My dear Dad passed away on Sunday morning at home with my Mum, my sister and I with him. We have spent the last three months caring for him after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer mid July. This last week has been a dreadful time for us we went to hell and back as Dad deterioated. I am not sure how we got through it, but we did with the help of hospice at home nurses and district nurses. Have spent today organising the funeral which is next Monday. I feel in a kind of zombie like state at the moment, not really crying or breaking down but I guess this is all quite normal at this stage? People keep telling me it probably wont hit me until after the funeral. My poor mum is so lost they had been married for 53 years and she cannot imagine a life without him, she keeps saying "why did he have to leave me, I cannot understand this dreadful disease".
Pancreatic cancer is called the "silent killer" it does not show itself until it is normally terminal, but believe me when I say it is definately not silent to those suffering with it and for those caring for someone with it. It strips the person so quickly of who they are. My Dad was a true gent, he loved his football and cricket, he loved playing table tennis and bowls, always on the go, loved his food and the company of people. This just took all his energy and love of life so quickly that he was unable to enjoy any of this in his final few months. It is so cruel. I'm afraid I feel very bitter that it chose my Dad, I hate cancer and what it does to people, I know too many people that this dreadful disease has touched and I'm angry that research into cancer could not help my Dad or others like him.
I am sure over the coming weeks and months I will cry an ocean for my Dad he was the rock of our family and things will never be the same again. Putting the pieces back together for my family will not be easy without him.
