The Mindfulness classes are going well. The pupils are taking the class for a variety of reasons but we all have one thing in common, we are struggling to recover emotionally from a traumatic experience. I seem to be the only cancer patient but I have no trouble relating to comments made by the others in the class. Someone said last week that it has taken them ages to finally struggle back to their feet, and now they are feeling a little bit lost because they realise that they are not quite standing in the same place that they were before.
I understand totally what they are saying. Cancer completely floored me but with the help of so many kind people, including several on this site, I am now standing up again. Life resembles how it was before, but something still isn’t quite right. I’m not sure what, can’t put my finger on it. Things have changed around me, but I think I have probably changed too.
Mainly I feel conflicted at the moment about work. When I was going through my treatment I didn’t want to return to work and I didn’t think I’d ever be able to. Then as I progressed it became very important to me to be able to return, to feel like life was getting back to normal. I’ve been back at work a year now and I’ve enjoyed it up till now. Everyone has been very supportive and I think it’s helped my overall recovery.
However since I returned after the Christmas break I can’t settle down and I’m not sure now that this is where I want to be. Half of me says don’t be silly, it’s a long time till retirement, you’ll never get another job, they have been very good to you, you’ll miss the money. The other half of me says life’s too short, enjoy it while you can, have long lie-ins under the duvet on cold dark mornings, go to the beach more often, have the spare time to be able to do something worthwhile that could make a difference to others.
That last part seems to have become increasingly important to me lately. I seem to be currently awash with offers of unpaid activities which I would love to be able to do if I had the time and energy. I’ve met a lot of new people recently and some interesting opportunities have come my way which I would have never thought about before.
I’ve asked a few people what they think I should do. I’ve had some good advice, mainly to do what makes me happy and not to make any hasty decisions. So I think I am going to give it three months and then see how I am feeling.
Before I go I would like to share my latest discovery. It is possible to eat all the lovely soft centred chocolates I got for Christmas if I put them on a cocktail stick and then dunk them in plenty of yogurt. Fudge and toffees can be melted in the microwave and mixed with vanilla ice cream. I haven’t worked out yet what to do with the nut ones.
