Ok-so here I am, on this site, blogging about stuff that a week ago I had no idea about. But first a little background history....
Im 38, mother to three kids,One sadly born sleeping at 19 weeks pregnant.
I'm an only child, with slight anxiety issues, partner to a wonderful man for 16 years who suffers with his own issues of Aspergers syndrome, as does eldest son,
Being an only child, I was always the apple of my dads eye, this was compounded 38 years and 4 months ago when i was born, during the heatwave of 1976 on his 24th birthday. There was no other way but to be a complete daddys girl.
Fast forward to 6th November 2013, I get a call from the hospital outpatients nurse who says dad has had a bit of a shock and could I come and sit with him. Now I knew he was due to go in and get results from his recent MRI scan on his liver after an ultrasound proved inconclusive. All this started a few weeks before when one of his regular blood tests (he is diabetic) threw up a slight issue with his liver function.
Was showed into a side room, spoke to a specialist nurse. No one actually said to me "your dad has cancer" my mind had to work that out for its self.
"come in come in, your dads had a bit of a shock concerning his results"
"there are some areas on his liver"
"there is also an issue with his pancreas that we could not see on the mri"
"we have to do biopsy with camera down the throat to determine what sort of cells we are dealing with then will might be able to control it with chemotherapy or meds"
Me: "wait,what its definatley cancer?"
Nurse: "yes,almost confirmed. There are areas on his liver"
So, we got in car and went home to tell my disabled mother who relies on dad for day to day care. all a bit of a blur from then on really.
My other half came and picked me up, we went to get the kids from there nans. We went home. I cried.
Nearly a week on from that phone call at 2.33pm, I am still crying. Heartbroken. Have probably googled too much. spoke to dad daily. endoscopy/biopsy booked for 18th November, with chance of having to have another a week later through his side if they cannot gain correct access down the throat.
I dont know how me or my mother will cope. He is loosing weight, no appetite and is yellow. legs are swollen yet he is ringing me daily to see how i am.
There is a massive chance that my Mom will still have both parents alive and I will not. This is not the proper course of life.
I pray this blog will continue for many many moons to come.
I fear it will not.
