With friends like that...

2 minute read time.

One of the other things I've really noticed is how very much you find out who you're friends really are when soemthing like this happens.  I've had pleasant suprises and I've had some suspicions confirmed about certain people.

One person in particular has truly amazed me and not in a good way.  After questionning our 8 year old daughter about what tablets has mummy got (sleepers - very tired at that point) and who has been to the doctors when she got no answer I told her that M has cancer.  Cue eyes filling up with tears in the street and lots of general drama.  She then decided to send me an email four days later expressing how shocked SHE was by the terrible and tragic news and how SHE had turned to one of her friends for support and guidance in this awful situation that SHE didn't know how SHE was going to cope with!

One phone conversation later which I spent much of time reassuring HER that all would be well and there was nothing to be fearful of - thanks for the support and light hearted chat - not, neither of us hear anything from her until a week after first chemo.

The e-mail comes in - just wondered how M got on with his steroid treatment....Seriously, he's not got a chest infection.  So a curt reply goes back to which she decides it's a good idea to trivialise that whole treatement plan and put the word cancer in block capitals at the end of the e-mail.  Took my breath!

Took time to calm down and then wrote a fairly kind but to the point reply telling her that this was probably the end of the friendship - it had been going down hill for a while and now would the best time to call it quits etc etc.

The reply was outstanding, it was war and peace that it was all my fault, and my fault that she hadn't got in touch with M directly as she didn't want to bump into me, she probably was risk free if she'd sent a text, my fault that I took her e-mails the wrong was as I know she alwys says the wrong thing - she's in her mid forties, may be she should have learned sometihng by now!  Needless to say the delete button was pressed and I slept last night and didn't wake up rehearsing my goodbye speech to her. 

People will never fail to amaze me and some of our customers have amazed me in a good way but I suppose more than anything I'm proud of myself for calling time on someone who was only in it for themselves and only wanted to be around for the drama, because at least I can say I was honest about it.

When you have cancer in your life whether terminal or not you don't need people to bring you down and give you more to deal with, you need people you can have a laugh with, who support and understand and just go with it, moods, tantrums the lot because those people make this livable and a bit more bearable

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi Hun, how strange people are when they find out you have cancer. Some come up trumps and others almost cross the street to avoid talking to you about it. I don't know whether it's because they are just scared it may happen to them so easier to bury their heads in the sand. I had some friends who gave me unbelievable support, and others who are not my friends now!! I still see them during the course of my week, and pass the time of day with them, but make it clear I am not interested in their woes and whinging. I hope they never have to go through what we have. Your real friends will give you the support you need. Keep strong hun, I send you some sparkle to keep you smiling xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Sounds like your going though all the joys, i like was surprised how people reacted to the news i had cancer, Some i though would be rocks, seemed to loose their phones and forget they have emails Others who i though were just casual friends turned up and still am turning up trumps, And some acted like vultures, feeding off bad news My drinking buddies, well they still drink and talk rubbish when im up to it As for specialist nurses, contact your hospital PALS team, i have a few times in the last two years Helps alot
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi

    I agree with both of you, I've been suprised by some responses and some people have massively stepped up and been there, even just to have a brew and a chat while M is sleeping off the drugs and they can be the best of times.

    Loving the idea of sending sparkles thank you, I generally do keep smiling nad laughing if only to annoy the doom masters!

    Hope you're both doing OK

    Love H

  • Hi This has really struck a chord with me. My husband was diagnosed with AML in September and has undergone a stem cell transplant in February. He was in hospital in an isolation room for almost 20 weeks in total. I have never felt so alone in all my life. We live 4 hours away from family and 1 hour from work friends and colleagues. 'What a shame you live so far away' well it wasn't too far away on the many occasions we have made the journey to see them! Our youngest son lives 2 hours away but spends much of his time in Poland. He has been very supportive, spending time with us when time permits and always phoning to see how we are. The biggest problem is our oldest son who lives 10 minutes away. He hardly ever phones and only visited the hospital once a week on his own and was constantly being contacted on his phone by his wife. And there lies the problem. Our daughter in law has not allowed our 3 year old grandson to see us in case they catch something from the chemo! They now have another baby who is nearly 5 months old and we have not met him. We are heartbroken. As you rightly say, when you have cancer in your life you don't need people to bring you down and give you more to deal with. I cry every single day for the grandsons I am not allowed to see all because my husband is fighting for his life with cancer. It is unbelievable.
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi, That's heartbreaking not seeing your grandchildren, I'm so sorry that someone can do this out of what is probably ignorance and fear. I asked the question about telling Ms family as his parents died some years ago but there's loads of aunts and cousins etc. the answer was 'put it in the Christmas news letter when we're done, we never see them'. This is true, even though we have an 8 year old no-one bothers to stay in touch, and there's an hour travelling but as you say it's ok when you're going to them. I hope things get better for you both really soon Helen x