Smoking until the end - any advice?

I had an uncle who, whilst dying from lung cancer, continued to smoke like a chimney. Smoking is an addictions, as is dependence on alcohol. Possibly if your father could turn the clock back he would have chosen a healthier lifestyle, however now he is so ill he probably wants his 'props' in order to make it through the awfulness of the situation.  He is probably concentrating on his illness and is not so aware of how his behavior is hurting his family.

I don't think you have much chance of him giving up his habits but you could try talking to him and tell him how you feel.

I wish you strength.

KateG

Thank you Kate for your advice - I have tried talking to him over a period of many years and I have told him how I feel again now but he doesn't say anything. Sometimes he says sorry for not wanting to sit with us etc but then he just carries on. I know I can't expect the situation to change, I just want to find peace with it and with him before it is too late.

I Think your Dad is suffering from guilt, he knows that the smoking and drinking has got him into his

present situation. But does not want to admit to his Family that he,s ashamed for the way his life style

has led him to put the worry and fear onto his family.and is punishing himself.by pushing you all away Sit down and have a chat with him tell him you Love him, and care for him, and you want to know how he feels. It wont be easy Knoll but if you want him to sit and have a chat,you will have to forget about talking about his smoking and drinking as I think in my opinion that will drive him back into his shell. All the best and good luck.

Take care and be safe.Sarsfield.

I lost my mum two years ago and smoking contributed to that, although she had many other illnesses, she didnt know she was dying but knew they were making her chest and everything worse but just needed the cigarettes as a prop, I feel guilty that I nagged her about it, nobody can know what its like to be that not well.  Its only now that I am not well, ovarian cancer that can see where shes coming from.  Know its not the same as your dad with his alcohol and things but and dont want to sound trite but life is way to short, just be with him for yourself and your peace of mind.  God parents are a minefield, didnt have a good relationship with my mum, she wasnt really there for me during my life but got close to her in the last few years of her life.  I hope I dont sound as if I am preaching, I do apologise if thats how I sound can only say what worked for me.  I wish you well with your dad.

My partner John is suffering from cancer.  It is not smoking related but he has smoked all his life and continues to do so.  His cancer is incurable and the hospital actually advised him that now would be a bad time to try to kick the habit because of all the stress he is under.

I smoke too.  I had given up for six weeks before John's diagnosis but the stress began to tell on me too and, I'm afraid to say, I'm smoking again more than ever.

Your Dad probably finds it relaxing to smoke if it's something he's done all his life.  Don't preach to him about giving up but do try to talk to him and tell him that you think he is shutting you out.  Tell him how much you love him.  There really is no point in him giving up and it's probably upsetting him if he feels that you resent him doing it.

Try to ignore it and concentrate on having a good relationship with him in the little time you have left.

Hope this helps a little.

Love, Marjorie x x x x