A week after diagnosis

1 minute read time.

On friday the 19th I was told that my mums pancreatic cancer had spread to her lungs and that from now on any care that she received would be palliative.

For a couple of hours I did not react but merely asked questions, " Can they not do chemo?"/ "Cant they cut them out" It took me a great length of time to realise that this was a death sentence for my mother.

I immediately began research online and was greeted with horrid statistics for pancreatic cancer that was operable - let alone for those that spread to the lungs. I read repeatedly 3-6 months.  

Last week we went through a period of hope when we were told that perhaps the spots found in her lungs were not cancerous which would mean that the cancer in her pancreas could be operated on. My mum had to have a very painful biopsy where they collapsed one lung and spent 3 days in hospital to discover on friday that they were in fact cancerous. Now she is weak from this operation and Im scared that this may be the beginning of her getting ill. Up until now she has been completely healthy apart from some bowel problems.

I am on a daily cycle of different emotions. I swing from fear and despair to anger over how late this was diagnosed (considering my mum started her search for a diagnosis last march).  I generally consider myself a positive person and am trying so hard to be positive as I know that this will keep my mum with us for as long as possible. 

The most agonising thing is how slowly the doctors have progressed... we have to wait days for doctors appointments. My mum is getting very frustrated by being at home with not much to do. 

My mum is meeting with an oncologist tomorrow morning. I desperately want them to fix a plan so that my mum can go away to the sun for a little bit with my dad and generally plan fun things to do.

I have been reading lots of posts in the forum here and feel quite worried at how quickly the disease has progressed with many on there. I think perhaps last week my body shut down so that I would not be in such emotional pain... I seem to be becoming full of fear and worry today.

Anonymous