions with what I know David would say. I've been to see a medium on a few occasions, not to do with David but my oldest friend passed away suddenly a number of years back. She has come through when I've been to visit but don't go too soon after Laing. They normally suggest you leave it about 6 months for them to get used to things. I hope you are ok now, we are all sending you huge hugs and comforting squeezes. Please know that we are with you right now. Lots of love to all Nicola xxxx
  • Very light snow here in Cambridge. We will wait till it warms a little before we do Grantchester but most definitely must do it. Two not so sane people enjoying a cuppa and cake probably reminiscing and people watching has got to be a good thing to look forward to.

    Keep warm and enjoy!


    Su x

  • Tim, I believe our loved ones still look over us and Laing was telling you how pleased he was with you for the way you are trying to cope.Enjoy the moment.

    I have seen and felt Frank. He has had his arm round me in bed . One night he sent me a sad message-he was coming out of the bathroom in the middle of the night and I heard him ask his cat what he was doing there. The cat had been such a comfort to me and I was too busy cuddling it I did not realise it was ill. A couple of days later I took it to the vet and sadly had to have him put to sleep as he had a malignant tumour on his bone. I now believe Frank was teying to tell me this.

    Sending you big hugs.


  • Thanks all. I've been with my friend most of the day, and what a wet day it's been. It was fascinating watching her and her daughter decorating eggs for tomorrow and discussing this and that, or nt saying much at all.

    It's good to have this place so we can share moments like this. We also know that to somebody not in our situation they would probably react politely but it would be obvious they would find it unnerving at best! Even if I hadn't been checking the replies, I know I have unconditional support.

    OK it's 11 here, I lose an hour of sleep and I meet Daniel tomorrow at 11. Perhaps my feet will touch the ground sometime between now and eternity! It's all go.

    I hope your Easter weekends are not too stressful. I also hope the weather is kinder to you than it is to me, though a text from my brother leads me to believe it is pretty much the same back home.

    Bye for now, hugs and don't oversleep tomorrow and don't forget to change all clocks and watches at home. I must do that Monday when I get home. A boy's work is never done. Where are Laing and my mother when I need them to look after me properly? I ask you, nearest and dearest!



  • I bet Laing turning up for breakfast shocked you.  But i bet he was saying "look you've got the best muffin this time".  How lovely that something so simple as a muffin brought him to you.  Glad to hear you are having a good time despite the weather.  Its been snowing on and off here but inbetween we've had  lovely sunshine.  I do hope you are going to partake in the easter egg hunt tomorrow?

    Chocolate off the menu for me as wisdom tooth troubles, but that doesnt stop me feeding my nephews more than their fair share!!!!  I went and bought them a big choccie bunnie each on thursday, so i wont be popular with their mum.

    Love to all


  • How very dare you! The best muffins were only ever home baked!

    Laing didn't turn up this morning, I asked him kindly not to. I got him house trained, at last!

    The snow is falling now and trying to settle, but it's too wet here in Zürich. And to think a week or so ago they were forecasting the weather to be bright, sunny and about 14 degrees. It's not just our Met Office that gets it wrong!

    I bought myself a Lindt dark chocolate bunny. Haven't nibbled into it yet. Auntie Lou hasn't given me permission! Go on girl, spoil your nephews, and if you've wisdom teeth problems, nibble with your front teeth. There's always more than one way to skin a cat.


    P.S. Yes, I am feeling better this morning.

  • Hi Tim,

    Glad to hear this is a better day for you.

    Very remiss of Auntie Lou not to give you permission to eat your chocolate bunny. You go for it and enjoy it after all dark chocolate is much better for you than milk chocolate. As you say, Lou could nibble with her front teeth and eat her chocolate that way. All this talk of chocolate has made me with I had a nice box of Leonidas at my side right now.

    Nice and sunny here in Kent but only 3 degrees. I am trying hard not to count the weeks and I think right now the sunshine is doing me good.


  • Auntie Lou gives you full permission to nibble that chocolate bunnie to your hearts content!!  I hope you throughly enjoy it too. Carol is right, Dark choc is so much better for you and tastes like velvet.  I've stayed off the chocolate today, although i did manage 2 profiteroles so i've had a hit today!!!

    Sorry to hear the weathers not been to kind to you, but i bet you have enjoyed the break none the less.  Glad to hear your feeling better too.

    Love to all  Louxxx



  • Hi Tim et al

       Have just read this thread having been absent for a wee while..  I have had similar experiences with Steve, a couple of weeks after he died, I was lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself as usual when I had the most vivid experience, that his arms were going around me and he just held me tight like he always used to.   It was such a powerful moment that I burst into tears.   Prior to that I had a dream in which I was looking out of our living room window and he was stood by the garden wall, a place where he used to stand and have a coffee in the summer, he was smiling and waving at me, almost like he was telling me he was OK, again such a powerful experience that I woke up crying.

    A friend of mine lost her sister in law to cancer a couple of years ago and she told me that the lady's 10 year old daughter swears that mummy comes to tuck her up in bed at night!

    I think that whether we beleive in spiritual presence or not, although these things are very emotional for us when they happen, indeed Tim I agree it is painful, the fact that we feel our loved ones around us still in some way is a comfort to us.    I have found that, like you mentioned in an earlier post Tim, that I have started doing things in the way that Steve would have done them rather than my own way, which would have made him laugh so much.

    Hope all of your easter weekends weren't too hard, mine was busy, as we had a memorial gig for Steve (he was an old punk) which went so well we all felt that he was there with us in spirit!

    Take care all

    Helen xx