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My journey across the small corner that is my universe. The flailing, wailing, laughing, snort rumplingness of it. The hurt, pain, and the tears. All of it. Since my Dad's diagnosis and turning 30, i feel like i have had a very small, but very real ep
Welcome to Ms
Paranoid, and Mr crochettie. We've been expecting you....Pull up a seat, Miss
Teary is already here. Apparently.... this is the world of stress.
Today we see the
arrival of Paranoia and crochettie. Teary arrived this morning in the form of
brushing my teeth, and then driving to work. Its terribly difficult to see when
you're crying. Thanks to Ms Paranoid, I've managed to almost wreck a very good
Boss Employee relationship, and I'm after shooting the GF as well as Mr
Crochettie steps in to bat. I've been snappy, teary, paranoid and altogether an
absolute pain in the arse today. I've been told I'm being shockingly hard on
myself, and that I need to give myself room to breathe. If anyone knows how to
do this could you let me know?!?!??
done something monumentally stupid. I've brought some Baccie.
CLARIFY!!! I've not smoked it. And yes i know I am a weak crock of sh*t. I gave
up with my Dad and have managed to stay smoke free for 1 year and 2 months. But
HONESTLY i have the most HUMONGOUS cravings right now. The GF is a smoker. And
I know that she struggled to try and quit, whilst I stayed quitted. And she is
quite rightly shouting NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo From bonny
Scotland in a DAMN YOU shaking fist manner.
stupid isn't it. He's dying of Lung cancer, and has secondary brain Cancer from
the Lung Cancer which he got from Smoking. And I've brought Tobacco. Could
someone examine me please, as I've obviously been hit upside the head with a
picture the scene in my head, and how good the ciggie could taste. But I know
that I will be left light headed and feeling violently sick. Which is why I
haven't actually smoked anything yet. Would I be so abhorrently awful if I
caved? I know my Mum would practically throttle me. Yet my brother is still
smoking and doesn't get yelled at. Ah, that's because I'm the prodigal daughter
and therefore the one to be most perfected, honed and shiney.....
I don't know
what it is. I don't know why its come back now. Well that's bollocks. Of course
I bloody well know why its come hurtling back with a vengeance only a scorned
woman would be jealous of. I obviously don't cave in until I am under
EXTREME amounts of stress. And I finally believe that I am that much over-used,
over-bandied about word..... S T R E S S E D. So, this is the part where I am
supposed to ease off myself and coast a little more. To treat myself with
kinder words and more tea. What I probably shouldn't be doing is smacking myself
repeatedly for not being able to do everything.
I will carry on packing and Ignore the cleaning. Ex-Hub to be has told me
numerous times that I should leave the crap for him to clear up, as I've been
cleaning up behind him for too many years. The GF keeps telling me the reason
for my total in ability to concentrate is because that as a control freak
(which I am a little) everything is outside of my control which is exacerbating
how I feel in the first place. (She's bloody clever this one. Its a tad
irksome, but secretly, I love it.....Well, that's not so secret anymore really.)
I've wandered off the topic I think. You know what I want? I want to ability to stop conducting my relationship via skype and text messages. I guess really, I'm just missing my other half, a lot more today, than I do normally.
Oh My. This may mean I am human after all...............
Another big NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO coming from Bonnie Scotland. Don't take up smoking again. It will NOT take away your stress I assure you. You've done so well, make your dad proud of you by steering clear of the dreaded tobacco.
Yes, you are human and it's no wonder you're missing your GF being around at this very hard time in your life.
I wish you all the best. Will keep an eye out to see how you are getting on and your family too, of course.
If you want to smoke ,smoke its your choice. Bollocks to everybody else.
Take care and be safe Hug Sarsfield.x
P.S. I dont smoke but thats my choice and nobody elses.!!!
Oh Sarge. *hugs* Seriously dood. xxxxx
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