This is where the worst begins... I think.

1 minute read time.

My mother in law was diagnosed in August with Stage 4 Pancreatic cancer but has remained remarkably well since. She has had some swelling of her legs due to loss of Liver function and some bladder incontinance but has otherwise been able to do most things for herself.

Last Saturday she was admitted to hospital with a DVT and infection in the Gallbladder. She has struggled to regain the same vigour that she had before her admission. I haven't seen her myself as the children and I have been poorly and didn't want to risk exposing her to further infection but my husband has. Apparently she is more dependant now needing help getting to the toilet and with bathing. I desperatly want her home so I can see for myself how she is doing but I'm also terrified about how I will cope with her and the children now she is so much more dependant. I know we will get more support at home as her needs become more complex but it's still a worry.

My husband has started to talk about giving up work so that I can go back to the job I love ( He hates his job). I find that I really don't want too. I know how upsetting I would find it if either of my boys ended up having to provide intimate care for me and I don't want her to feel at all uncomfortable in these final months possibly weeks. I want them to be able to maintain a normal mother son relationship right to the end. What do I do? Should I be selfish and return to work and allow my husband to take up the reins or do I say "no, I'll do this, you concentrate on enjoying your time with your mum". I know that he will find it so much more distressing than I will, he's a sensitive soul. My relationship with the mother in law has been difficult at times and the stress of what she is going through is making her snipe at me more frequently. I don't want hubby on the receiving end of it in case it damages their relationship, he deserves to have only the fondest memories of his mum. Aaargg What do I do?

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi, i think you are going to find looking

    after your mother-in -law very difficult,

    and when people are ill thy tend to get

    snappy.But having said that i think you

    must do what you feel is right for all three

    of you. Your mother-in-law might not want her son to care for her, as you say

    it is a very personal thing, and maybe

    your husband hasn,t fully taken in what

    caring for his mum involves. If you do

    decide to care for her you must also

    make time for your own space, or you

    will begin to feel resentful that you dont

    get time for yourself. When your hubby

    comes home from work maybe he could

    help his mum in little ways while you have a brake. Its not easy being a carer

    as people on here will tell you that care

    for there loved one. You sound a very kind person, but you must think about

    weather you will be able to do this long

    term, and if you have children its going

    to be very hard work. But i do commend

    you on giving it a go, and you know if

    things get hard and you need to talk, there is always this site to call into, the

    people are lovely here and would be only

    to happy to help you .

       Wishing you all the best what ever you

    deside.

      Regards Lucy Lee. xxx