I've just completed my first full week of work after my dad's diagnosis and feeling really shattered. I'm so lost as to what I should be feeling right now. I want to be with my dad all of the time but know that this just isn't possible as I need to keep a cetain degree of "normality" in my life.
I can't believe how quickly things can change. This time last year we were celebrating my dad getting the all clear after he had his bladder removed. He was so amazing after the bladder removal and has just accepted his bag. We had so many discussions about how the removal of his bladder was nothing if it got rid of the cancer and after the op he kept telling people that he was one of the "lucky ones".
He's now stuck in a hospital bed with secondary bone cancer and the doctor told us yesterday that they can't guarantee that he will be able to use his legs again. He's moving his legs well in the bed but there is a weakness in his spine from the cancer. He's undergoing radiotherapy for the pain and chemo. I am still amazed by his attitude. He keeps telling us that he's taking "one day at a time" and although he gets a bit grumpy he just accepts that this is the situation and he has to deal with what's in front of him.
I love him so much and watching him suffer breaks my heart but I am so proud of him too. I know he's going to get days when he's angry and frustrated and I just really hope I have the strength to support him in the way he has always supported me.
