The Storm It's been four weeks tomorrow since I took my husband to the A&E after a week where he was so ill. Twice that week prior to admission my husband went to see our GP. The first time he was given Lactose and the second cream for his rectum. The doctor noticed my husbands rather large swollen stomach and commented on it, yet did nothing. To watch throughout five days your loved one deteriorate so fast was like living in a nightmare. Twice I called 111 and it was hard to stand by while no one seemed to take us seriously. My husband had never been ill in all his 58 years apart from the usual colds etc. Suddenly the storm began to stir as we were informed at the hospital after only a few hours that he had cancer. He was sent for a CT scan to confirm things and was admitted straight away. The way staff were during those first 30 mins told me this was serious. Well the storm we are living is stage 4 lymphoma with other organs effected outside the lymphatic system, including the bone. Tomorrow is my fourth week of this storm and now after being transferred to a specialist cancer hospital, my husband is fighting sepsis as well. There as been no chemo yet due to his illness and the infection is now throughout his body. Each time they were going to start chemo, something else would stop it. My storm is at it's centre right now as I face the future wondering if the treatment will ever start. I've seen a strong lovely man who everyone likes, turned into a weak beaten human being before my eyes. And the worst thing is that I can't do anything about it. But this man is stronger within than without. His faith in his God is so evident as he continues to share Jesus with those around him. The storm can stop many things and hinder the physical, but it will never break the inward man that grows stronger each day in God. David and I know these bodies are decaying and will one day die, but we also know the power of the resurrection for those who accept Christ into their lives. We shall have a new body where cancer and every other illness including death, will be no more. The storm will never batter us at that time because the prince of peace will be there, as he is now, taking us through with peace in our heart while the waves rise around us outside. I can't stop this storm, just like the floods that have happened in our nation over the last 6 months. The elements have their way and this disease is having its way in my husbands life. But this storm is effecting so many other people and situations. We've never claimed benefits before and now I face the storm of dealing not only with my husband, but the finances, and trying to look after two special needs children still at home, and people who constantly bombard me for answers I don't have. I've reached the point where I need to think about 'how am I going to survive this storm?' There will be devastation, and casualties, but how do I not become one? This is now my focus. I can't come through this until I refocus and organise a strategy to get through this. I love my husband but I also have to fight to save what I can of my life and my children's too. I have to leave my husband in the hands of those who know how to deal with this and realise that I can't change what will happen as circumstances take their course. Like a storm, it's learning to go through it, live while I'm in it and face the future of rebuilding what will be left at the end. I don't know what the next week holds, but my faith in a God that loves me, one that will never leave me, holds my head above the rising waters that try to consume me. I may not be able to fight this storm, but I certainly will not allow it to destroy me either.
