dealing with feelings

1 minute read time.
I have joined this site to talk to others who have had cancer. I've realised that although I have excellent support from my partner, I want to know how other people feel in a similar situation to me. I had a small tumour, with no spread to the lymph glands so the future looks good and I'm lucky. My treatment is finished , surgery (lumpectomy) and radiotherapy and I'm now on tamoxifen. I've been feeling ok these last few months, getting over the fatigue from the radiotherapy, but I have not returned to work. My job is counselling in the NHS, and I have not felt able to return to working therapeutically with others when I still feel somewhat fragile emotionally myself. In the last couple of weeks I have been seeing my Occupational Health dept and my HR dept regarding work. I am also on ESA and have had a medical. All this has resulted in me suddenly feeling very low in mood and anxious. I wonder if others have experienced a similar sort of delayed reaction? At a time when I suspect others are assuming that i am getting back to normal, I actually feel worse than ever! It would be really helpful to know if others feel like this. Thanks Polly
Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Like you i still feel fragile mentally but physically feel lots better

    Has i look well people think that im back to normal but far from it.

    i think it will take time to get over the fact you got or had cancer thats if you ever get use to it im not sure

    best wishies

    Emma

    x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    its been 18mnths since  had 2 very small cancers taken out of my right breast , I was very lucky it was found when I went for my routine mamogramm , I had a lumpectomy and a breast reduction on the other one , but at the right side of my boob under my armpit  there is a fairly big lump which is very painful all the time , some times it hurts that much I feel sick with it , but for some reason no-one seems to be too concerned about this . so I just have to keep taking painkillers , I have just been for a check up and all is ok but with this pain and lump I am scared it will be ignored and it turns out to be another tumour and it will be too late then , physically I have got over it , emotionally I seem to just waiting for cancer to stike again , I dont say it out loud  but it doesnt mean its not there in my head waiting  . . . I had the radium treatment I was thankful I didnt need chemo

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Polly and Feduplady - I think the cancer is always there in the back of your mind even when prognosis is good.  It's a kick in the guts and you lose your confidence when you feel out of control of your own life. I am a district nurse and it took a long while for me to feel that I could cope with working with patients with cancer again.  However I I think I still have so much to offer, even more so now I have "been there, got the t-shirt".  Anxiety is remedied with a small dose of cipramil for me.  I took advantage of the therapys at the Hellena Rollanson centre at the radiotherapy unit at the North Middlesex Hospital, bach flower remedies, reflexology and counselling which addressed a lot of issues from the past especially my turbulent relationship with my mother. I took a stock of my whole life and realised that I had to make loads of changes if I wanted to survive. It really made a difference and for once I made a decision to actually look after myself!  My oncologist told me that women who get breast cancer often have lots of imbalances going on in their lifestyle, maybe dietry, smoking, drinking, relationship, financial, self-esteem issues, and also my counsellor said she has noticed that women with breast cancer are always givers and put everyone else before themselves.  I realised that all these things applied to me and although one can't change their personality, at least we can try to improve these issues a bit....  I now feel really healthy, going to the gym, eating sensibly, less alcohol etc etc. and I can deal with my mother a whole lot better and she doesn't get to me the way she used to!  Yes dear Feduplady, I have a painful lump under my arm as well, I went for a scan for this and they weren't concerned.  It changes from time to time and I also wonder if it's a cancer waiting to be diagnosed.  I have my first year check up in a couple of months and will bring it up again.  I now put more store on what I am doing today, enjoying life more in the present and being thankful for what blessings I have in my life.  We never know what is around the corner and I am trying not to waste time worrying about things I have no control over.  However I try to keep abreast of what is best for me and every so often my dear partner boots me up the bum to get me back on the right track again.  Us ladies are very much loved by our nearest and dearest and we owe it to our loved ones to take care of ourselves.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Hazel

    Thanks for your comment. I find the stuff about women who have breast cancer being givers, fascinating. I too fit that profile, being a social worker for 18 years, then a counsellor in the NHS for the last 12 years.

    I have just reached a decision about the future to not go back to my job in the health service. I am going to work for myself doing a variety of things, one of which will be therapeutic work. I am more interested in the energy psychology field now and am training to do EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique.) Coming to a decision has been great and I feel freed up and excited, but I also have the fear of the cancer returning. I dont think we can expect not to have that after such a life changing experience but I guess the trick is to not let it spoil today. Easy to say! When I've fully learned how to do that I'll let you know!!

    Polly