Hi Anita Just read your posts and can see you're having a hard time. You must try again with your mum, I think it would be a good idea to see if a relative can act as a mediator. It's strange during these times that anger comes out in the strangest ways, I think your reactions and actions are normal. My mum and dad split up 15 years ago, they lived in seperate houses but never really split up officially, they still acted like husband and wife but lived in different houses. Over the course of the 15 years my mum constantly moaned about my dad, how difficult he could be and then when we got the diagnosis my mum was absolutely devastated and I couldn't understand why. I was left thinking, what the hell are you crying for, you left my dad 15 years ago and you have no right to cry over him, I was so unbelievably angry with her and couldn't accept her tears. I became snappy with her, dismissive of her, rude to her, I was so pissed off with her. It came to a head the night before my dad died, my mum sobbed uncontrollably, saying how much she had regretted the last 15 years and that all she was waiting for was my dad to say "please come home", I could see how heartbroken she was, she was losing her husband and her pain was as real as mine and my brothers. My anger was replaced by shame, I was ashamed that I could be angry with her, we had a long talk and cleared things up, our relationship is back to where it was and I am so grateful we had this chance before my dad died. We were a reunited family as my dad passed away. It is totally understandable to act irrationally, I know I did, anger comes from unexpected places, but persevere with your dad and make him see you need to be with your mum, in whatever way you an. Your mum needs you, you know that and hopefully your dad will see that too. Good luck with it. Neale, x

Thanks everyone for your lovely messages.  It's heartbreaking hearing your experiences too.

Well, today my mum was told that the doctors have found where the primary cancer is and they've diagnosed gall bladder cancer.  Gall bladder cancer is very rare I've been told and the prognosis is very poor.  There are also cancer deposits in her bones, liver and abdomen and she has cancerous lumps in her neck also.

My mum has been feeling so ill these past few days, in some pain and is looking a bit frail which is frightening as she is/was a large lady.  She seems to be giving into it and is very very depressed by it and I would be the same as her.

I've looked up gall bladder cancer and from what I've read people usually have months rather than years to live.

So upset I cannot get over it.  I just can't believe this is happening to my mum.

so sorry to hear your awful news.The only way to prepare yourself for these things is to read anf google as much as possible from bona fide cancer/oncology sites.I did the same.I,at 38,didnt expect to lose my mum so early.She lost her battle with pancreatic cancer on 14th sept 2011 and went from being able to talk and looking ill but not too bad,to frail,on oxygen,barely able to talk,depressed and i knew even tho she could have had longer,that she had made her peace and excepted what was happening.Her last two days got painful and thankfully pain relief was swift,but having read everything possible(my mum was a large lady too)about the prognosis for these types of cancer i would keep an open mind.Everyones different.And my mum was a very strong woman,with a healthy heart and once she'd decided she couldnt stop or control it and accepted it,made her peace with god and several hours before she passed asked god to take her because she was ready.I personally think he answered her and it was so peaceful.I would have taken this wicked disease for her in a heartbeat,but sometimes things happen for a reason,i cant see that at the moment.Im still asking god how so many bad people walk the earth until they are in their 90's and yet good people are taken,and with these types of cancer,too quickly to be able to make arrangements,speak to people they need to,do things they.ve always wanted etc.Im still angry and the thought of never seeing her again breaks my heart,but life must go on.And i know my mum would be disappointed if i didnt give 100% at least trying.It wont be easy,i wont sugar coat it,but i hope you cope the same way i am,get up,breathe,go to bed.The days pass so quickly.I have my dad to care for so i know i have to be strong.I hope you'll be ok,stay strong for your mum,hugs.xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone

 

A lot has happened in the past couple of months.  My mum was told in October that her primary cancer was gallbladder cancer which has spread to her bones, liver and lymph nodes.

 

She started chemo at the end October and when she went for her 4th time of chemo she was far too ill to have chemo and was kept in hospital for a week.  Whilst in hospital (2 weeks ago tomorrow) the doctor told my mum the chemo isn't working and that her prognosis was only a matter of weeks.  That was almost 2 weeks ago.

 

My mum is now sleeping at least 95% of the day and night.  Cannot get out of bed without someone lifting her up, she cannot sit up on her own.  She can just about manage to walk to the toilet 5 metres away from her bed and my dad has to do everything for her.  My mum wants to die now as she is suffering so much.  My whole family are devastated.  She doesn't like lights being on, she has the curtains closed, she has lost interest in TV and radio and just sleeps all day.  Her sweating is out of control and it's a huge effort for her to talk and when she does talk she talks with her eyes closed.  We know we will lose her very soon and we are in for even more heartache. 

 

Cancer is such a cruel disease.  My mum is the most beautiful person ever and we will all be devastated when she passes.

Sadly, my beautiful mum passed away on 24 December 2011, she was only diagnosed in September 2011.  She really suffered in the last weeks, particularly the last few days and she was in pain too.  I will never get over how helpless my mum was and what we saw her go through. 

I miss my mum so much it hurts.  It still feels like it's a bad dream and that she could walk in at any time. 

In the last couple of days of her life, she was unable to drink so we had to syringe water into her mouth, it was so heartbreaking.  She was so desperate for a drink but she couldn't talk by this stage.  If I think about her last few days in particular it would send me crazy because she suffered beyond words and it was the most upsetting sight imaginable.

My mum died at home in a hospital bed downstairs in her own home.  She was the most brave person I have ever known.  I was with her til the funeral directors took her away and I wasn't scared at all, I hugged and kissed her, she was my mum.

As my mum passed away on 24 December 2011 (Christmas Eve) her funeral won't be until 11 January 2012, which is making things even harder.

I am so sorry for your loss and for me personally I think it would be even more difficult because of the time of year, I lost my mum after 29 days, she too died at home and we were with her till the very end and I also lay beside her once she had gone, during my time alone with her. I am now almost 5 months down the line and it could have been yesterday. It must also be very difficult waiting for the funeral, it's like there is no closure until then. We were fortunate in that respect as I am from Ireland and we have our funerals usually within 48 hours of the person passing . My thoughts are with you at this very sad time. Yvonne x

I lost my Mum to cancer in October this year and I have to say that although I knew I would miss her so very much, I did not realise how physically painful it would be. You can't really describe the feeling until it affects you. Cancer is such a cruel disease and to see your Mum go through it is awful. I miss her and will always miss her, she was only 68. She still had many years of fun to have.

Someone once told me that Grief is the price we pay for love........now isn't that true!!

No words can help you right now, cry as much as you can and talk to her too as she will always be around for you. Sharing thoughts like this is a great comfort too.x