Thank you, thank you, Dev; KareG; jomac and jas 34. Just to know you all know where I'm coming from is so much of a comfort, and reading your messages allowed me time for a little tear because you all understand; and you've been so helpful, I will ring the hospital and discuss it with someone. I'll have a word with the District Nurse too.
I'll let you know what reaction I get.
I really did think I'd come to terms (as much as you can) that I was going to lose Lee, and to an extent I still think I'm quite prepared for it; it's the day to day decline that's getting to me, I can see what she is going through, and sometimes I don't think she can see it herself - does that make any sense? One of you mentioned in a previous blog that you don't want to do to much or be a nuisance to the person you're caring for, and that's how I feel, consequently I try and do what I think or know that she has great difficulty with. I know her energy ebbs very quickly so anything that means using it up I try to cover - making a cup of tea and waiting for the kettle to boil is hell for her, even though she's a kitchen stool to sit on, the pain is still there, and it's so draining. Part of me wants to hang about and help to do every little thing, and yet the inner me knows that would really bug Lee and I'd be invading her space.
We lost both our parents to lung cancer, and although both were poorly there was nothing like this; or was it just that I had the rest of my family alive and around me and we all coped together - well now I have no family around me - so I have unanimously elected you all as my family, with a vow to help you carry your worries and cares if you want to share them, and in turn, just as you've done today I'll share mine with you.
You have not the faintest idea how much your replies meant to me, I checked my page expecting nothing, and there you all were, offering strength and encouragement, and setting me on the right road. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. Gill.
FormerMember
Sorry I missed your original post as a fellow Scot I just wanted to welcome you to the site . the comfort I hav had from people on here is tremendous. Hope everything goes well for you
I am so glad you found some comfort in some of the things we said. Gill I am going to lose my sister too, and I don't think we can ever prepare for it, I will never come to terms with it, she is a year older than me, and looks so fit and healthy. My only problem is, although I love this site, she is also a member (Liz G) and I am limited to what I can express if yoiu know what I mean, because like me she reads and answers blogs!!!! Did you read my blog on the 16th? There is a beautiful song on there which I dedicated to my sister, the words are perfect . I am with you all the way, and if yoiu feel like a private chat just pm me and i will answer. Like Lee Liz is so fiercly independant, and tells me off all the time for treating her like an invalid!!! Hasn't lost her bossiness!!
Gill, I totally understand your frustrations and fears where your sister's care is concerned. It is so hard to get the balance right between helping and taking over. The way I look at it is this, whilst ever Lee feels she can do things, however painful for her or distressing for you to watch, then you have to bite the bullet and let her do it. It is that fighting spirit which keeps our dear loved ones going. As for yourself, however prepared you think you are for the time when Lee leaves you, you will never be prepared when it actually happens. Please look after yourself too and try not to put yourself under too much stress. You seem like a very loving and caring sister and I am sure that Lee appreciates everything she lets you do.
Take care Gill, my thoughts and prayers are with you. x x x
