What does that make the radiologist? Chief fryer? King of all things butt-kicking!? Cancer Killer Extraordinaire?
I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn't a little apprehensive about my assessment for radiotherapy tomorrow but equally it's another step forward and there is no downside to that so I'm also a little bit excited. I can't imagine it's something I'd want to take up as a hobby but given the choice between staring at it for a bit longer or getting it attacked like a cheap science fiction film and I'm all over that radiation!.
Yep, they said 'we're going to fry a bit of you with a giant Xray' and I did a victory lap.. I cheered when I saw the haematologist and he gave me the news; he looked at me like I might have misunderstood the concept! Frankly if they could just blast the whole lot to be on the safe side I think I'd sleep well for months but I am aware that's not sensible or safe. If I want that kind of exposure to radiation I'm sure I could find a power plant to stand next to for a while...yeah perhaps not!
Being my normal ginger self I'm sat wondering how many sessions it'll be broken down in to and have of course peered at my arms in the hope of some how having an epiphany but clearly that was never going to work. I was hoping 1 because there are only 4 small tumours but since I've never taken an Xray to a bit of a human being I really have no idea. If I could learn to be a little more patient I'm sure I'd be a whole heap less of a stress face!
I've known about the 'C' word growing rudely uninvited on me for 13 weeks now. These have been the longest 13 weeks in an age but perhaps it's just because for the last 4 weeks I've obsessively documented it. Maybe that's the answer to enjoying the wonderful things in life too? I also realised today that in those 13 weeks I've had only 2 weeks free of appointments. It's taken a while to get to the first step of treatment but I certainly can't say the NHS haven't taken action. I've been mightily popular with them and prodded, poked and drained enough to fill my quota at least a year.
I'm rather perky today but apparently Hairy didn't get the smiley memo because he trundled in looking awfully pained. Since he doesn't 'do feelings' I tried all my usual tricks to no avail. I worry about my poor badger face. I couldn't tell you if his bleak expression was linked to his worry for me or something else. I'm normally pretty good at reading him but my ninja powers deserted me tonight and I settled for giving him a hug and reminding him he was my favourite of all the ginger badgers. He's taken himself off to his friend's house now so hopefully that'll cheer him up. I know you can't fix everything or everyone but I would like to make it through with his wellbeing intact.
I know the strain cancer can put on a relationship. There were times when his mum was ill that he shut down and I wanted to take hold of him and shake him until I recognised him again. This is not anything like that was. For one, I've not had to frog march him to the nearest shop to replace any household objects that allegedly collided with our walls by magic and he's been nothing but sweet and caring. I just worry he doesn't have the support he needs too. It's an odd position to be in. Surely I'm supposed to be the one to make him feel better normally? It's probably not terribly effective when it's me that has caused the worry. Still I'm sure it'll pass. We'll tick along and hopefully when this is over it'll just be added to list of things that happened and were a bit crap.
I'm off to continue with my quest to get through a book for the first time in about a year and hopefully for an early night with slightly less demented dreams.
