MY FIRST EVER WEB BLOG AND IT'S ON A CANCER WEBSITE

2 minute read time.
Hello to everyone, I always thought i would get round to blogging one day but I never thought my first ever web blog would be on a cancer website. My mum who is 64, has been in a wheelchair for the last 6yrs due to COPD {pulmonary emphysema}, last June 12th (her 43rd wedding anniversary) she suffered a major heart attack and had to have a stent inserted into her arteries. She pulled through and as you can imagine my family were delighted. My mum has also had cervical cancer and had a hysterectomy at 36 with no lasting complications, no further treatment was needed. Previous to this, in her late twenties she had her thyroid removed due to an over active thyroid gland. My youngest sister was married in September this year and this was the first I had seen my mum in 4months, the wedding was in a beautiful Highland Village on the shores of the Gareloch and it lasted all weekend, coming from a family of 3 girls you can imagine the amount of make up and hair prepping that was going on. My mum made a comment about not having many grey hairs compared to me, when I looked at her all I could see was a grey woman. She told me that weekend that she had had a second chest x-ray done because her doc wasn't happy with the first but not to worry as they thought it was an infection to which she is very prone. A week later in one of our usual phone chats she told me her x-ray was back and there was a shadow and they wanted her to have a CT scan done, at this point she slipped in that she had been coughing up blood since just before the wedding and was in quite a bit of pain in her arm. I knew then, when the results came back from the CT and she phoned to tell me she had Lung Cancer it didn't surprise me. She had a Bronchoscopy done 13days ago and when we spoke on Friday it was to tell me it was small cell lung cancer. The doctors after some debating have decided to go ahead with chemotherapy which starts a week today, but they aren't sure if she will be able to cope with it due to her complications. I havent seen my parents since the wedding as i live about a 100 miles from them, am a single parent and don't drive, I am feeling numb at the moment and don't know how to react, is this just me or do other relatives of cancer patients feel the same. I usually go to my parents at Christmas but this year i feel unable to make plans and now the kids are asking if we will be going to visit, but her 3rd treatment falls on Christmas Day and i don't think i can face it. She is very tired at the moment and once chemo starts i think me and my 3 teenage daughters would be the last thing she will need. I don't know if this is me trying to bury my head in the sand and hoping it all goes away or if this is being selfish but the pessimist in me says let the my daughters remember their gran at their aunts wedding having fun and not a frail sick woman riddled with cancer.
Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Just wanted to touch base as a "fellow Highlander" who deserted my homeland for 25 years and came crawling back on my own diagnosis.  I have breast cancer with secondaries in my bones, and a pretty dire prognosis.  Unlike you, I have no children which I admit makes a big difference to one's outlook and immediate concerns.

    But for what it's worth - although I have never been interested in children, I am now finding the company of my nephew and niece (aged 11 and 8) a real godsend!  The cancer treatment has rather vaguely annotated effects around the notion of what they (we) call "Chemo Brain", which in a nutshell reduces your concerns and preoccupations to a day-to-day outlook and immediate issues. This is where children can be fabulous. Children are SO clever at being unphazed by unpleasantness; they take things like hair loss and walking around with sticks utterly in their stride and love chatting about the mad things they get up to; hobbies, parties, shcoolwork, etc.  I honestly think your kids would much prefer to see Granny in all her glories: they won't forget the fun woman at the wedding.  And they have the capability to bring her such joy: after all, they are the great achievement of her life, and yours!  Please don't think that you have to over-protect them; their coping mechanisms in this type of situation are much superior to ours.  

    And don't punish yourself with Calvinistic pangs of "selfishness" and "guilt" - you have demonstrated your lack of selfishness by coming on here and writing your blog.  Fact is, you are involved as a close family member, and a lot of things have fallen on you through no fault of your own, or of your mum's.  I suggest you get in touch with your mum's Macmillan Nurse (if she hasn't got one, make sure she does; her GP can arrange this).  They are the ones for practical and emotional support and valuable advice about "how to live" at times like these, for family as well as patients.  

    Wishing you all the best; hope you stick around here

    love, Catriona

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Cariona,

    Am real sorry to hear of your mums diagnosis, it must be real frightening for you and for her and the rest of your family.   I  am 49 and also have had lung cancer during this year i was diagnosed in march i had an operation in april then had chemo in june and july this year,  I had quite a few side effects but never saw myself as a frail sick woman riddled with cancer, and from what you have said your mum has lung cancer and not elsewhere at the moment.  I was very tired but to see my family and friends was such lift for me.  There are others too on this site who are going through or been through treatment who you might find helpful to talk to. Three years ago i also had heart probs and had to have a stent put it and also my arteries blocked in my right leg so had to have that cleaned too, so i know how you are feeling that this is another frightening experience for you all. (smoking caused all this for me and i have finally learnt my lesson and dont smoke anymore )

    Maybe it would be nice to talk to mum about xmas, she might love it to have you all around and you can be also a great help to her and your father.   Being as you are quite away from home you wont be able to go so often so i think its a bit scary what you are going to see, i live in holland and when my family came over they always thought the worst but were pleasantly surprised when they saw me, although i was not well.  I think calling the nurse of your mums is a great idea so that you know what you are up against.

    On the other side my mother died of lung cancer 6 years ago i was living in holland then too and went over for christmas, which turned out to be her last, i went back in april and helped nurse her for her last ten days and she was frail, but i am so pleased i did that it was tough at the time but i found the strength and now i have happy memories of that christmas,  i am just reading gloria honifords book about her daughter,  and i found a paragraph a real lesson in life.   Memories are what you make them  so if you can go with your children and make it a christmas to remember

    lots of strength coming your way from holland  

    love caz

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    It is all a very big shock for you, and of course you will be feeling numb.  You do know that time is of the essence to get the most love moving in both directions to stustain you all.

    Yes, Christmas is for families.  Go to be with her, and take the children.  It might be a bit of a quiet Christmas, but I think it will be that way for a lot of people who have lost their jobs too.  Enjoy being with her and you will always be glad you did.  

    Your dad will be glad for some support as well.  You mentioned your parents, so I assume he is there too.  When I was on Chemo, mine fell on Christmas Eve and New Years' Eve, but I had to go a day late for all the Monday Bank Holidays, so is it really true that she will have chemo on Christmas Day or later in the week?  

    Has your mother passed any comment on what she wants to happen at Christmas?  If your daughters are in their teens, they will be able to be useful decorating the house and helping with the cooking.  Maybe you could ask them what they think.  Check with your mother first though.  

    After Chemo she will just be tired, and you can just put her to bed with plenty to drink.  (water with the chill off).  She will want to get up later for a bit, but it can be worked around.

    I hope this helps

    Rwth

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi sweetheart - I know how frightened you must be on behalf of your Mum, and it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do.  I was diagnosed in April of this year as having small cell lung cancer, and bear no resemblence at all to the picture you draw of "a frail, sick woman, riddled with cancer". I have undergone chemotherapy and radiotherapy (to the head), which has given me the chance of a longer life, with better quality to that life. You don't know that your Mum couldn't deal with you going to her for Christmas as you  usually do, as you don't mention having spoken with her about it. Would she be hurt by the fact if you DIDN'T go? Would you feel terribly guilty afterwards if you DIDN'T go? You have to speak to her sweetheart, and then, if possible do all that you can to go along with whatever she wants. You say your daughters are teenagers; so in actual fact they are old enough to deal with the fact that their grandmother is ill. There are still, I am sure, lots of good times ahead for both you and your Mum, and it would be a shame to miss those times, wouldn't it? We all deal with having , or knowing someone we love has cancer in a million different ways, so our reactions and ways of coping with the knowledge are many and various. No one will judge you for how you feel, but I do think it would be of enormous help to you if you spoke with your Mum and tried to explain your feelings. She's your Mum, who has cancer, but I'm sure she would appreciate you treating her as you always have - with love! Hold on tight to all that you love, with lotsa love  kate xxxxxxxx