Hi everyone - Im new to this site and have been reading other peoples heartwarming blogs so thought I would write my own. God knows where to start...
On january 4th 2011 my dad had what we now know as a seizure, and basically frit the life out me and my mum so had to get an ambulance..he spent 10 days in there with suspected swine flu until he became so confused they gave him a precautionary cat scan..multiple hi tec scans later and finally a brain biopsy confirmed the worst unexpected life changing news could ever imagine..my dad..the strong rock of the family never ad a day ill in his life..has been diagnosed with a glioblastoma multiforme - a grade 4 (highest possible) very aggressive malignant brain tumour for which we have been told it is too dangerous to remove and cannot be cured, but can be treated with intense radiotherapy and chemotherapy to prolong his life for as long as possible.
Sorry what??? My gut just wrenches again its all way way too surreal, in the space of 2 weeks we had had a lovely normal xmas, dad was active and independent man of the house as usual and now he has the worst cancer of the brain possible?
I cant understand it, dont get me wrong I am bein strong for my dad and family I have to be, but when Im alone in my room at night I feel physically ill and heartbroken,,completely in shock and despair...its a physical pain in my heart and i dont know what to do about it.
Hes doing ok at the minute, had first course of chemo and gets tired, not sleeping at night, gets fidgety and frustrated and easily confused which is so hard to see the changes.
Next week he starts an intensive 6 week course of radio and chemotherapy and we are dreading seeing the effects i literally feel strange with it all I am so so terrified of the future. Im 28, not yet found the love of my life or married or had kids, my dad is my world and the closest thing to me and if this disease takes him from me I dont know what to do, but I cant think like that I have to stay positive and get on with the norm as best as possible.
anyway, could go on forever am in a total daze with it all really although everyone tells me ive been amazing..ive took full responsibility of sorting all his benefits now he cant work (was a driver) which has kept me focused, i sort his medication, hospital apts etc as he forgets and my mum has a poor memory too although in good health - I have also somehow enteres race for life this yr - I dont know how I do it but when im left alone with ym thoughts im so frightened im falling apart inside :(
if anyone can give me advice or hope or anything remotely good maybe about experiencing this disease would be much appreciated as I feel so lost
thankyou xxxxx
