Well I’ve done it, I’ve finished the HOPE Course. I have mixed feelings about it. Some of it has been great. I’ve met some lovely people and I have learnt what makes me feel negative and removed it from my life. I have definitely become more assertive and I have learnt some excellent time management skills which are really helping at work.
However I feel disappointed as I haven’t actually achieved what I was expecting. I don’t feel I have moved on at all. I feel more gloomy and I am less optimistic about the future. It’s not the fault of the Course though. I think I am to blame for firstly having unrealistic expectations about what it was going to do for me, and secondly not researching properly what the Course was all about. One of the problems was that it took up more time than I anticipated and I’ve resented having less time to spend on my friends and hobbies.
I told my Consultant that I was struggling with the Course and he said I was probably looking for some magic wand that doesn’t exist. I think he’s right. I had an interesting conversation this morning with a cancer survivor. I told her I was frustrated to find that at the end of the 6 weeks that cancer is occupying my thoughts more than it ever did at the beginning. I hate being defined as the lady who had cancer. She said that we can’t change who we are. I am the lady who had cancer and I need to learn to accept that but not let it rule my life. Great advice. I asked her where she learnt that. Apparently she went on a really good Course….
I was briefly tempted and maybe I will think more about it in a few months time, but the last thing I want at the moment is another Course. I have other plans. I have some friends who love US TV Dramas. When we lived near each other we spent many a happy evening with a bottle of wine and some trashy TV. We rarely get the chance to meet up these days as the years have distributed us far and wide round the world. But thanks to technology we still reminisce regularly by email about the shows we enjoyed and share episodes we have found on the internet. I was cheered up recently to be reminded about LA Law. One of my favourites! Such happy memories.
I watched Episode 1 with some trepidation. I was worried it might not be as good as I remembered. I was right to worry. It wasn’t as good. It was better! So I’m going to watch the entire series. All 171 episodes. I might be gone a while….
