I'm hooked

2 minute read time.

In the pit of despair that was last week, the temple of peace at the bottom of my garden seemed as remote as the Himalayas. 

Then something odd happened last Sunday. I got up and something felt distinctly different but I couldn't put a finger on it. I had a shower and then it dawned on me; I felt well. Not only was I not in pain, I felt positively perky. Monday came and again, I felt, like me. I felt like me! I hadn't felt like this since last year. It was like waking up after an awfully long vivid nightmare. It didn't matter that it was raining or that my hair looked like a bird's nest, or even that I hadn't done the shopping. I had found hope. 

Hope is a wonderful thing. It makes the dark days easier to get through and has a way of tapping into stores of energy that you never knew you had. For the first time in months I did some gentle cleaning, what's more I actually enjoyed it (I think the skirting boards were singing in relief too). Even the persistent hole in my suture line isn't enough to bring down my mood. 

And the best thing of all? I can sleep again. Most nights I'm back to seven or eight hours. Absolute, unadulterated heaven. I don't want to put the mockers on it and say it's here to stay but while it's back I'm going to make the most of it and rot in bed. 

Next week I have appointments to discuss the whipping out of my ovaries and the whipping off of the boobs. I'm quite excited, to me they're an opportunity to start a new phase of life, one that will give me peace of mind. I know it'll be a couple of sessions under the knife but I'm looking over the rainbow. 

Here I fall down on my knees, I fear I must make a confession; I have turned to the dark side. I have forsaken my sewing for a crochet hook. Whilst on a sabbatical from the shed and browsing the internet from my pit on Sunday morning, in a moment of weakness I ordered some fabulous chunky yarn. The challenge of a cheerful crocodile blanket to huddle under during the cold winter months was too much of a temptation. In a few weeks' time, as soon as my blanket is finished, I'll put my mountaineering boots back on and head off to the temple in the garden. I've made some pressies already but with Christmas not that far away, the stock of bags needs replenishing. The next few months is going to be busy!

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    So glad to hear your seeing over the rainbow!

    The dark days are there for a reason I believe, I think or certainly for me they seem to be necessary to excise all the bad and negative thoughts. They come to the surface and I deal with them then once dealt with (usually in my blog) I am able to carry on a bit further until the next time ;)

    I love crocheting, very hypnotic and soothing, plus you get something useful at the end of the therapy. Your blanket looks very promising and I love the colours.

    Good luck with the appointments for the surgical planning.

    xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Blueeric :)

    I know what you mean about letting out the negative thoughts, I think it's a part of the mental healing process. Pretending they don't exist or trying to ignore them does no good. Much better to face them and deal with them, however hard. Just as well we both have somewhere to blog eh?!

    I found a small company online called The Wool Factory, they provide a super service and sell yarn at a very reasonable price. Stupidly though, I miscalculated how much I was going to need. This is my first large blanket and crocodile stitch seems to be a monster for eating yarn!

    Have a lovely weekend x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Moonblat,

    It's lovely to hear from you again, your blog always brings along a ray of sunshine and I find myself much in need of this at the moment. Usually I'm the most optimistic person I know but recently I have been very low and find myself crying at the drop of a hat.

    i hope you don't give up your bag making, I noticed some lovely ones on Etsy this week and I'm trying to decide which ones would suit family and friends for Christmas presents.

    take care, thinking of you and your upcoming treatment planing, it sounds like a massive undertaking and your possitive attitude is wonderful to hear, good luck! Your sunny disposition is just what the Dr ordered.

    all the very best,

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi ShirleyJane lovely to hear from you :)

    You and me, we can cry together! I often find myself bursting into tears, sometimes I don't even know why. Let's face it, who wouldn't? Being optimistic is hard when you're facing a tough challenge but hey, don't be hard on yourself, look at how well you've done! I'm sure we're both stronger now than we've ever thought possible.

    I promise there will be some new bags uploaded by Monday evening and I'm going to try and add at least a couple each week. I do love chrocheting but it makes me go cross eyed! Time to head back to the shed for a breather every now and then.

    Thanks for your kind words, I'm looking forward to finally getting the ball rolling this week. Fingers cropassed!

    lots of love x

  • Hi Moonbat,

    Great to read one of your blogs again! Was missing you! I had the impression that you were going through a tough patch, as it wasn't like you to be quiet for so long. Great to hear that you feel like yourself again and that you have been sleeping well (that is sooooo important and so good .... ) Despite (because of?) my good news earlier this week I fell into a trough myself. Actually, it started a bit before when the prolonged anxiety of waiting for the scan started to get to me. I think it is the sheer exhaustion, mental and physical, of the whole bloody business plus, in my case, the feeling that maybe the worst is over now and the cure has hopefully worked so you let down your emotional safeguards and those feelings just overwhelm you ...

    Here's to hope

    Take care, good luck with the surgery planning, hugs,

    David