its me again

hi everyone , i thought i would do a blog a bit of an up date really. most of you will know that i am in remisson from breast cancer which is fantastic . have been feeling down recently but that's how it goes ,my macmillan nurse say's that is a sign i am getting better because when you are realy ill thing's don't bother you as much i know what she is saying & that's a good sign i suppose . anyway other thing's on my mind in june 2007 i was diagnosised with barret's oesphegus [sorry spelt that wrong]. had been having problem's with swallowing heartburn's sickness etc ,went for an endoscopy & a day or so later my gp rang me to ask me to go to the surgery to see her scare's the life out of you that dosn't it!!. so went to see her she told me about the barrets what it entailed etc & that i needed to see this consultant . so off i toddle's to see said consultant with my friend in tow very worried because i didn't understand everything at the time still a bit shell shocked . i walk in to see said consultant & before i was half way through the door she say's ah your the woman with the little barret's so i make some joke about the size said consultant did not have a sense of humour at all . she then procede's to tell me that she had decieded that i didn't have it so there was no reason for me to be there basically that's you done goodbye so off i go again relived yes but still have symptom's & felt very let down & confused . i know that barret's isnt cancer but is a pre cancerous condition , this was all at the time when i felt very ill i knew something was wrong with me but didn't know what it was . i was having time off work because i was getting ill all the time was begining to feel like it was all in my head . i also have a problem with my coxyc's , this had happened in april 06 after an op on varicous vein's i woke up in agony & havn't been able to sit properly since my gp very calmly said to me they could have fliped you wrong or dropped you off the table WHAT. well i will never know what happened only know my bum hurt's like hell when i sit down in the correct position & again when i standup . well back to the barret's saga the swallowing has never got any better it's worse if anything my mouth is alway's sore no matter what i do [have got a dentist now ] i get a terrible dry mouth when my tongue stick's to the roof of my mouth & it's painfull getting it unstuck . i have all the remedie's but none have worked so far . i know some of this can be due to med's etc but this happened before i was on most of them. while i was on chemo this barret's thingy played on my mind sometime's & i asked chemo nure's if the chemo i was on would kill other cancer cell's like pre cancerous etc because i had my mind set that if i did have the barret's then chemo would get rid of it . she said nope it would probably not because different cancer's need different chemo's etc . i know i sound like i am saying i still had this barret's & i probably am because that doctor did nothing to make me think other wise the endscopy had said i had if you know what i mean. think i am going paranoid maybe i am bloody cancer make's you that way dosn't it ?. anyway rang my macmillan nurse the other week after another chocking episode choke on nearly every meal cannot eat without a drink that's not normal is it ? she rang gp he asked me to come in [same practise you see one of three dr's mainly like to see lady dr as she is better one my oppion ]well on this vist he was very nice listened to my concern's told him what had happened with consultant he agreed that she hadn't acted correctly & seeing as i was diagnosised with breast cancer the following april & had been feeling unwell for along time prior to that .it was nice to be listened to & not made to feel paraniod well that's not all true because noone had made me feel like that except myself . so i am now to go for another endoscopy & after the last year i am scared this is the first time i have felt so scared even the breast cancer didn't scare me this much , i know it's probably nothing & i am over reacting . i have to write thing's down like this because it's my way of getting it off my chest there is know one to confide in here because i don't want to upset my kid's can't talk to my mother because she never listen's friend's who have been through the cancer with me are reasuring but don't want to go in depth so sorry guy's you all have to bear the brunt of my paraniod rant's . waiting for endoscopy is horrible it's like goig back & waiting for scan result's again .i know that there is no link between breast cancer & oseophgus cancer's so chance's are i am making a mountain out of a molehill. the other thing though is i do feel well which is a good sign & apart from symptom's mentioned i am getting stronger all the time . it's the choking that's the worse it scare's me & everyone around so if we get that sorted great stuff .well thank you again for listening to my rant's also could i just mention that i am doing the race for life if anyone would like to sponser me it's in hudds there is a link in my race for life blog use second link please because first one dosnt work properley also a big thankyou to those who have already sponsered me . thanks again every one feel a bit better for writting it down .hope eveyone is doing well take care love n hugs theresa xxxxx