We are Macmillan. Cancer Support
my dad has pancreatic cancer, he went for surgery in january he was told the cancer had spread and the op couldn't be done!! he was told he had 6-12 months, 3 weeks after his diagnosis was made terminal , he is in hospital as cancer has spread to his stomach and caused a blockage in his bowel. He cant eat he is being fed liquid food! Today he went down for surgery to try and remove blockage but cancer has riddled his body, and doctors cannot help him ! this means that he will never eat againbbe fed liquid food and probably never return home! Doctors say if his body rejects the nutrients , then he will have 2 weeks ! we are devestated heartbroken having to watch my dad having to be eaten away by this awful disease is gutting ! what makes me cross is the fact doctors spotted a lesion on his pancreas in june, but waited until january to do anything about it! we thought we would get a little quality time but it literally took over his body before he , we ,could accept that it was terminal! im so gutted and makes it worse that he has to suffer and not physically but mentally ! its soul destroying!
Huge hugs... make this time as special as you can for him. Enjoy the moments and remind him of happy times. If he is able to write - you can get a book where he can write memories that can become a keepsake once has has passed away...
Only you can fight the fight - but I will be behind you to push you forward when days are grey!
thankyou for your message!! he can write, in actual fact he looks so well he looks the best he has looked in years! he is unware that he will never eat again or come home! where he is being fed with nutrient by a drip its giving him so much goodness going into him he looks so well, thats why we are finding it even more sad! my dad has never spoken about him dying or even being ill! we never have mentioned his illnesse! it feels like a big dream and where he is so well its like he will be home soon and things will be so normal! the doctor said his wellness wont last! he hasnt got any cancer pain at the moment which is good! but he feels so well that he believes he will be home soon! The cancer is everywhere and its just time before he goes! I feel distraught looking at him knowing he'll never come home and be a family again! how do you get through it ?? we have a meeting today with the hospital as we made an official complaint about the bad care he has recieved! not that it will help my dad now but why should the hospital get away with it!
Maybe have a look online and see if you can get him to complete the journal (I purchased mine from Amazon). It will be something that can be a keepsake for when the time comes.
You will get through it - just make the time you have with him as HAPPY as you can. Try hide the tears from him (a pair of sunglasses works for me - I hide the tears) and remind him of the good times. My gran went really quickly. She was diagnosised with lung cancer that had spread to her liver. It was in the advanced stages and she was gone in a couple of days. I was the last one to find out. As I live abroad I wasn't able to make it home in time and I regret it to this day. But I remember our last conversation I had with her 'now don't you come rushing home for me. Spend the money on a trip and have a toast for me'. I would give anything to have been able to give her on last hug before she passed away. To be able to touch her soft grey curls and exprience again the way she would squeeze my hand and somehow things felt alright. Cherish this time with your dad...
Cancer has a way of chirping the person up before things go down really quickly. My mom said that the morning before my gran died she was as chirpy as a bird in the morning. Asked my mom for her lippy, she passed away that afternoon. She suffered incredibly with pain and passed away with family around her in a cloud of morphine.
You are right - you can have every reason to lodge a compliant but focus your energy on your dad. There is always HOPE! Sometime the doctors get it wrong and we get more time with them than we anticipated. Just please cherish every moment.
You can still have those family moments- not in the home but at the hospital. I know with my gran that put her in a chair and wheeled her out to an open area and they had a 'picnic'. She had tubes EVERYWHERE and wasn't able to swallow but they sang songs and spoke of happy times. It was then that my gran turned to my mom and said 'Is Tommy is waiting for me'. Tommy was my grandad and my mom smiled and said 'Yes he will and you will know'. My mom was with her during her last moments and my gran turned and said 'He's here' and my mom squeezed her hand and said 'then its time, be with him'.
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